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Mark Twain

Writer

Mark Twain was a celebrated American author and humorist known for his sharp wit and keen observations of human nature. His words blend humor with honesty, often revealing deeper truths about society, morality, and life itself. The following quotes capture Twain’s timeless insight, satire, and unmistakable voice.

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When even the brightest mind in our world has been trained up from childhood in a superstition of any kind, it will never be possible for that mind, in its maturity, to examine sincerely, dispassionately, and conscientiously any evidence or any circumstance which shall seem to cast a doubt upon the validity of that superstition. I doubt if I could do it myself.
From The Autobiography of Mark Twain
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English―it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them―then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.
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A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.
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I can last two months on a good compliment.
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Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
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Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life--hence it is a valuable possession to him.
From The Autobiography of Mark Twain
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Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
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I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
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There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
From Life on the Mississippi
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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It's considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
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Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When even the brightest mind in our world has been trained up from childhood in a superstition of any kind, it will never be possible for that mind, in its maturity, to examine sincerely, dispassionately, and conscientiously any evidence or any circumstance which shall seem to cast a doubt upon the validity of that superstition. I doubt if I could do it myself.
From The Autobiography of Mark Twain
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English―it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them―then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can last two months on a good compliment.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life--hence it is a valuable possession to him.
From The Autobiography of Mark Twain
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
From Life on the Mississippi
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When even the brightest mind in our world has been trained up from childhood in a superstition of any kind, it will never be possible for that mind, in its maturity, to examine sincerely, dispassionately, and conscientiously any evidence or any circumstance which shall seem to cast a doubt upon the validity of that superstition. I doubt if I could do it myself.
From The Autobiography of Mark Twain
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English―it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them―then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can last two months on a good compliment.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life--hence it is a valuable possession to him.
From The Autobiography of Mark Twain
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
From Life on the Mississippi
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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