Mitch Hedberg Quotes

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!