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Cassandra Clare

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 		...
No. Absolutely not.'
'Simon,' she said. 'It’s a perfectly fine plan.'
'The plan where you follow Jace and Sebastian off to some unknown dimensional pocket and we use these rings to communicate so those of us over here in the regular dimension of Earth can track you down? That plan?'
'Yes.'
'No,' he said. 'No, it isn’t.'
Clary sat back. 'You don’t just get to say no.'
'This plan involves me! I get to say no! No.'
'Simon—'
Simon patted the seat beside him as if someone were sitting there. 'Let me introduce you to my good friend No.
From City of Lost Souls
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
molesting the vampire while he's too weak to fight back, iz? jace asked. i'm pretty sure that violates at least one of the accords.
From City of Glass
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Nobody calls me 'blondie' and keeps their kneecaps.
From Lady Midnight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
"I adore Wilkie Collins,” Tessa cried. “Oh—Armadale! And The Woman in White …
Are you laughing at me?”
“Not at you,” said Will, grinning, “more because of you. I’ve never seen anyone get so
excited over books before. You’d think they were diamonds.”
“Well, they are, aren’t they? Isn’t there anything you love like that? And don’t say ‘spats’ or ‘lawn tennis’ or something silly.”
“Good Lord,” he said with mock horror, “it’s like she knows me already."
From Clockwork Angel
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I think she just asked if she could touch my mango.
From City of Fallen Angels
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle," he said. "You got him to speak."
"Just to shout at me, really," said Tessa. "Not quite loaves and fishes.
From Clockwork Prince
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hope is a prison, truth is the key that unlocks it.
From Chain of Iron
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Sometimes it comes down to a choice," Magnus said. "Between saving one person and saving the whole world. I've seen it happen, and I'm selfish enough to want the person who loves me to choose me. But Nephilim wil always choose the world. I look at Alec and I feel like Lucifer in Paradise Lost. 'Abashed the Devil stood, And felt how awful goodness is.' He meant it in the classical sense. 'Awful' as in inspiring awe. And awe is well and good, but it's poison to love. Love has to be between equals."
"He's just a boy," said Luke. "Alec--he's not perfect. And you're not fallen."
"We're all fallen," said Magnus, and he wrapped himself up in his chains and was silent.
From City of Heavenly Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What are all these?" Clary asked.
"Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades," Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, "electrum wire - not much use at the moment but it's always good to have spares - silver bullets, charms of protetion, crucifixes, stars of David-"
"Jesus," said Clary
"I doubt he'd fit."
"Jace." Clary was appalled.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
"We need to talk. All of us About what we're going to do now."
"I was going to watch Project Runway."
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Lawful good to lawful evil!" said Simon, pleased.
"He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons," said Clary. "Ignore him.
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted.

Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly.

Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-"

No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat."

She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust.

I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He’s not feeling well,” Clary said, catching at Simon’s wrist. “We’re going.”
“No,” Simon said. “No, I — I need to talk to him. To the Inquisitor."
Robert reached into his jacket and drew out a crucifix. Clary stared in shock as he held it up between himself and Simon. “I speak to the Night’s Children Council representative, or to the head of the New York clan,” he said. “Not to any vampire who comes to knock at my door —“
Simon reached out and plucked the cross out of Robert’s hand. “Wrong religion,” he said.
From City of Heavenly Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
As it turned out, everyone wanted a doughnut. Jace wanted two.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You have something on your neck.
What
Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway?
Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head.
And ran into a vampire
What? No! I fell.
On your neck?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I need to know you believe me when I say I love you. That is all."
"I believe everything you say," Tessa said with a smile, her hands creeping doen from his waist to his weapons belt. Her fingers closed on the hilt of the dagger, and she yanked it from the belt, smiling as he looked down at her in surprise. "After all," she said, "you weren't lying about the tattoo of the dragon of Wales, were you?
From Clockwork Princess
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Charlotte, darling, Henry said to his wife, who was staring at im in gape-mouthed horror. Jassamine, beside her, was wided eyed. Sorry im late. You know, i think i might nearly have the sensor working-
Will interrupted. Henry, he said, your on fire. You do know that, don't you?

Oh, yes, Henry said eagerly. The flames were now nearly to his shoulder. I've been working like a man possessed all day. Charlotte, did you hear what i said about the sensor?
Charlotte dropped her hand from her mouth. Henry! She shrieked. Your arm!

Henry glanced down at his arm, and his mouth dropped open.
Bloody hell!
From Clockwork Angel
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Why are you here?"
"'Here' as in your bedroom, or 'here' as in the great, spiritual question of our purpose here on this planet? If you're asking me whether this is all some cosmic coincidence or if there's a greater meta-ethical purpose to life, well, that's a puzzler for the ages. I mean, modern-day reductionism is clearly a fallacious argument, but-,"
-"I'm going back to bed."
-"I'm here because Hodge reminded me it's your birthday.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island" could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
From City of Lost Souls
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with is"
Sure" said Magnus. "And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change -Clary Fray
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She supposed they were imperfections, those marks, but they didn't feel that way to her; they were a history, cut into his body: the map of a life of endless war.
From City of Glass
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
No. Absolutely not.'
'Simon,' she said. 'It’s a perfectly fine plan.'
'The plan where you follow Jace and Sebastian off to some unknown dimensional pocket and we use these rings to communicate so those of us over here in the regular dimension of Earth can track you down? That plan?'
'Yes.'
'No,' he said. 'No, it isn’t.'
Clary sat back. 'You don’t just get to say no.'
'This plan involves me! I get to say no! No.'
'Simon—'
Simon patted the seat beside him as if someone were sitting there. 'Let me introduce you to my good friend No.
From City of Lost Souls
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
molesting the vampire while he's too weak to fight back, iz? jace asked. i'm pretty sure that violates at least one of the accords.
From City of Glass
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Nobody calls me 'blondie' and keeps their kneecaps.
From Lady Midnight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
"I adore Wilkie Collins,” Tessa cried. “Oh—Armadale! And The Woman in White …
Are you laughing at me?”
“Not at you,” said Will, grinning, “more because of you. I’ve never seen anyone get so
excited over books before. You’d think they were diamonds.”
“Well, they are, aren’t they? Isn’t there anything you love like that? And don’t say ‘spats’ or ‘lawn tennis’ or something silly.”
“Good Lord,” he said with mock horror, “it’s like she knows me already."
From Clockwork Angel
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I think she just asked if she could touch my mango.
From City of Fallen Angels
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle," he said. "You got him to speak."
"Just to shout at me, really," said Tessa. "Not quite loaves and fishes.
From Clockwork Prince
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hope is a prison, truth is the key that unlocks it.
From Chain of Iron
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Sometimes it comes down to a choice," Magnus said. "Between saving one person and saving the whole world. I've seen it happen, and I'm selfish enough to want the person who loves me to choose me. But Nephilim wil always choose the world. I look at Alec and I feel like Lucifer in Paradise Lost. 'Abashed the Devil stood, And felt how awful goodness is.' He meant it in the classical sense. 'Awful' as in inspiring awe. And awe is well and good, but it's poison to love. Love has to be between equals."
"He's just a boy," said Luke. "Alec--he's not perfect. And you're not fallen."
"We're all fallen," said Magnus, and he wrapped himself up in his chains and was silent.
From City of Heavenly Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What are all these?" Clary asked.
"Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades," Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, "electrum wire - not much use at the moment but it's always good to have spares - silver bullets, charms of protetion, crucifixes, stars of David-"
"Jesus," said Clary
"I doubt he'd fit."
"Jace." Clary was appalled.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
"We need to talk. All of us About what we're going to do now."
"I was going to watch Project Runway."
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Lawful good to lawful evil!" said Simon, pleased.
"He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons," said Clary. "Ignore him.
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted.

Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly.

Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-"

No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat."

She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust.

I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He’s not feeling well,” Clary said, catching at Simon’s wrist. “We’re going.”
“No,” Simon said. “No, I — I need to talk to him. To the Inquisitor."
Robert reached into his jacket and drew out a crucifix. Clary stared in shock as he held it up between himself and Simon. “I speak to the Night’s Children Council representative, or to the head of the New York clan,” he said. “Not to any vampire who comes to knock at my door —“
Simon reached out and plucked the cross out of Robert’s hand. “Wrong religion,” he said.
From City of Heavenly Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
As it turned out, everyone wanted a doughnut. Jace wanted two.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You have something on your neck.
What
Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway?
Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head.
And ran into a vampire
What? No! I fell.
On your neck?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I need to know you believe me when I say I love you. That is all."
"I believe everything you say," Tessa said with a smile, her hands creeping doen from his waist to his weapons belt. Her fingers closed on the hilt of the dagger, and she yanked it from the belt, smiling as he looked down at her in surprise. "After all," she said, "you weren't lying about the tattoo of the dragon of Wales, were you?
From Clockwork Princess
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Charlotte, darling, Henry said to his wife, who was staring at im in gape-mouthed horror. Jassamine, beside her, was wided eyed. Sorry im late. You know, i think i might nearly have the sensor working-
Will interrupted. Henry, he said, your on fire. You do know that, don't you?

Oh, yes, Henry said eagerly. The flames were now nearly to his shoulder. I've been working like a man possessed all day. Charlotte, did you hear what i said about the sensor?
Charlotte dropped her hand from her mouth. Henry! She shrieked. Your arm!

Henry glanced down at his arm, and his mouth dropped open.
Bloody hell!
From Clockwork Angel
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Why are you here?"
"'Here' as in your bedroom, or 'here' as in the great, spiritual question of our purpose here on this planet? If you're asking me whether this is all some cosmic coincidence or if there's a greater meta-ethical purpose to life, well, that's a puzzler for the ages. I mean, modern-day reductionism is clearly a fallacious argument, but-,"
-"I'm going back to bed."
-"I'm here because Hodge reminded me it's your birthday.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island" could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
From City of Lost Souls
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with is"
Sure" said Magnus. "And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change -Clary Fray
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She supposed they were imperfections, those marks, but they didn't feel that way to her; they were a history, cut into his body: the map of a life of endless war.
From City of Glass
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
No. Absolutely not.'
'Simon,' she said. 'It’s a perfectly fine plan.'
'The plan where you follow Jace and Sebastian off to some unknown dimensional pocket and we use these rings to communicate so those of us over here in the regular dimension of Earth can track you down? That plan?'
'Yes.'
'No,' he said. 'No, it isn’t.'
Clary sat back. 'You don’t just get to say no.'
'This plan involves me! I get to say no! No.'
'Simon—'
Simon patted the seat beside him as if someone were sitting there. 'Let me introduce you to my good friend No.
From City of Lost Souls
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
molesting the vampire while he's too weak to fight back, iz? jace asked. i'm pretty sure that violates at least one of the accords.
From City of Glass
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Nobody calls me 'blondie' and keeps their kneecaps.
From Lady Midnight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
"I adore Wilkie Collins,” Tessa cried. “Oh—Armadale! And The Woman in White …
Are you laughing at me?”
“Not at you,” said Will, grinning, “more because of you. I’ve never seen anyone get so
excited over books before. You’d think they were diamonds.”
“Well, they are, aren’t they? Isn’t there anything you love like that? And don’t say ‘spats’ or ‘lawn tennis’ or something silly.”
“Good Lord,” he said with mock horror, “it’s like she knows me already."
From Clockwork Angel
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I think she just asked if she could touch my mango.
From City of Fallen Angels
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle," he said. "You got him to speak."
"Just to shout at me, really," said Tessa. "Not quite loaves and fishes.
From Clockwork Prince
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Hope is a prison, truth is the key that unlocks it.
From Chain of Iron
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Sometimes it comes down to a choice," Magnus said. "Between saving one person and saving the whole world. I've seen it happen, and I'm selfish enough to want the person who loves me to choose me. But Nephilim wil always choose the world. I look at Alec and I feel like Lucifer in Paradise Lost. 'Abashed the Devil stood, And felt how awful goodness is.' He meant it in the classical sense. 'Awful' as in inspiring awe. And awe is well and good, but it's poison to love. Love has to be between equals."
"He's just a boy," said Luke. "Alec--he's not perfect. And you're not fallen."
"We're all fallen," said Magnus, and he wrapped himself up in his chains and was silent.
From City of Heavenly Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What are all these?" Clary asked.
"Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades," Jace said, piling the weapons on the floor beside him, "electrum wire - not much use at the moment but it's always good to have spares - silver bullets, charms of protetion, crucifixes, stars of David-"
"Jesus," said Clary
"I doubt he'd fit."
"Jace." Clary was appalled.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
"We need to talk. All of us About what we're going to do now."
"I was going to watch Project Runway."
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Lawful good to lawful evil!" said Simon, pleased.
"He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons," said Clary. "Ignore him.
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted.

Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly.

Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-"

No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat."

She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust.

I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
He’s not feeling well,” Clary said, catching at Simon’s wrist. “We’re going.”
“No,” Simon said. “No, I — I need to talk to him. To the Inquisitor."
Robert reached into his jacket and drew out a crucifix. Clary stared in shock as he held it up between himself and Simon. “I speak to the Night’s Children Council representative, or to the head of the New York clan,” he said. “Not to any vampire who comes to knock at my door —“
Simon reached out and plucked the cross out of Robert’s hand. “Wrong religion,” he said.
From City of Heavenly Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
As it turned out, everyone wanted a doughnut. Jace wanted two.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You have something on your neck.
What
Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway?
Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head.
And ran into a vampire
What? No! I fell.
On your neck?
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I need to know you believe me when I say I love you. That is all."
"I believe everything you say," Tessa said with a smile, her hands creeping doen from his waist to his weapons belt. Her fingers closed on the hilt of the dagger, and she yanked it from the belt, smiling as he looked down at her in surprise. "After all," she said, "you weren't lying about the tattoo of the dragon of Wales, were you?
From Clockwork Princess
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Charlotte, darling, Henry said to his wife, who was staring at im in gape-mouthed horror. Jassamine, beside her, was wided eyed. Sorry im late. You know, i think i might nearly have the sensor working-
Will interrupted. Henry, he said, your on fire. You do know that, don't you?

Oh, yes, Henry said eagerly. The flames were now nearly to his shoulder. I've been working like a man possessed all day. Charlotte, did you hear what i said about the sensor?
Charlotte dropped her hand from her mouth. Henry! She shrieked. Your arm!

Henry glanced down at his arm, and his mouth dropped open.
Bloody hell!
From Clockwork Angel
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Why are you here?"
"'Here' as in your bedroom, or 'here' as in the great, spiritual question of our purpose here on this planet? If you're asking me whether this is all some cosmic coincidence or if there's a greater meta-ethical purpose to life, well, that's a puzzler for the ages. I mean, modern-day reductionism is clearly a fallacious argument, but-,"
-"I'm going back to bed."
-"I'm here because Hodge reminded me it's your birthday.
From City of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island" could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
From City of Lost Souls
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with is"
Sure" said Magnus. "And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change -Clary Fray
From City of Ashes
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
She supposed they were imperfections, those marks, but they didn't feel that way to her; they were a history, cut into his body: the map of a life of endless war.
From City of Glass
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
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 		...