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P.G. Wodehouse

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It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.
From The Girl in Blue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.
From Jeeves in the Morning
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare -- or, if not, it's some equally brainy lad -- who says that it's always just when a chappie is feeling particularly top-hole, and more than usually braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with a bit of lead piping.
From My Man Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
From The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
From Very Good, Jeeves!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.
From Love Among the Chickens
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It's a great gift.
From The Girl in Blue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.
From The Small Bachelor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.
From Very Good, Jeeves!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.
From The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?
From Mike and Psmith
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.
From Right Ho, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The true philosopher is a man who says "All right," and goes to sleep in his armchair.
From Mike at Wrykyn
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
From The Best of Wodehouse: An Anthology
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.
From Love Among the Chickens
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
From The Adventures of Sally
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.
From The Girl in Blue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.
From Jeeves in the Morning
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare -- or, if not, it's some equally brainy lad -- who says that it's always just when a chappie is feeling particularly top-hole, and more than usually braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with a bit of lead piping.
From My Man Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
From The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
From Very Good, Jeeves!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.
From Love Among the Chickens
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It's a great gift.
From The Girl in Blue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.
From The Small Bachelor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.
From Very Good, Jeeves!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.
From The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?
From Mike and Psmith
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.
From Right Ho, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The true philosopher is a man who says "All right," and goes to sleep in his armchair.
From Mike at Wrykyn
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
From The Best of Wodehouse: An Anthology
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.
From Love Among the Chickens
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
From The Adventures of Sally
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.
From The Girl in Blue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.
From Jeeves in the Morning
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare -- or, if not, it's some equally brainy lad -- who says that it's always just when a chappie is feeling particularly top-hole, and more than usually braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with a bit of lead piping.
From My Man Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
From The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
From Very Good, Jeeves!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.
From Love Among the Chickens
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
From Carry On, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It's a great gift.
From The Girl in Blue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.
From The Small Bachelor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.
From Very Good, Jeeves!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.
From The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?
From Mike and Psmith
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.
From Right Ho, Jeeves
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The true philosopher is a man who says "All right," and goes to sleep in his armchair.
From Mike at Wrykyn
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
From The Best of Wodehouse: An Anthology
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.
From Love Among the Chickens
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
From The Adventures of Sally
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
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