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Janet Evanovich

Writer
Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch
From Seven Up
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
From Twelve Sharp
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
She'll be back," Ranger said. "But not tonight."
[Stephanie] "How'd you get her to leave?"
"Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well go home."
I could feel the heat rush to my face.
Ranger gave me the wolf smile. "I lied about it being tonight," he said.
From Four to Score
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Nice dress. Take it off.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Babe!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?"
It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in the army."
I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant."
My father's mouth dropped open and a piece of ham fell out.
My mother froze, her fork poised in midair.
That's sort of a joke," I told Grandma. "Rangers don't get dogs pregnant in real life."
I looked at Ranger for corroboration and got another smile.
From Three to Get Deadly
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."
I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file.
From Eleven on Top
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum
From Two for the Dough
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off," he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch
From Seven Up
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
From Twelve Sharp
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
She'll be back," Ranger said. "But not tonight."
[Stephanie] "How'd you get her to leave?"
"Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well go home."
I could feel the heat rush to my face.
Ranger gave me the wolf smile. "I lied about it being tonight," he said.
From Four to Score
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Nice dress. Take it off.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Babe!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?"
It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in the army."
I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant."
My father's mouth dropped open and a piece of ham fell out.
My mother froze, her fork poised in midair.
That's sort of a joke," I told Grandma. "Rangers don't get dogs pregnant in real life."
I looked at Ranger for corroboration and got another smile.
From Three to Get Deadly
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."
I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file.
From Eleven on Top
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum
From Two for the Dough
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off," he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch
From Seven Up
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
From Twelve Sharp
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
She'll be back," Ranger said. "But not tonight."
[Stephanie] "How'd you get her to leave?"
"Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well go home."
I could feel the heat rush to my face.
Ranger gave me the wolf smile. "I lied about it being tonight," he said.
From Four to Score
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Nice dress. Take it off.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Babe!
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?"
It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in the army."
I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant."
My father's mouth dropped open and a piece of ham fell out.
My mother froze, her fork poised in midair.
That's sort of a joke," I told Grandma. "Rangers don't get dogs pregnant in real life."
I looked at Ranger for corroboration and got another smile.
From Three to Get Deadly
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."
I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file.
From Eleven on Top
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum
From Two for the Dough
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off," he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny