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Bill Watterson

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I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?
From Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: a Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.
From There's Treasure Everywhere
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"
Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet
From Calvin and Hobbes: Sunday Pages, 1985-1995: An Exhibition Catalogue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical, Television
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational, Life
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
From Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
From Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?
If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?
And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?
HOBBES:
I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday?
CALVIN:
Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life, Religion
Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life, Religion
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!
Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg!
[Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.]
Hobbes: Look, it's just a game.
Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?
From Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: a Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.
From There's Treasure Everywhere
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"
Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet
From Calvin and Hobbes: Sunday Pages, 1985-1995: An Exhibition Catalogue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical, Television
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational, Life
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
From Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
From Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?
If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?
And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?
HOBBES:
I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday?
CALVIN:
Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life, Religion
Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life, Religion
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!
Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg!
[Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.]
Hobbes: Look, it's just a game.
Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?
From Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: a Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.
From There's Treasure Everywhere
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"
Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet
From Calvin and Hobbes: Sunday Pages, 1985-1995: An Exhibition Catalogue
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical, Television
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational, Life
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
From Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
From Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
From It's a Magical World
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
CALVIN:
This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?
If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?
And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?
HOBBES:
I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday?
CALVIN:
Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life, Religion
Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
From The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life, Religion
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Life
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
From The Essential Calvin and Hobbes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!
Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg!
[Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.]
Hobbes: Look, it's just a game.
Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
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