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Bill Watterson

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Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
From The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Now what state do you live in?'
'Denial.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!
From Something Under the Bed is Drooling
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.
Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.
From There's Treasure Everywhere
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
HOBBES:
Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
Reality continues to ruin my life.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957.
From Scientific Progress Goes "Boink": A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Motivational
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
From Weirdos From Another Planet: Calvin & Hobbes Series: Book Six
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
HOBBES:
If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
From The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
From The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Now what state do you live in?'
'Denial.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!
From Something Under the Bed is Drooling
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.
Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.
From There's Treasure Everywhere
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
HOBBES:
Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
Reality continues to ruin my life.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957.
From Scientific Progress Goes "Boink": A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Motivational
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
From Weirdos From Another Planet: Calvin & Hobbes Series: Book Six
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
HOBBES:
If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
From The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
From The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Now what state do you live in?'
'Denial.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!
From Something Under the Bed is Drooling
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.
Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.
From There's Treasure Everywhere
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
HOBBES:
Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
Reality continues to ruin my life.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957.
From Scientific Progress Goes "Boink": A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Motivational
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
From Weirdos From Another Planet: Calvin & Hobbes Series: Book Six
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
HOBBES:
If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
From The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
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