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Derek Landy

Writer
Every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The urge for destruction. The urge to hurt, maim, kill.

It’s quite a thing, to experience that urge, to let it wash over you, to give in to it. It’s addictive. It’s all-consuming. You lose yourself to it. It’s quite, quite wonderful. I can feel it, even as I speak, tapping around the edges of my mind, trying to prise me open, slip its fingers in. And it would be so easy to let it happen.

But we’re all like that, aren’t we? We’re all barbarians at our core. We’re all savage, murderous beasts. I know I am. I’m sure you are. The only difference between us, Mr Prave, is how loudly we roar. I know I roar very loudly indeed. How about you? Do you think you can match me?
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Topic: Death
It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows -
From Mortal Coil
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Topic: Funny
Where are you going?"
"Nowhere special. I just have some... things to do."
"Why did you pause?'
"I'm sorry?"
"You paused. You have 'some... things to do.'
"No reason, I just--"
"You're up to something."
"No--"
"Then why'd you pause?"
"Get in the car."
She got in. He got in.
"Seat belt," he said.
Why'd you pause?"
His head drooped. "Because I'm up to somthing."
"And why can't I come with you?"
"Because it's something sneaky."
"Do you promise to tell me later?"
"I do."
"Well all right then." She clicked her seat belt into place. "Let's go.
From Playing with Fire
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Topic: Funny
Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said.
'I could have tripped.'
She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
'I'm joking,' he said at last.
She relaxed. 'Really?'
'Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.
From Playing with Fire
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Topic: Funny
We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant
From Playing with Fire
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Topic: Funny
Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.
"Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs."
"Really?"
"Oh, yes."
She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?"
"They just are."
"In what way?"
"In a magicky way."
She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?"
"Not really.
From Mortal Coil
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Topic: Funny
Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.
From Skulduggery Pleasant
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Topic: Funny
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
From Death Bringer
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Topic: Funny
Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death
You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick.”
“You wanted a weapon.”
“It was a stick.”
“It had a bow on it.”
“It was a stick.”
“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
It all depends on what people you're talking about helping. That's the wonderful think about just about every religion on the planet - they're all so incredibly selfish.
From Death Bringer
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Topic: Religion
They might be kittens," she said hopefully.
"They're stalking us."
"They might be shy."
"I don't think it's kittens, Valkyrie."
"Puppies, then?
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said.

China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
tanith: have you called the police?
fergus: they, uh, they said theyd call by this afternoon.
tanith: tell them not to bother... im his doctor.
beryl: what kind of doctor dresses in brown leather?
tanith: the kind that looks good init
From The Faceless Ones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You look angry," he said.
"You put me on hold."
"For a very good reason."
"You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain - so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn't, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Relationships
Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He's just finally caught up with where he's supposed to be.
From Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Relationships
Plans are invitation to disappointment.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The urge for destruction. The urge to hurt, maim, kill.

It’s quite a thing, to experience that urge, to let it wash over you, to give in to it. It’s addictive. It’s all-consuming. You lose yourself to it. It’s quite, quite wonderful. I can feel it, even as I speak, tapping around the edges of my mind, trying to prise me open, slip its fingers in. And it would be so easy to let it happen.

But we’re all like that, aren’t we? We’re all barbarians at our core. We’re all savage, murderous beasts. I know I am. I’m sure you are. The only difference between us, Mr Prave, is how loudly we roar. I know I roar very loudly indeed. How about you? Do you think you can match me?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death
It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows -
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Where are you going?"
"Nowhere special. I just have some... things to do."
"Why did you pause?'
"I'm sorry?"
"You paused. You have 'some... things to do.'
"No reason, I just--"
"You're up to something."
"No--"
"Then why'd you pause?"
"Get in the car."
She got in. He got in.
"Seat belt," he said.
Why'd you pause?"
His head drooped. "Because I'm up to somthing."
"And why can't I come with you?"
"Because it's something sneaky."
"Do you promise to tell me later?"
"I do."
"Well all right then." She clicked her seat belt into place. "Let's go.
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said.
'I could have tripped.'
She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
'I'm joking,' he said at last.
She relaxed. 'Really?'
'Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.
"Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs."
"Really?"
"Oh, yes."
She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?"
"They just are."
"In what way?"
"In a magicky way."
She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?"
"Not really.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.
From Skulduggery Pleasant
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
From Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death
You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick.”
“You wanted a weapon.”
“It was a stick.”
“It had a bow on it.”
“It was a stick.”
“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
It all depends on what people you're talking about helping. That's the wonderful think about just about every religion on the planet - they're all so incredibly selfish.
From Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Religion
They might be kittens," she said hopefully.
"They're stalking us."
"They might be shy."
"I don't think it's kittens, Valkyrie."
"Puppies, then?
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said.

China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
tanith: have you called the police?
fergus: they, uh, they said theyd call by this afternoon.
tanith: tell them not to bother... im his doctor.
beryl: what kind of doctor dresses in brown leather?
tanith: the kind that looks good init
From The Faceless Ones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You look angry," he said.
"You put me on hold."
"For a very good reason."
"You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain - so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn't, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Relationships
Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He's just finally caught up with where he's supposed to be.
From Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Relationships
Plans are invitation to disappointment.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The urge for destruction. The urge to hurt, maim, kill.

It’s quite a thing, to experience that urge, to let it wash over you, to give in to it. It’s addictive. It’s all-consuming. You lose yourself to it. It’s quite, quite wonderful. I can feel it, even as I speak, tapping around the edges of my mind, trying to prise me open, slip its fingers in. And it would be so easy to let it happen.

But we’re all like that, aren’t we? We’re all barbarians at our core. We’re all savage, murderous beasts. I know I am. I’m sure you are. The only difference between us, Mr Prave, is how loudly we roar. I know I roar very loudly indeed. How about you? Do you think you can match me?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death
It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows -
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Where are you going?"
"Nowhere special. I just have some... things to do."
"Why did you pause?'
"I'm sorry?"
"You paused. You have 'some... things to do.'
"No reason, I just--"
"You're up to something."
"No--"
"Then why'd you pause?"
"Get in the car."
She got in. He got in.
"Seat belt," he said.
Why'd you pause?"
His head drooped. "Because I'm up to somthing."
"And why can't I come with you?"
"Because it's something sneaky."
"Do you promise to tell me later?"
"I do."
"Well all right then." She clicked her seat belt into place. "Let's go.
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said.
'I could have tripped.'
She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
'I'm joking,' he said at last.
She relaxed. 'Really?'
'Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.
"Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs."
"Really?"
"Oh, yes."
She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?"
"They just are."
"In what way?"
"In a magicky way."
She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?"
"Not really.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.
From Skulduggery Pleasant
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
From Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Death
You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick.”
“You wanted a weapon.”
“It was a stick.”
“It had a bow on it.”
“It was a stick.”
“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
It all depends on what people you're talking about helping. That's the wonderful think about just about every religion on the planet - they're all so incredibly selfish.
From Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Religion
They might be kittens," she said hopefully.
"They're stalking us."
"They might be shy."
"I don't think it's kittens, Valkyrie."
"Puppies, then?
From Playing with Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said.

China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
tanith: have you called the police?
fergus: they, uh, they said theyd call by this afternoon.
tanith: tell them not to bother... im his doctor.
beryl: what kind of doctor dresses in brown leather?
tanith: the kind that looks good init
From The Faceless Ones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
You look angry," he said.
"You put me on hold."
"For a very good reason."
"You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.
From Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny
Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain - so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn't, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Relationships
Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He's just finally caught up with where he's supposed to be.
From Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Relationships
Plans are invitation to disappointment.
From Mortal Coil
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Topic: Funny