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Rick Riordan

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 		...
Grover wore his fake feet and his pants to pass as human. He wore a green rasta-style cap, because when it rained his curly hair flattened and you could just see the tips of his horns. His bright orange backpack was full of scrap metal and apples to snack on. In his pocket was a set of reed pipes his daddy goat had carved for him, even though he only knew two songs: Mozart's Piano Concerto no. 12 and Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday," both of which sounded pretty bad on reed pipes.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Percy says be talked to a Nereid in Charleston Harbor!”
“Good for him!” Leo yelled back.
“The Nereid said we should seek help from Chiron’s brothers.”
“What does that mean? The Party Ponies?” Leo had never met Chiron’s crazy centaur relatives, but he’d heard rumors of Nerf sword-fights, root beer-chugging contests, and Super Soakers filled with pressurized whipped cream.
“Not sure,” Annabeth said. “But I’ve got coordinates. Can you input latitude and longitude in this thing?”
“I can input star charts and order you a smoothie, if you want. Of course I can do latitude and longitude!
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Doubtful, but it did work...
"Annabeth?" Percy said again. "You're planning something. You've got that I'm-planning-something look."
"I don't have an I'm-planning-something look."
"Yeah, you totally do. Your eyebrows knit and your lips press together and ---"
"Do you have a pen?" she asked him.
"You're kidding, right?" He brought out Riptide.
"Yes, but can you actually write with it?"
"I--I don't know," he admitted. "Never tried."
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
We were just looking at maps...
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"

He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write.

Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?

Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
The Council agrees," Zeus said. "Percy Jackson, you will have one gift from the gods."
I hesitated. "Any gift?"
Zeus nodded grimly. "I know what you will ask. The greatest gift of all. Yes, if you want it, it shall be yours. The gods have not bestowed this gift on a mortal hero in many centuries, but, Perseus Jackson-if you wish it-you shall be made a god. Immortal. Undying. You shall serve as your father's lieutenant for all time."
I stared at him, stunned. "Um...a god?"
Zeus rolled his eyes. "A dimwitted god, apparently. But yes. With the consensus of the entire Council, I can make you immortal. Then I will have to put up with you forever."
"Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I’ve met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited to
school for Career Day.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Wow. When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days--that was sad.
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I’m nobody’s sidekick,” Annabeth growled. “And, Percy, his accent sounds familiar because he sounds like his mother. We killed her in New Jersey.”
Percy frowned. “I’m pretty sure that accent isn’t New Jersey. Who’s his—? Oh.”
It all fell into place. Aunty Em’s Garden Gnome Emporium—the lair of Medusa. She’d talked with that same accent, at least until Percy had cut off her head.
“Medusa is your mom?” he asked. “Dude, that sucks for you.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
She wondered if it was her stupid mother, the goddess of love, messing with her thoughts. If Piper started getting urges to read fashion magazines, she was going to have to find Aphrodite and smack her.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Nosoi?” Percy planted his feet in a fighting stance. “You know, I keep thinking, I have now killed every single thing in Greek mythology. But the list never seems to end.”

“You haven’t killed me yet,” I noted.

“Don’t tempt me.
From The Hidden Oracle
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I stared at him (Dionysus). "You're...you're married? But I thought you got in trouble for chasing a wood nymph-
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Frank stared at her. "But you throw Ding Dongs at monsters."
Iris looked horrified. "Oh, they're not Ding Dongs."
She rummaged under the counter and brought out a package of chocolate covered cakes that looked exactly like Ding Dongs.
"These are gluten-free, no-sugar-added, vitamin-enriched, soy-free, goat-milk-and-seaweed-based cupcake simulations."
"All natural!" Fleecy chimed in.
"I stand corrected." Frank suddenly felt as queasy as Percy.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
[Iris] squeezed his hand. "Don't lose hope, Frank. Rainbows always stand for hope.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Hope
You will suffer, son of Hades!’
What else is new? Nico thought.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Life
Don't dwell on things. Don't stay in one place too long. It was the only way to stay ahead of sadness.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Life
Victory must be real. It must be earned. That means it must be rare and difficult, against steep odds, and defeat must be the other.
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Death
If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Inspirational, Life
If we can’t repair things with the Romans—well, the two sets of demigods have never gotten along. That’s why the gods kept us separate. I don’t know if we could ever belong there.”
Percy didn’t want to argue, but he couldn’t let go of the hope. It felt important—not just for him, but for all the other demigods. It had to be possible to belong in two different worlds at once. After all, that’s what being a demigod was all about—not quite belonging in the mortal world or on Mount Olympus, but trying to make peace with both sides of their nature.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Relationships
[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?"
"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything."
"Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb."
"Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Grover wore his fake feet and his pants to pass as human. He wore a green rasta-style cap, because when it rained his curly hair flattened and you could just see the tips of his horns. His bright orange backpack was full of scrap metal and apples to snack on. In his pocket was a set of reed pipes his daddy goat had carved for him, even though he only knew two songs: Mozart's Piano Concerto no. 12 and Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday," both of which sounded pretty bad on reed pipes.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Percy says be talked to a Nereid in Charleston Harbor!”
“Good for him!” Leo yelled back.
“The Nereid said we should seek help from Chiron’s brothers.”
“What does that mean? The Party Ponies?” Leo had never met Chiron’s crazy centaur relatives, but he’d heard rumors of Nerf sword-fights, root beer-chugging contests, and Super Soakers filled with pressurized whipped cream.
“Not sure,” Annabeth said. “But I’ve got coordinates. Can you input latitude and longitude in this thing?”
“I can input star charts and order you a smoothie, if you want. Of course I can do latitude and longitude!
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Doubtful, but it did work...
"Annabeth?" Percy said again. "You're planning something. You've got that I'm-planning-something look."
"I don't have an I'm-planning-something look."
"Yeah, you totally do. Your eyebrows knit and your lips press together and ---"
"Do you have a pen?" she asked him.
"You're kidding, right?" He brought out Riptide.
"Yes, but can you actually write with it?"
"I--I don't know," he admitted. "Never tried."
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
We were just looking at maps...
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"

He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write.

Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?

Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
The Council agrees," Zeus said. "Percy Jackson, you will have one gift from the gods."
I hesitated. "Any gift?"
Zeus nodded grimly. "I know what you will ask. The greatest gift of all. Yes, if you want it, it shall be yours. The gods have not bestowed this gift on a mortal hero in many centuries, but, Perseus Jackson-if you wish it-you shall be made a god. Immortal. Undying. You shall serve as your father's lieutenant for all time."
I stared at him, stunned. "Um...a god?"
Zeus rolled his eyes. "A dimwitted god, apparently. But yes. With the consensus of the entire Council, I can make you immortal. Then I will have to put up with you forever."
"Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I’ve met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited to
school for Career Day.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Wow. When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days--that was sad.
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I’m nobody’s sidekick,” Annabeth growled. “And, Percy, his accent sounds familiar because he sounds like his mother. We killed her in New Jersey.”
Percy frowned. “I’m pretty sure that accent isn’t New Jersey. Who’s his—? Oh.”
It all fell into place. Aunty Em’s Garden Gnome Emporium—the lair of Medusa. She’d talked with that same accent, at least until Percy had cut off her head.
“Medusa is your mom?” he asked. “Dude, that sucks for you.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
She wondered if it was her stupid mother, the goddess of love, messing with her thoughts. If Piper started getting urges to read fashion magazines, she was going to have to find Aphrodite and smack her.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Nosoi?” Percy planted his feet in a fighting stance. “You know, I keep thinking, I have now killed every single thing in Greek mythology. But the list never seems to end.”

“You haven’t killed me yet,” I noted.

“Don’t tempt me.
From The Hidden Oracle
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I stared at him (Dionysus). "You're...you're married? But I thought you got in trouble for chasing a wood nymph-
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Frank stared at her. "But you throw Ding Dongs at monsters."
Iris looked horrified. "Oh, they're not Ding Dongs."
She rummaged under the counter and brought out a package of chocolate covered cakes that looked exactly like Ding Dongs.
"These are gluten-free, no-sugar-added, vitamin-enriched, soy-free, goat-milk-and-seaweed-based cupcake simulations."
"All natural!" Fleecy chimed in.
"I stand corrected." Frank suddenly felt as queasy as Percy.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
[Iris] squeezed his hand. "Don't lose hope, Frank. Rainbows always stand for hope.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Hope
You will suffer, son of Hades!’
What else is new? Nico thought.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Life
Don't dwell on things. Don't stay in one place too long. It was the only way to stay ahead of sadness.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Life
Victory must be real. It must be earned. That means it must be rare and difficult, against steep odds, and defeat must be the other.
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Death
If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Inspirational, Life
If we can’t repair things with the Romans—well, the two sets of demigods have never gotten along. That’s why the gods kept us separate. I don’t know if we could ever belong there.”
Percy didn’t want to argue, but he couldn’t let go of the hope. It felt important—not just for him, but for all the other demigods. It had to be possible to belong in two different worlds at once. After all, that’s what being a demigod was all about—not quite belonging in the mortal world or on Mount Olympus, but trying to make peace with both sides of their nature.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Relationships
[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?"
"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything."
"Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb."
"Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Grover wore his fake feet and his pants to pass as human. He wore a green rasta-style cap, because when it rained his curly hair flattened and you could just see the tips of his horns. His bright orange backpack was full of scrap metal and apples to snack on. In his pocket was a set of reed pipes his daddy goat had carved for him, even though he only knew two songs: Mozart's Piano Concerto no. 12 and Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday," both of which sounded pretty bad on reed pipes.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Percy says be talked to a Nereid in Charleston Harbor!”
“Good for him!” Leo yelled back.
“The Nereid said we should seek help from Chiron’s brothers.”
“What does that mean? The Party Ponies?” Leo had never met Chiron’s crazy centaur relatives, but he’d heard rumors of Nerf sword-fights, root beer-chugging contests, and Super Soakers filled with pressurized whipped cream.
“Not sure,” Annabeth said. “But I’ve got coordinates. Can you input latitude and longitude in this thing?”
“I can input star charts and order you a smoothie, if you want. Of course I can do latitude and longitude!
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Doubtful, but it did work...
"Annabeth?" Percy said again. "You're planning something. You've got that I'm-planning-something look."
"I don't have an I'm-planning-something look."
"Yeah, you totally do. Your eyebrows knit and your lips press together and ---"
"Do you have a pen?" she asked him.
"You're kidding, right?" He brought out Riptide.
"Yes, but can you actually write with it?"
"I--I don't know," he admitted. "Never tried."
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
We were just looking at maps...
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"

He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write.

Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?

Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
The Council agrees," Zeus said. "Percy Jackson, you will have one gift from the gods."
I hesitated. "Any gift?"
Zeus nodded grimly. "I know what you will ask. The greatest gift of all. Yes, if you want it, it shall be yours. The gods have not bestowed this gift on a mortal hero in many centuries, but, Perseus Jackson-if you wish it-you shall be made a god. Immortal. Undying. You shall serve as your father's lieutenant for all time."
I stared at him, stunned. "Um...a god?"
Zeus rolled his eyes. "A dimwitted god, apparently. But yes. With the consensus of the entire Council, I can make you immortal. Then I will have to put up with you forever."
"Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I’ve met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited to
school for Career Day.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Wow. When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days--that was sad.
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I’m nobody’s sidekick,” Annabeth growled. “And, Percy, his accent sounds familiar because he sounds like his mother. We killed her in New Jersey.”
Percy frowned. “I’m pretty sure that accent isn’t New Jersey. Who’s his—? Oh.”
It all fell into place. Aunty Em’s Garden Gnome Emporium—the lair of Medusa. She’d talked with that same accent, at least until Percy had cut off her head.
“Medusa is your mom?” he asked. “Dude, that sucks for you.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
She wondered if it was her stupid mother, the goddess of love, messing with her thoughts. If Piper started getting urges to read fashion magazines, she was going to have to find Aphrodite and smack her.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Nosoi?” Percy planted his feet in a fighting stance. “You know, I keep thinking, I have now killed every single thing in Greek mythology. But the list never seems to end.”

“You haven’t killed me yet,” I noted.

“Don’t tempt me.
From The Hidden Oracle
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I stared at him (Dionysus). "You're...you're married? But I thought you got in trouble for chasing a wood nymph-
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
Frank stared at her. "But you throw Ding Dongs at monsters."
Iris looked horrified. "Oh, they're not Ding Dongs."
She rummaged under the counter and brought out a package of chocolate covered cakes that looked exactly like Ding Dongs.
"These are gluten-free, no-sugar-added, vitamin-enriched, soy-free, goat-milk-and-seaweed-based cupcake simulations."
"All natural!" Fleecy chimed in.
"I stand corrected." Frank suddenly felt as queasy as Percy.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
[Iris] squeezed his hand. "Don't lose hope, Frank. Rainbows always stand for hope.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Hope
You will suffer, son of Hades!’
What else is new? Nico thought.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Life
Don't dwell on things. Don't stay in one place too long. It was the only way to stay ahead of sadness.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Life
Victory must be real. It must be earned. That means it must be rare and difficult, against steep odds, and defeat must be the other.
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Death
If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Inspirational, Life
If we can’t repair things with the Romans—well, the two sets of demigods have never gotten along. That’s why the gods kept us separate. I don’t know if we could ever belong there.”
Percy didn’t want to argue, but he couldn’t let go of the hope. It felt important—not just for him, but for all the other demigods. It had to be possible to belong in two different worlds at once. After all, that’s what being a demigod was all about—not quite belonging in the mortal world or on Mount Olympus, but trying to make peace with both sides of their nature.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Relationships
[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?"
"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything."
"Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb."
"Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING
▼
Topic: Funny
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