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Jim Butcher

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You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.
From Summer Knight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Harry Dresden. Saving the world, one act of random destruction at a time.
From Mean Streets
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there’s any mud on them?"

I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you’re featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn’t yet realize you had. You’re dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy.” I turned to face the door again. “I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots.
From Proven Guilty
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.
From Proven Guilty
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hope is a force of nature. Don't let anyone tell you different.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Pain is a byproduct of life. That’s the truth. Life sometimes sucks. That’s true for everyone. But if you don’t face the pain and the suck, you don’t ever get the other things either. Laughter. Joy. Love. Pain passes, but those things are worth fighting for. Worth dying for.
From Vignette
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
It bothered me that he was right. Without Sir Stuart's intervention, I'd have been dead again already.

That's right--you heard me: dead again already.

I mean, come on. How screwed up is your life (after- or otherwise) when you find yourself needing phrases like that?
From Ghost Story
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon—perfect.
From Storm Front
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.
From Vignette
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If your opponent has you by fifty pounds, winning a fight against him is a dubious proposition, at best. If your opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Road-kill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
From Small Favor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're such a cynic," Molly said.

"I think cynics are playful and cute.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
We're ostriches and the whole world is sand.
From Small Favor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
But there were some things I believed in. Some things I had faith in. And faith isn't about perfect attendance to services, or how much money you put on the little plate. It isn't about going skyclad to the Holy Rites, or meditating each day upon the divine.
Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others - even when there's not going to be anyone telling you what a hero you are.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
From Storm Front
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ack!" I said.

Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.
From Dead Beat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
How long have you been a Wiccan?'
'A what?'
'A pagan. A witch.'
'I'm not a witch,' I said, glancing out the door. 'I'm a wizard.'
Sanya frowned. 'What is the difference?'
'Wizard has a Z'
He looked at me blankly.
'No one appreciates me.' I muttered.
From Death Masks
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thing any reasonable wizard could have done.
I turned around and ran like hell.
From Death Masks
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hell's bells, irony blows.
From Blood Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.
From Blood Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If you go to your death rather than do everything you might to prevent what is happening, you are merely committing suicide and trying to make yourself feel better about it. That is the act of a coward. It is beneath contempt.
From Dead Beat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
The man once wrote: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Tolkien had that one mostly right.

I stepped forward, let the door bang closed, and snarled, "Fuck subtle.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.
From Grave Peril
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.
From Summer Knight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Harry Dresden. Saving the world, one act of random destruction at a time.
From Mean Streets
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there’s any mud on them?"

I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you’re featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn’t yet realize you had. You’re dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy.” I turned to face the door again. “I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots.
From Proven Guilty
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.
From Proven Guilty
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hope is a force of nature. Don't let anyone tell you different.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Pain is a byproduct of life. That’s the truth. Life sometimes sucks. That’s true for everyone. But if you don’t face the pain and the suck, you don’t ever get the other things either. Laughter. Joy. Love. Pain passes, but those things are worth fighting for. Worth dying for.
From Vignette
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
It bothered me that he was right. Without Sir Stuart's intervention, I'd have been dead again already.

That's right--you heard me: dead again already.

I mean, come on. How screwed up is your life (after- or otherwise) when you find yourself needing phrases like that?
From Ghost Story
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon—perfect.
From Storm Front
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.
From Vignette
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If your opponent has you by fifty pounds, winning a fight against him is a dubious proposition, at best. If your opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Road-kill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
From Small Favor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're such a cynic," Molly said.

"I think cynics are playful and cute.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
We're ostriches and the whole world is sand.
From Small Favor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
But there were some things I believed in. Some things I had faith in. And faith isn't about perfect attendance to services, or how much money you put on the little plate. It isn't about going skyclad to the Holy Rites, or meditating each day upon the divine.
Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others - even when there's not going to be anyone telling you what a hero you are.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
From Storm Front
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ack!" I said.

Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.
From Dead Beat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
How long have you been a Wiccan?'
'A what?'
'A pagan. A witch.'
'I'm not a witch,' I said, glancing out the door. 'I'm a wizard.'
Sanya frowned. 'What is the difference?'
'Wizard has a Z'
He looked at me blankly.
'No one appreciates me.' I muttered.
From Death Masks
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thing any reasonable wizard could have done.
I turned around and ran like hell.
From Death Masks
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hell's bells, irony blows.
From Blood Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.
From Blood Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If you go to your death rather than do everything you might to prevent what is happening, you are merely committing suicide and trying to make yourself feel better about it. That is the act of a coward. It is beneath contempt.
From Dead Beat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
The man once wrote: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Tolkien had that one mostly right.

I stepped forward, let the door bang closed, and snarled, "Fuck subtle.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.
From Grave Peril
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.
From Summer Knight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Harry Dresden. Saving the world, one act of random destruction at a time.
From Mean Streets
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there’s any mud on them?"

I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you’re featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn’t yet realize you had. You’re dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy.” I turned to face the door again. “I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots.
From Proven Guilty
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.
From Proven Guilty
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hope is a force of nature. Don't let anyone tell you different.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Pain is a byproduct of life. That’s the truth. Life sometimes sucks. That’s true for everyone. But if you don’t face the pain and the suck, you don’t ever get the other things either. Laughter. Joy. Love. Pain passes, but those things are worth fighting for. Worth dying for.
From Vignette
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
It bothered me that he was right. Without Sir Stuart's intervention, I'd have been dead again already.

That's right--you heard me: dead again already.

I mean, come on. How screwed up is your life (after- or otherwise) when you find yourself needing phrases like that?
From Ghost Story
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon—perfect.
From Storm Front
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.
From Vignette
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If your opponent has you by fifty pounds, winning a fight against him is a dubious proposition, at best. If your opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Road-kill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
From Small Favor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're such a cynic," Molly said.

"I think cynics are playful and cute.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
We're ostriches and the whole world is sand.
From Small Favor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
But there were some things I believed in. Some things I had faith in. And faith isn't about perfect attendance to services, or how much money you put on the little plate. It isn't about going skyclad to the Holy Rites, or meditating each day upon the divine.
Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others - even when there's not going to be anyone telling you what a hero you are.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
From Storm Front
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ack!" I said.

Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.
From Dead Beat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
How long have you been a Wiccan?'
'A what?'
'A pagan. A witch.'
'I'm not a witch,' I said, glancing out the door. 'I'm a wizard.'
Sanya frowned. 'What is the difference?'
'Wizard has a Z'
He looked at me blankly.
'No one appreciates me.' I muttered.
From Death Masks
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thing any reasonable wizard could have done.
I turned around and ran like hell.
From Death Masks
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hell's bells, irony blows.
From Blood Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.
From Blood Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If you go to your death rather than do everything you might to prevent what is happening, you are merely committing suicide and trying to make yourself feel better about it. That is the act of a coward. It is beneath contempt.
From Dead Beat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
The man once wrote: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Tolkien had that one mostly right.

I stepped forward, let the door bang closed, and snarled, "Fuck subtle.
From Changes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.
From Grave Peril
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
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