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Mark Twain Quotes

Writer

Mark Twain was a celebrated American author and humorist known for his sharp wit and keen observations of human nature. His words blend humor with honesty, often revealing deeper truths about society, morality, and life itself. The following quotes capture Twain’s timeless insight, satire, and unmistakable voice.

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Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all—the rest, to a man, are fools and eluded. One man knows there is a hell, the next one knows there isn’t; one man knows monarchy is best, the next one knows it isn’t; one man knows high tariff is right, the next man knows it isn’t; one man knows there are witches, the next one knows there aren’t; one sect knows its religion is the only true one, there are sixty-four thousand five hundred million sects that know it isn’t so.
From The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations
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Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.
From On Religion
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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson and Other Tales
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It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and
shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you
know ain't so'.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
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I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
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Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
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Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all—the rest, to a man, are fools and eluded. One man knows there is a hell, the next one knows there isn’t; one man knows monarchy is best, the next one knows it isn’t; one man knows high tariff is right, the next man knows it isn’t; one man knows there are witches, the next one knows there aren’t; one sect knows its religion is the only true one, there are sixty-four thousand five hundred million sects that know it isn’t so.
From The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.
From On Religion
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson and Other Tales
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and
shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you
know ain't so'.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all—the rest, to a man, are fools and eluded. One man knows there is a hell, the next one knows there isn’t; one man knows monarchy is best, the next one knows it isn’t; one man knows high tariff is right, the next man knows it isn’t; one man knows there are witches, the next one knows there aren’t; one sect knows its religion is the only true one, there are sixty-four thousand five hundred million sects that know it isn’t so.
From The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.
From On Religion
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson and Other Tales
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and
shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you
know ain't so'.
From Pudd'nhead Wilson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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