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Suzanne Finnamore

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I used to loathe ambivalence; now I adore it. Ambivalence is my new best friend.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
So many events and moments that seemed insignificant add up. I remember how for the last Valentine´s Day, N gave flowers but no card. In restaurants, he looked off into the middle distance while my hand would creep across the table to hold his. He would always let go first. I realize I can´t remember his last spontaneous gesture of affection.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I review what I know once again, confronting the monolith now alien and almost unconnected to me: my marriage.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Naturally, I do blame Françoise. I blame her for having N in the first place. She was young, she was beautiful, she was married to a doctor, and she was intelligent. She could have abstained from producing her first son. It was wrong on a variety of levels.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I remember one desolate Sunday night, wondering: Is this how I´m going to spend the rest of my life? Marrid to someone who is perpetually distracted and somewhat wistful, as though a marvelous party is going on in the next room, which but for me he could be attending?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Any way I slice reality it comes out poorly, and I feel an urge to not exist, something I have never felt before; and now here it comes with conviction, almost panic. I mentally bless and exonerate anyone who has kicked a chair out from beneath her or swallowed opium in large chunks. My mind has met their environment, here in the void. I understand perfectly.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
I know my vision is impaired and cannot be trusted with even the simplest tasks, much less dating. Not that I´ve come within talon distance of a man.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
For me, it´s sloth," I say. "Hedonistic sloth and escapism.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Delusion detests focus and romance provides the veil.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I am replete with stamina in finding out every single fact I can about this whole affair.

Yet, I think, do I want to pull that thread? Do I want to unleash the truth, unravel deceit, and kill reality as I´ve known it? It is irreparable, if I do, from the moment we met until now. It is long. If I discover too much that is false about what I thought my past was, Time will be skewed even further. I already have a poor connection with the present. Example: I have no sense of what day it is. It´s better.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I´ve blown it, the whole grisly charade.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
This does not escape my notice, it is a context. I resent the fact of a context; my social status has shifted and no one is going to acknowldege it, that´s certain. I´m expected to be Brave and Rise Above. I dress for the role; I must look far better now that I did when I was married. I must look pulled together into a nice tight Hermès knot of self-containment. I don´t make the rules; I just do my best to follow them.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I mentally bless and exonerate anyone who has kicked a chair out from beneath her or swallowed opium in large chunks. My mind has met their environment, here in the void. I understand perfectly.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
I love you as the mother of my child": the kiss of death.
Mother of His Child: demotion. I am beginning to see this truism: Mothers are not always wives. I have been stripped of a piece of self.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I feel incendiary, a wildfire. My spirit licks at the gates of a very elaborate, customized, and distracting emotional Hades.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Take me now, God!" I shout to the inky sky. "I´m ready."
"You´re not ready. You´re not even divorced yet," Bunny says. "You cannot die married to that man.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
It had all seemed as inevitable as sunset. Instead it was the beauty of the sun glinting upon the scythe.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Surprises, I feel now, are primarily a form of violence.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
God is great and God is good," Lisa says. "But where are the Apache attack helicopters when you need them?
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
How can I grieve what is still in motion?" I ask her. "Shoes are still dropping all over the place. I´m not kidding," I say. "It´s Normandy out there.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Although I notice there is never a truly good time to have a nice long chat with one´s mother-in-law, unless you are having an extraordinary life and marriage and your mother-in-law is, say, Maureen Dowd, or Indira Gandhi. Someone of that ilk.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
To keep myself from harming or calling N and to stave off the rage and despair, I focus on my extraordinary son, drink midrange Chardonnay every night after he is asleep, and make a barrage of late-night mail-order retail purchases placed from the couch. The couch has officially become my second battle station. I am angry and I have credit And I´m all blackened inside; I should wear a pointy witch hat around Larkspur as I go to the bank and drop A off at day care. It would be more honest.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
They feel life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever decide to have my soul surgically removed.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
How do you know? How best to ensure his nervous breakdown?" I ask.

"Keep going," Christian says. "Just go on as if nothing has happened. We all hate that.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I used to loathe ambivalence; now I adore it. Ambivalence is my new best friend.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
So many events and moments that seemed insignificant add up. I remember how for the last Valentine´s Day, N gave flowers but no card. In restaurants, he looked off into the middle distance while my hand would creep across the table to hold his. He would always let go first. I realize I can´t remember his last spontaneous gesture of affection.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I review what I know once again, confronting the monolith now alien and almost unconnected to me: my marriage.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Naturally, I do blame Françoise. I blame her for having N in the first place. She was young, she was beautiful, she was married to a doctor, and she was intelligent. She could have abstained from producing her first son. It was wrong on a variety of levels.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I remember one desolate Sunday night, wondering: Is this how I´m going to spend the rest of my life? Marrid to someone who is perpetually distracted and somewhat wistful, as though a marvelous party is going on in the next room, which but for me he could be attending?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Any way I slice reality it comes out poorly, and I feel an urge to not exist, something I have never felt before; and now here it comes with conviction, almost panic. I mentally bless and exonerate anyone who has kicked a chair out from beneath her or swallowed opium in large chunks. My mind has met their environment, here in the void. I understand perfectly.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
I know my vision is impaired and cannot be trusted with even the simplest tasks, much less dating. Not that I´ve come within talon distance of a man.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
For me, it´s sloth," I say. "Hedonistic sloth and escapism.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Delusion detests focus and romance provides the veil.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I am replete with stamina in finding out every single fact I can about this whole affair.

Yet, I think, do I want to pull that thread? Do I want to unleash the truth, unravel deceit, and kill reality as I´ve known it? It is irreparable, if I do, from the moment we met until now. It is long. If I discover too much that is false about what I thought my past was, Time will be skewed even further. I already have a poor connection with the present. Example: I have no sense of what day it is. It´s better.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I´ve blown it, the whole grisly charade.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
This does not escape my notice, it is a context. I resent the fact of a context; my social status has shifted and no one is going to acknowldege it, that´s certain. I´m expected to be Brave and Rise Above. I dress for the role; I must look far better now that I did when I was married. I must look pulled together into a nice tight Hermès knot of self-containment. I don´t make the rules; I just do my best to follow them.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I mentally bless and exonerate anyone who has kicked a chair out from beneath her or swallowed opium in large chunks. My mind has met their environment, here in the void. I understand perfectly.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
I love you as the mother of my child": the kiss of death.
Mother of His Child: demotion. I am beginning to see this truism: Mothers are not always wives. I have been stripped of a piece of self.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I feel incendiary, a wildfire. My spirit licks at the gates of a very elaborate, customized, and distracting emotional Hades.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Take me now, God!" I shout to the inky sky. "I´m ready."
"You´re not ready. You´re not even divorced yet," Bunny says. "You cannot die married to that man.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
It had all seemed as inevitable as sunset. Instead it was the beauty of the sun glinting upon the scythe.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Surprises, I feel now, are primarily a form of violence.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
God is great and God is good," Lisa says. "But where are the Apache attack helicopters when you need them?
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
How can I grieve what is still in motion?" I ask her. "Shoes are still dropping all over the place. I´m not kidding," I say. "It´s Normandy out there.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Although I notice there is never a truly good time to have a nice long chat with one´s mother-in-law, unless you are having an extraordinary life and marriage and your mother-in-law is, say, Maureen Dowd, or Indira Gandhi. Someone of that ilk.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
To keep myself from harming or calling N and to stave off the rage and despair, I focus on my extraordinary son, drink midrange Chardonnay every night after he is asleep, and make a barrage of late-night mail-order retail purchases placed from the couch. The couch has officially become my second battle station. I am angry and I have credit And I´m all blackened inside; I should wear a pointy witch hat around Larkspur as I go to the bank and drop A off at day care. It would be more honest.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
They feel life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever decide to have my soul surgically removed.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
How do you know? How best to ensure his nervous breakdown?" I ask.

"Keep going," Christian says. "Just go on as if nothing has happened. We all hate that.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I used to loathe ambivalence; now I adore it. Ambivalence is my new best friend.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
So many events and moments that seemed insignificant add up. I remember how for the last Valentine´s Day, N gave flowers but no card. In restaurants, he looked off into the middle distance while my hand would creep across the table to hold his. He would always let go first. I realize I can´t remember his last spontaneous gesture of affection.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I review what I know once again, confronting the monolith now alien and almost unconnected to me: my marriage.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Naturally, I do blame Françoise. I blame her for having N in the first place. She was young, she was beautiful, she was married to a doctor, and she was intelligent. She could have abstained from producing her first son. It was wrong on a variety of levels.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I remember one desolate Sunday night, wondering: Is this how I´m going to spend the rest of my life? Marrid to someone who is perpetually distracted and somewhat wistful, as though a marvelous party is going on in the next room, which but for me he could be attending?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Any way I slice reality it comes out poorly, and I feel an urge to not exist, something I have never felt before; and now here it comes with conviction, almost panic. I mentally bless and exonerate anyone who has kicked a chair out from beneath her or swallowed opium in large chunks. My mind has met their environment, here in the void. I understand perfectly.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
I know my vision is impaired and cannot be trusted with even the simplest tasks, much less dating. Not that I´ve come within talon distance of a man.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
For me, it´s sloth," I say. "Hedonistic sloth and escapism.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Delusion detests focus and romance provides the veil.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I am replete with stamina in finding out every single fact I can about this whole affair.

Yet, I think, do I want to pull that thread? Do I want to unleash the truth, unravel deceit, and kill reality as I´ve known it? It is irreparable, if I do, from the moment we met until now. It is long. If I discover too much that is false about what I thought my past was, Time will be skewed even further. I already have a poor connection with the present. Example: I have no sense of what day it is. It´s better.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I´ve blown it, the whole grisly charade.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
This does not escape my notice, it is a context. I resent the fact of a context; my social status has shifted and no one is going to acknowldege it, that´s certain. I´m expected to be Brave and Rise Above. I dress for the role; I must look far better now that I did when I was married. I must look pulled together into a nice tight Hermès knot of self-containment. I don´t make the rules; I just do my best to follow them.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I mentally bless and exonerate anyone who has kicked a chair out from beneath her or swallowed opium in large chunks. My mind has met their environment, here in the void. I understand perfectly.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
I love you as the mother of my child": the kiss of death.
Mother of His Child: demotion. I am beginning to see this truism: Mothers are not always wives. I have been stripped of a piece of self.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
I feel incendiary, a wildfire. My spirit licks at the gates of a very elaborate, customized, and distracting emotional Hades.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Take me now, God!" I shout to the inky sky. "I´m ready."
"You´re not ready. You´re not even divorced yet," Bunny says. "You cannot die married to that man.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
It had all seemed as inevitable as sunset. Instead it was the beauty of the sun glinting upon the scythe.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Surprises, I feel now, are primarily a form of violence.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
God is great and God is good," Lisa says. "But where are the Apache attack helicopters when you need them?
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
How can I grieve what is still in motion?" I ask her. "Shoes are still dropping all over the place. I´m not kidding," I say. "It´s Normandy out there.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Although I notice there is never a truly good time to have a nice long chat with one´s mother-in-law, unless you are having an extraordinary life and marriage and your mother-in-law is, say, Maureen Dowd, or Indira Gandhi. Someone of that ilk.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
To keep myself from harming or calling N and to stave off the rage and despair, I focus on my extraordinary son, drink midrange Chardonnay every night after he is asleep, and make a barrage of late-night mail-order retail purchases placed from the couch. The couch has officially become my second battle station. I am angry and I have credit And I´m all blackened inside; I should wear a pointy witch hat around Larkspur as I go to the bank and drop A off at day care. It would be more honest.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
They feel life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever decide to have my soul surgically removed.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
How do you know? How best to ensure his nervous breakdown?" I ask.

"Keep going," Christian says. "Just go on as if nothing has happened. We all hate that.
From Split: A Memoir of Divorce
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
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