You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.
The brevity of our lives makes watching TV seem like a symptom of insanity.
You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.
For good health, watch what you eat. For a good head, watch what you watch.
Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.
From The Use and Misuse of Children
When coming to sex: First served, first come.
Oftentimes someone leaves their partner who is comparable to the sun for someone else who is comparable to a spark.
You know you made it, when your friends tell their friends that you are their friend.
If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.
Religion is a non-alcoholic man's alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man's religion.
From Divided & Conquered
Distractions can make a day feel like an hour.
Junk food is television for tongues.
Some people will hate you for not loving them.
It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.
From On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
You know you made it, when people you know, tell people they know, that you know them.
Beliefs are conclusions reached by men who are lazy to think for themselves.
All too often someone spoils my enjoyment of their company by talking to me.
The most important thing that most people get from the news is the prediction of the following day’s weather, which most people are usually able to predict correctly by themselves.
A celebrity is an object that the media manufactures today, just so they have a subject tomorrow.
When it comes to sex: some men treat women as objects; some women treat objects as men.
From N for Nigger: Aphorisms for Grown Children and Childish Grown-ups
Our weakness is our opponent’s strength.
A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.
A healthy man watched what he ate. An intelligent man watched what he watched.
Even the truth is just a mere thought.
You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.
The brevity of our lives makes watching TV seem like a symptom of insanity.
You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.
For good health, watch what you eat. For a good head, watch what you watch.
Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.
From The Use and Misuse of Children
When coming to sex: First served, first come.
Oftentimes someone leaves their partner who is comparable to the sun for someone else who is comparable to a spark.
You know you made it, when your friends tell their friends that you are their friend.
If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.
Religion is a non-alcoholic man's alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man's religion.
From Divided & Conquered
Distractions can make a day feel like an hour.
Junk food is television for tongues.
Some people will hate you for not loving them.
It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.
From On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
You know you made it, when people you know, tell people they know, that you know them.
Beliefs are conclusions reached by men who are lazy to think for themselves.
All too often someone spoils my enjoyment of their company by talking to me.
The most important thing that most people get from the news is the prediction of the following day’s weather, which most people are usually able to predict correctly by themselves.
A celebrity is an object that the media manufactures today, just so they have a subject tomorrow.
When it comes to sex: some men treat women as objects; some women treat objects as men.
From N for Nigger: Aphorisms for Grown Children and Childish Grown-ups
Our weakness is our opponent’s strength.
A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.
A healthy man watched what he ate. An intelligent man watched what he watched.
Even the truth is just a mere thought.
You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.
The brevity of our lives makes watching TV seem like a symptom of insanity.
You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.
For good health, watch what you eat. For a good head, watch what you watch.
Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.
From The Use and Misuse of Children
When coming to sex: First served, first come.
Oftentimes someone leaves their partner who is comparable to the sun for someone else who is comparable to a spark.
You know you made it, when your friends tell their friends that you are their friend.
If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.
Religion is a non-alcoholic man's alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man's religion.
From Divided & Conquered
Distractions can make a day feel like an hour.
Junk food is television for tongues.
Some people will hate you for not loving them.
It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.
From On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay
You know you made it, when people you know, tell people they know, that you know them.
Beliefs are conclusions reached by men who are lazy to think for themselves.
All too often someone spoils my enjoyment of their company by talking to me.
The most important thing that most people get from the news is the prediction of the following day’s weather, which most people are usually able to predict correctly by themselves.
A celebrity is an object that the media manufactures today, just so they have a subject tomorrow.
When it comes to sex: some men treat women as objects; some women treat objects as men.
From N for Nigger: Aphorisms for Grown Children and Childish Grown-ups
Our weakness is our opponent’s strength.
A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.
A healthy man watched what he ate. An intelligent man watched what he watched.
