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J.R. Ward

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I'm going to talk to her."
"And how's that going to go? You're just going to walk up to her and say, 'Hey, I know you've never seen me before, but I'm your dad. Oh, and guess what? You've won the evolutionary lottery: You're a vampire. Let's go to Disneyland!
From Dark Lover
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Topic: Funny
Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.

- Jane
From Lover Unbound
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Topic: Funny
Yo, cop. We're heading for Screamer's. You wanna come?"

Butch looked up at the doorway. Vishous was in the hall with Rhage and Phury behind him. The vampires had expectant looks on their faces, like they honestly wanted to hang with him.

Butch found himself grinning like the new kid who didn't have to sit alone at lunch after all.
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Topic: Funny
Z: "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."

Phury: "That was you?"

Z:"You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?
From Lover Awakened
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Topic: Funny
You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch)
Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)
From Lover Revealed
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Topic: Funny
There aren't any syringes." Red Sox came over and held a sterile pack out. When she tried to take it from him, he kept a grip on the thing. "I know you'll use this wisely."
"Wisely?" She snapped the syringe out of his hand. "No, I'm going to poke him in the eye with it. Because that's what they trained me to do in medical school.
From Lover Unbound
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Topic: Funny
Life is such a glorious trauma, is it not?
From Lover Avenged
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Topic: Life
Wrath: What the hell are you supposed to ask?

Rhage: I know! Who do you like the most? It's me right?Come on, you know it is. Come oooooonnnnn-

Butch: If its you,, I'll kill myself.

V: No, that just means she's blind.

Rhage: It has to be me.

V: She said she didn't like you at first.

Rhage: Ah, but I won her over, which is more than anyone else can say about you, hot stuff.

J.R.: I don't like anyone the best

Wrath: Right answer.

Rhage: She's just sparing all of you feelings. (grins, becoming impossibly handsome) She's so polite.

J.R.: Next question?

Rhage: Why do you like me the best?
From The Black Dagger Brotherhood: An Insider's Guide
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Topic: Funny
Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.
From Dark Lover
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Topic: Funny
Terrific. A bisexual dominant vampire with kidnapping expertise.
From Lover Unbound
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Topic: Funny
The staircase that was revealed was lit with a soft red glow.
I feel like I'm walking down into a porn movie," V muttered as they took the steps with care.
Wouldn't that require more black candles for you," Zsadist cracked.
At the bottom of the landing, they looked left and right down a corridor carved out of stone, seeing row after row of...black candles with ruby color flames.
I take that back," Z said, eyeing the display.
We start hearing chick-a-wow-wow shit," V cut in, "can I start calling you Z-packed?"
Not if you want to keep breathing.
From Lover Avenged
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Topic: Funny
Ride?" Rhage snorted. "Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker in fourth gear from a dead stop."

When there was an odd sound from behind, John looked back. So did the three Brothers.

"What." Xhex bristled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can laugh, you know. And that's . . . pretty damn funny."

Rhage beamed. "I knew I liked you.
From Lover Mine
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Topic: Funny
Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.

She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.

On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.

Cool.
From Dark Lover
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Topic: Funny
You so need to lighten up about that potato-launcher incident," Butch said.
Phury rolled his eyes and eased back in the banquette. "You broke my window."
"Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it."
"Twice."
"Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen.
From Lover Unbound
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Topic: Funny
I liked you, cop. From the moment I met you. No… not the first moment. I wanted to kill you when I first met you. But then I liked you. A lot.
From Lover Revealed
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Topic: Funny
V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”

Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body.

“We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered.
From Lover Eternal
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Topic: Funny
Tell you what, you let me go, and I’ll ask you plenty of questions about your race. Until then, I’m slightly distracted with how this little vacation on the good ship Holy Sh*t is going to pan out for me.
From Lover Unbound
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Topic: Funny
You're getting into some kind of shape, cop."
Aw, come on, now." Butch grinned. "Don't let that shower we took go to your head."
Rhage fired a towel at the male. "Just pointing out your beer gut's gone."
It was a Scotch pot. And I don't miss it.
From Lover Eternal
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Topic: Funny
They don't fit you?" V asked his roommate.
"Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People." Butch held his heavy arms out and turned in a circle, his bare chest catching the light. "I mean, come on."
"They're for fighting, not fashion."
"So are kilts, but you don't see me rocking the tartan."
"And thank God for that. You're too bowlegged to pull that shit off."
Butch assumed a bored expression. "You can bite me.
From Lover Unbound
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Topic: Funny
You never knew the last time you were seeing someone. You didn't know when the last argument happened, or the last time you had sex, or the last time you looked into their eyes and thanked God they were in your life.
After they were gone?
That was all you thought about.
Day and night.
From Lover Mine
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Life
But that was life: Nobody got a guided tour to their own theme park. You had to hop on the rides as they presented themselves, never knowing whether you would like the one you were in line for...or if the bastard was going to make you throw up your corn dog and your cotton candy all over the place.
From Crave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I'm going to talk to her."
"And how's that going to go? You're just going to walk up to her and say, 'Hey, I know you've never seen me before, but I'm your dad. Oh, and guess what? You've won the evolutionary lottery: You're a vampire. Let's go to Disneyland!
From Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.

- Jane
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Yo, cop. We're heading for Screamer's. You wanna come?"

Butch looked up at the doorway. Vishous was in the hall with Rhage and Phury behind him. The vampires had expectant looks on their faces, like they honestly wanted to hang with him.

Butch found himself grinning like the new kid who didn't have to sit alone at lunch after all.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Z: "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."

Phury: "That was you?"

Z:"You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?
From Lover Awakened
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch)
Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)
From Lover Revealed
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
There aren't any syringes." Red Sox came over and held a sterile pack out. When she tried to take it from him, he kept a grip on the thing. "I know you'll use this wisely."
"Wisely?" She snapped the syringe out of his hand. "No, I'm going to poke him in the eye with it. Because that's what they trained me to do in medical school.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Life is such a glorious trauma, is it not?
From Lover Avenged
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Life
Wrath: What the hell are you supposed to ask?

Rhage: I know! Who do you like the most? It's me right?Come on, you know it is. Come oooooonnnnn-

Butch: If its you,, I'll kill myself.

V: No, that just means she's blind.

Rhage: It has to be me.

V: She said she didn't like you at first.

Rhage: Ah, but I won her over, which is more than anyone else can say about you, hot stuff.

J.R.: I don't like anyone the best

Wrath: Right answer.

Rhage: She's just sparing all of you feelings. (grins, becoming impossibly handsome) She's so polite.

J.R.: Next question?

Rhage: Why do you like me the best?
From The Black Dagger Brotherhood: An Insider's Guide
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.
From Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Terrific. A bisexual dominant vampire with kidnapping expertise.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
The staircase that was revealed was lit with a soft red glow.
I feel like I'm walking down into a porn movie," V muttered as they took the steps with care.
Wouldn't that require more black candles for you," Zsadist cracked.
At the bottom of the landing, they looked left and right down a corridor carved out of stone, seeing row after row of...black candles with ruby color flames.
I take that back," Z said, eyeing the display.
We start hearing chick-a-wow-wow shit," V cut in, "can I start calling you Z-packed?"
Not if you want to keep breathing.
From Lover Avenged
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Ride?" Rhage snorted. "Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker in fourth gear from a dead stop."

When there was an odd sound from behind, John looked back. So did the three Brothers.

"What." Xhex bristled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can laugh, you know. And that's . . . pretty damn funny."

Rhage beamed. "I knew I liked you.
From Lover Mine
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.

She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.

On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.

Cool.
From Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You so need to lighten up about that potato-launcher incident," Butch said.
Phury rolled his eyes and eased back in the banquette. "You broke my window."
"Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it."
"Twice."
"Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I liked you, cop. From the moment I met you. No… not the first moment. I wanted to kill you when I first met you. But then I liked you. A lot.
From Lover Revealed
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”

Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body.

“We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered.
From Lover Eternal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Tell you what, you let me go, and I’ll ask you plenty of questions about your race. Until then, I’m slightly distracted with how this little vacation on the good ship Holy Sh*t is going to pan out for me.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You're getting into some kind of shape, cop."
Aw, come on, now." Butch grinned. "Don't let that shower we took go to your head."
Rhage fired a towel at the male. "Just pointing out your beer gut's gone."
It was a Scotch pot. And I don't miss it.
From Lover Eternal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
They don't fit you?" V asked his roommate.
"Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People." Butch held his heavy arms out and turned in a circle, his bare chest catching the light. "I mean, come on."
"They're for fighting, not fashion."
"So are kilts, but you don't see me rocking the tartan."
"And thank God for that. You're too bowlegged to pull that shit off."
Butch assumed a bored expression. "You can bite me.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You never knew the last time you were seeing someone. You didn't know when the last argument happened, or the last time you had sex, or the last time you looked into their eyes and thanked God they were in your life.
After they were gone?
That was all you thought about.
Day and night.
From Lover Mine
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Life
But that was life: Nobody got a guided tour to their own theme park. You had to hop on the rides as they presented themselves, never knowing whether you would like the one you were in line for...or if the bastard was going to make you throw up your corn dog and your cotton candy all over the place.
From Crave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I'm going to talk to her."
"And how's that going to go? You're just going to walk up to her and say, 'Hey, I know you've never seen me before, but I'm your dad. Oh, and guess what? You've won the evolutionary lottery: You're a vampire. Let's go to Disneyland!
From Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.

- Jane
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Yo, cop. We're heading for Screamer's. You wanna come?"

Butch looked up at the doorway. Vishous was in the hall with Rhage and Phury behind him. The vampires had expectant looks on their faces, like they honestly wanted to hang with him.

Butch found himself grinning like the new kid who didn't have to sit alone at lunch after all.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Z: "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."

Phury: "That was you?"

Z:"You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?
From Lover Awakened
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You're such a pain in the ass. (Butch)
Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)
From Lover Revealed
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
There aren't any syringes." Red Sox came over and held a sterile pack out. When she tried to take it from him, he kept a grip on the thing. "I know you'll use this wisely."
"Wisely?" She snapped the syringe out of his hand. "No, I'm going to poke him in the eye with it. Because that's what they trained me to do in medical school.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Life is such a glorious trauma, is it not?
From Lover Avenged
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Life
Wrath: What the hell are you supposed to ask?

Rhage: I know! Who do you like the most? It's me right?Come on, you know it is. Come oooooonnnnn-

Butch: If its you,, I'll kill myself.

V: No, that just means she's blind.

Rhage: It has to be me.

V: She said she didn't like you at first.

Rhage: Ah, but I won her over, which is more than anyone else can say about you, hot stuff.

J.R.: I don't like anyone the best

Wrath: Right answer.

Rhage: She's just sparing all of you feelings. (grins, becoming impossibly handsome) She's so polite.

J.R.: Next question?

Rhage: Why do you like me the best?
From The Black Dagger Brotherhood: An Insider's Guide
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.
From Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Terrific. A bisexual dominant vampire with kidnapping expertise.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
The staircase that was revealed was lit with a soft red glow.
I feel like I'm walking down into a porn movie," V muttered as they took the steps with care.
Wouldn't that require more black candles for you," Zsadist cracked.
At the bottom of the landing, they looked left and right down a corridor carved out of stone, seeing row after row of...black candles with ruby color flames.
I take that back," Z said, eyeing the display.
We start hearing chick-a-wow-wow shit," V cut in, "can I start calling you Z-packed?"
Not if you want to keep breathing.
From Lover Avenged
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Ride?" Rhage snorted. "Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker in fourth gear from a dead stop."

When there was an odd sound from behind, John looked back. So did the three Brothers.

"What." Xhex bristled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can laugh, you know. And that's . . . pretty damn funny."

Rhage beamed. "I knew I liked you.
From Lover Mine
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.

She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.

On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.

Cool.
From Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You so need to lighten up about that potato-launcher incident," Butch said.
Phury rolled his eyes and eased back in the banquette. "You broke my window."
"Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it."
"Twice."
"Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I liked you, cop. From the moment I met you. No… not the first moment. I wanted to kill you when I first met you. But then I liked you. A lot.
From Lover Revealed
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?”

Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body.

“We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered.
From Lover Eternal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Tell you what, you let me go, and I’ll ask you plenty of questions about your race. Until then, I’m slightly distracted with how this little vacation on the good ship Holy Sh*t is going to pan out for me.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You're getting into some kind of shape, cop."
Aw, come on, now." Butch grinned. "Don't let that shower we took go to your head."
Rhage fired a towel at the male. "Just pointing out your beer gut's gone."
It was a Scotch pot. And I don't miss it.
From Lover Eternal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
They don't fit you?" V asked his roommate.
"Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People." Butch held his heavy arms out and turned in a circle, his bare chest catching the light. "I mean, come on."
"They're for fighting, not fashion."
"So are kilts, but you don't see me rocking the tartan."
"And thank God for that. You're too bowlegged to pull that shit off."
Butch assumed a bored expression. "You can bite me.
From Lover Unbound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You never knew the last time you were seeing someone. You didn't know when the last argument happened, or the last time you had sex, or the last time you looked into their eyes and thanked God they were in your life.
After they were gone?
That was all you thought about.
Day and night.
From Lover Mine
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Life
But that was life: Nobody got a guided tour to their own theme park. You had to hop on the rides as they presented themselves, never knowing whether you would like the one you were in line for...or if the bastard was going to make you throw up your corn dog and your cotton candy all over the place.
From Crave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny