Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.
Milton Berle
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Milton Berle
Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape.
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
Milton Berle
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.