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Mark Twain

Writer

Mark Twain was a celebrated American author and humorist known for his sharp wit and keen observations of human nature. His words blend humor with honesty, often revealing deeper truths about society, morality, and life itself. The following quotes capture Twain’s timeless insight, satire, and unmistakable voice.
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The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. I know this by my own experience, & to this day I cherish an unappeased bitterness against the unfaithful guardians of my young life, who not only permitted but compelled me to read an unexpurgated Bible through before I was 15 years old. None can do that and ever draw a clean sweet breath again on this side of the grave.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
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Topic: Sports
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
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Topic: Funny
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
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Topic: Death, Inspirational
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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Topic: Education
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
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Topic: Education
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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Topic: Inspirational
I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.
From The Diaries of Adam and Eve
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Topic: Inspirational
Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all—the rest, to a man, are fools and eluded. One man knows there is a hell, the next one knows there isn’t; one man knows monarchy is best, the next one knows it isn’t; one man knows high tariff is right, the next man knows it isn’t; one man knows there are witches, the next one knows there aren’t; one sect knows its religion is the only true one, there are sixty-four thousand five hundred million sects that know it isn’t so.
From The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations
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Topic: Religion
Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.
From On Religion
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Topic: Religion
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Topic: Funny
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson and Other Tales
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Topic: Funny
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
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Topic: Funny
There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and
shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you
know ain't so'.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. I know this by my own experience, & to this day I cherish an unappeased bitterness against the unfaithful guardians of my young life, who not only permitted but compelled me to read an unexpurgated Bible through before I was 15 years old. None can do that and ever draw a clean sweet breath again on this side of the grave.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Sports
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Inspirational
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.
From The Diaries of Adam and Eve
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all—the rest, to a man, are fools and eluded. One man knows there is a hell, the next one knows there isn’t; one man knows monarchy is best, the next one knows it isn’t; one man knows high tariff is right, the next man knows it isn’t; one man knows there are witches, the next one knows there aren’t; one sect knows its religion is the only true one, there are sixty-four thousand five hundred million sects that know it isn’t so.
From The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.
From On Religion
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson and Other Tales
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and
shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you
know ain't so'.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. I know this by my own experience, & to this day I cherish an unappeased bitterness against the unfaithful guardians of my young life, who not only permitted but compelled me to read an unexpurgated Bible through before I was 15 years old. None can do that and ever draw a clean sweet breath again on this side of the grave.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Sports
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Inspirational
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.
From The Diaries of Adam and Eve
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all—the rest, to a man, are fools and eluded. One man knows there is a hell, the next one knows there isn’t; one man knows monarchy is best, the next one knows it isn’t; one man knows high tariff is right, the next man knows it isn’t; one man knows there are witches, the next one knows there aren’t; one sect knows its religion is the only true one, there are sixty-four thousand five hundred million sects that know it isn’t so.
From The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.
From On Religion
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson and Other Tales
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and
shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you
know ain't so'.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Life
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