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Why?' is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you 'What's the time?' or 'When was the battle of 1066?' or 'How do these seatbelts work that go tight when you slam the brakes on, Daddy?' The answers are easy and are, respectively, 'Seven-thirty in the evening,' 'Ten-fifteen in the morning,' and 'Don't ask stupid questions.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ow! My brains!
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
From Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Exactly!" said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the Q letter into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
From Life, the Universe and Everything
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And so the Universe ended.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Religion... has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever... If someone votes for a party that you don't agree with, you're free to argue about it as much as you like; everybody will have an argument but nobody feels aggrieved by it. If somebody thinks taxes should go up or down you are free to have an argument about it. But on the other hand if somebody says 'I must [not] move a light switch on a Saturday', you say, 'I respect that'... Yet when you look at it rationally there is no reason why those ideas shouldn't be as open to debate as any other, except that we have agreed somehow between us that they shouldn't be.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
From Life, the Universe and Everything
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Religion
It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die."

His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up.

After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Why?' is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you 'What's the time?' or 'When was the battle of 1066?' or 'How do these seatbelts work that go tight when you slam the brakes on, Daddy?' The answers are easy and are, respectively, 'Seven-thirty in the evening,' 'Ten-fifteen in the morning,' and 'Don't ask stupid questions.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ow! My brains!
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
From Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Exactly!" said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the Q letter into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
From Life, the Universe and Everything
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And so the Universe ended.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Religion... has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever... If someone votes for a party that you don't agree with, you're free to argue about it as much as you like; everybody will have an argument but nobody feels aggrieved by it. If somebody thinks taxes should go up or down you are free to have an argument about it. But on the other hand if somebody says 'I must [not] move a light switch on a Saturday', you say, 'I respect that'... Yet when you look at it rationally there is no reason why those ideas shouldn't be as open to debate as any other, except that we have agreed somehow between us that they shouldn't be.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
From Life, the Universe and Everything
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Religion
It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die."

His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up.

After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Why?' is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you 'What's the time?' or 'When was the battle of 1066?' or 'How do these seatbelts work that go tight when you slam the brakes on, Daddy?' The answers are easy and are, respectively, 'Seven-thirty in the evening,' 'Ten-fifteen in the morning,' and 'Don't ask stupid questions.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ow! My brains!
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
From Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Exactly!" said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the Q letter into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.
From The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
From Life, the Universe and Everything
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.
From The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And so the Universe ended.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Religion... has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever... If someone votes for a party that you don't agree with, you're free to argue about it as much as you like; everybody will have an argument but nobody feels aggrieved by it. If somebody thinks taxes should go up or down you are free to have an argument about it. But on the other hand if somebody says 'I must [not] move a light switch on a Saturday', you say, 'I respect that'... Yet when you look at it rationally there is no reason why those ideas shouldn't be as open to debate as any other, except that we have agreed somehow between us that they shouldn't be.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
From Life, the Universe and Everything
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Religion
It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die."

His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up.

After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.
From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
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