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Ilona Andrews

Other
What's that?"
"That's my attack poodle.
From Magic Bleeds
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Topic: Funny
What’s this ”
“A needle.”
“What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy.
“Please use it to pop your head. It’s obscuring my view of the room.
From Magic Bleeds
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Topic: Funny
Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.
From Magic Slays
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Topic: Funny
Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.
From Magic Bleeds
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Topic: Funny
I was conceived because it would be good for my House to have an heir and because my parents' genes ticked the right set of boxes. You were probably conceived because your parents loved each other."

"According to our mother," Bern said, "he was conceived because she was too wasted to remember a rubber."

Mad Rogan stopped chewing.

"I was conceived because my mother skipped bail. Her boyfriend at the time threatened to call the cops on her so she had to do something to keep him from doing it," Bern said helpfully.

Awesome. Just the right kind of information to share.

"Aunt Giselea isn't the best mother," I said. "There's one in every family.
From Burn for Me
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Topic: Funny
I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.
From Magic Bites
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Topic: Funny
Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!
From Magic Bleeds
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Topic: Funny
I have a serious question."

"I will give a serious answer."

"Can a god be killed?"

The humor drained from Roman's face. "Well, that depends on if you're a pantheist or a Marxist."

"What's the difference?"

"The first believes that divinity is the universe. The two are synonymous and nonexistent without each other. The second believes in anthropocentrism, seeing man in the center of the universe, and god as just an invention of human conscience. Of course, if you follow Nietzsche, you can kill God just by thinking about him.
From Gunmetal Magic
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Topic: Death, Philosophical
Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked.
"Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it."
Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.
The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.
He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack.
From Magic Slays
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Topic: Funny
It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?
From Magic Bleeds
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Topic: Funny
I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat.
He lay still. “I give up,” he said and smiled. “Your move.”
Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?
From Magic Strikes
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Topic: Funny
Everybody has something, that one thing they must do to feel happy. I think this is yours, and I want you to be happy. You don’t have to do it, but it’s here if you choose to come back to it.
From Magic Bleeds
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Topic: Happiness
I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.
From Magic Bleeds
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Topic: Funny
Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.
From On the Edge
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Topic: Funny
Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"

"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
From Magic Strikes
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Topic: Funny
It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.
From Magic Bites
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Topic: Funny
Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down.
From Fate's Edge
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Topic: Religion
She surveyed the carnage behind him. "Did you have fun?"
He showed her his teeth. "Yes.
From Bayou Moon
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Topic: Death
I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.
From On the Edge
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Topic: Funny
you might want to decide fast. We live in a dangerous world. If you see a chance to be happy, you have to fight for it, so later you have no regrets.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Life
What's that?"
"That's my attack poodle.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
What’s this ”
“A needle.”
“What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy.
“Please use it to pop your head. It’s obscuring my view of the room.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.
From Magic Slays
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I was conceived because it would be good for my House to have an heir and because my parents' genes ticked the right set of boxes. You were probably conceived because your parents loved each other."

"According to our mother," Bern said, "he was conceived because she was too wasted to remember a rubber."

Mad Rogan stopped chewing.

"I was conceived because my mother skipped bail. Her boyfriend at the time threatened to call the cops on her so she had to do something to keep him from doing it," Bern said helpfully.

Awesome. Just the right kind of information to share.

"Aunt Giselea isn't the best mother," I said. "There's one in every family.
From Burn for Me
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.
From Magic Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I have a serious question."

"I will give a serious answer."

"Can a god be killed?"

The humor drained from Roman's face. "Well, that depends on if you're a pantheist or a Marxist."

"What's the difference?"

"The first believes that divinity is the universe. The two are synonymous and nonexistent without each other. The second believes in anthropocentrism, seeing man in the center of the universe, and god as just an invention of human conscience. Of course, if you follow Nietzsche, you can kill God just by thinking about him.
From Gunmetal Magic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death, Philosophical
Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked.
"Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it."
Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.
The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.
He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack.
From Magic Slays
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat.
He lay still. “I give up,” he said and smiled. “Your move.”
Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?
From Magic Strikes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Everybody has something, that one thing they must do to feel happy. I think this is yours, and I want you to be happy. You don’t have to do it, but it’s here if you choose to come back to it.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Happiness
I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.
From On the Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"

"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
From Magic Strikes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.
From Magic Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down.
From Fate's Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Religion
She surveyed the carnage behind him. "Did you have fun?"
He showed her his teeth. "Yes.
From Bayou Moon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death
I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.
From On the Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
you might want to decide fast. We live in a dangerous world. If you see a chance to be happy, you have to fight for it, so later you have no regrets.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Life
What's that?"
"That's my attack poodle.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
What’s this ”
“A needle.”
“What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy.
“Please use it to pop your head. It’s obscuring my view of the room.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.
From Magic Slays
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I was conceived because it would be good for my House to have an heir and because my parents' genes ticked the right set of boxes. You were probably conceived because your parents loved each other."

"According to our mother," Bern said, "he was conceived because she was too wasted to remember a rubber."

Mad Rogan stopped chewing.

"I was conceived because my mother skipped bail. Her boyfriend at the time threatened to call the cops on her so she had to do something to keep him from doing it," Bern said helpfully.

Awesome. Just the right kind of information to share.

"Aunt Giselea isn't the best mother," I said. "There's one in every family.
From Burn for Me
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.
From Magic Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I have a serious question."

"I will give a serious answer."

"Can a god be killed?"

The humor drained from Roman's face. "Well, that depends on if you're a pantheist or a Marxist."

"What's the difference?"

"The first believes that divinity is the universe. The two are synonymous and nonexistent without each other. The second believes in anthropocentrism, seeing man in the center of the universe, and god as just an invention of human conscience. Of course, if you follow Nietzsche, you can kill God just by thinking about him.
From Gunmetal Magic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death, Philosophical
Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked.
"Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it."
Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.
The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.
He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack.
From Magic Slays
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat.
He lay still. “I give up,” he said and smiled. “Your move.”
Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?
From Magic Strikes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Everybody has something, that one thing they must do to feel happy. I think this is yours, and I want you to be happy. You don’t have to do it, but it’s here if you choose to come back to it.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Happiness
I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.
From On the Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"

"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
From Magic Strikes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.
From Magic Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down.
From Fate's Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Religion
She surveyed the carnage behind him. "Did you have fun?"
He showed her his teeth. "Yes.
From Bayou Moon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death
I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.
From On the Edge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
you might want to decide fast. We live in a dangerous world. If you see a chance to be happy, you have to fight for it, so later you have no regrets.
From Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Life