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Rick Riordan

Writer
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hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.
From The Demigod Diaries
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Oh, Hazel is awesome," Don Said. "She's so nice! All the other campers are like 'Go away Don.' But she's like 'Please go away, Don.' I love her!
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Nico didn’t like to be touched, but somehow this brief contact with his father felt reassuring – the same way the Chapel of Bones was reassuring. Like death, his father’s presence was cold and often callous, but it was real – brutally honest, inescapably dependable.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
But remember, boy, that a kind act can sometimes be as powerful as a sword.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Remake the world, a little at a time, each in your own corner of the world.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You sneaked into my cabin?”
Annabeth rolled her eyes. “Percy, you’ll be seventeen in two months. You can’t seriously be worried about getting in trouble with Coach Hedge.”
“Uh, have you seen his baseball bat?”
“Besides, Seaweed Brain, I just thought we could take a walk. We haven’t had any time to be together alone. I want to show you something—my favorite place aboard the ship.”
Percy’s pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn’t from fear of getting in trouble. “Can I, you know, brush my teeth first?”
“You'd better,” Annabeth said. “Because I’m not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you’re at it.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..."
"Repair boy."
"Very funny, Piper.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun."
"Fun" she said unhappily.
"Blue elephants."
"Blue elephants."
"Kiss me you fool."
"You fool.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Kronos would be 10 times more powerful. His very presence would incinerate you. And once he achieves this he will empower the other Titans. They are weak, compared to what they soon will become, unless you can stop them, the world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never achieve a perfect score on this stupid machine.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tyson pounding the Earthborn into the ground like a game of whack-a-mole. Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive."
SMASH!
"Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Down in the water, Octavian yelled, “Get me out of here! I’ll kill you!”
“Tempting,” Percy called down.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What are you talking about?" Narcissus demanded. "I am amazing. Everyone knows this."
"Amazing at pure suck," Leo said. "If I was as suck as you, I'd drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're alive!" Percy said to the others. "The giants said you were captured. What happened?"

Leo shrugged. "Oh, just another brilliant plan by Leo Valdez. You'd be amazed what you can do with an Archimedes sphere, a girl who can sense stuff underground, and a weasel."

"I was the weasel," Frank said glumly.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war."
"The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Etiquette tip: If you're looking for the right time to leave a party, when the host yells, "No one leaves here alive," that's your cue.
From The Hammer of Thor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Don't die on me," she ordered. "You are not dying on me."
"Yes, ma'am." He felt light-headed, but she was about the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Her hair was smoldering. Her face was smudged with soot. She had a cut on her arm, her dress was torn, and she was missing a boot. Beautiful.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Then Thalia Grace became their leader and started recruiting even more young women to their cause, which grated on Nico – as if Bianca’s death could be forgotten. As if she could be replaced.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
You have to rise above the squabbling and chaos, and keep believing. You have to always keep your goals in mind.” -Hera, goddess of marriage
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."
...
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.
From The Demigod Diaries
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Oh, Hazel is awesome," Don Said. "She's so nice! All the other campers are like 'Go away Don.' But she's like 'Please go away, Don.' I love her!
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Nico didn’t like to be touched, but somehow this brief contact with his father felt reassuring – the same way the Chapel of Bones was reassuring. Like death, his father’s presence was cold and often callous, but it was real – brutally honest, inescapably dependable.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
But remember, boy, that a kind act can sometimes be as powerful as a sword.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Remake the world, a little at a time, each in your own corner of the world.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You sneaked into my cabin?”
Annabeth rolled her eyes. “Percy, you’ll be seventeen in two months. You can’t seriously be worried about getting in trouble with Coach Hedge.”
“Uh, have you seen his baseball bat?”
“Besides, Seaweed Brain, I just thought we could take a walk. We haven’t had any time to be together alone. I want to show you something—my favorite place aboard the ship.”
Percy’s pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn’t from fear of getting in trouble. “Can I, you know, brush my teeth first?”
“You'd better,” Annabeth said. “Because I’m not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you’re at it.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..."
"Repair boy."
"Very funny, Piper.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun."
"Fun" she said unhappily.
"Blue elephants."
"Blue elephants."
"Kiss me you fool."
"You fool.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Kronos would be 10 times more powerful. His very presence would incinerate you. And once he achieves this he will empower the other Titans. They are weak, compared to what they soon will become, unless you can stop them, the world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never achieve a perfect score on this stupid machine.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tyson pounding the Earthborn into the ground like a game of whack-a-mole. Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive."
SMASH!
"Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Down in the water, Octavian yelled, “Get me out of here! I’ll kill you!”
“Tempting,” Percy called down.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What are you talking about?" Narcissus demanded. "I am amazing. Everyone knows this."
"Amazing at pure suck," Leo said. "If I was as suck as you, I'd drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're alive!" Percy said to the others. "The giants said you were captured. What happened?"

Leo shrugged. "Oh, just another brilliant plan by Leo Valdez. You'd be amazed what you can do with an Archimedes sphere, a girl who can sense stuff underground, and a weasel."

"I was the weasel," Frank said glumly.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war."
"The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Etiquette tip: If you're looking for the right time to leave a party, when the host yells, "No one leaves here alive," that's your cue.
From The Hammer of Thor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Don't die on me," she ordered. "You are not dying on me."
"Yes, ma'am." He felt light-headed, but she was about the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Her hair was smoldering. Her face was smudged with soot. She had a cut on her arm, her dress was torn, and she was missing a boot. Beautiful.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Then Thalia Grace became their leader and started recruiting even more young women to their cause, which grated on Nico – as if Bianca’s death could be forgotten. As if she could be replaced.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
You have to rise above the squabbling and chaos, and keep believing. You have to always keep your goals in mind.” -Hera, goddess of marriage
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."
...
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.
From The Demigod Diaries
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Oh, Hazel is awesome," Don Said. "She's so nice! All the other campers are like 'Go away Don.' But she's like 'Please go away, Don.' I love her!
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Nico didn’t like to be touched, but somehow this brief contact with his father felt reassuring – the same way the Chapel of Bones was reassuring. Like death, his father’s presence was cold and often callous, but it was real – brutally honest, inescapably dependable.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
But remember, boy, that a kind act can sometimes be as powerful as a sword.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Remake the world, a little at a time, each in your own corner of the world.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.
From The Sea of Monsters
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You sneaked into my cabin?”
Annabeth rolled her eyes. “Percy, you’ll be seventeen in two months. You can’t seriously be worried about getting in trouble with Coach Hedge.”
“Uh, have you seen his baseball bat?”
“Besides, Seaweed Brain, I just thought we could take a walk. We haven’t had any time to be together alone. I want to show you something—my favorite place aboard the ship.”
Percy’s pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn’t from fear of getting in trouble. “Can I, you know, brush my teeth first?”
“You'd better,” Annabeth said. “Because I’m not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you’re at it.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..."
"Repair boy."
"Very funny, Piper.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun."
"Fun" she said unhappily.
"Blue elephants."
"Blue elephants."
"Kiss me you fool."
"You fool.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Kronos would be 10 times more powerful. His very presence would incinerate you. And once he achieves this he will empower the other Titans. They are weak, compared to what they soon will become, unless you can stop them, the world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never achieve a perfect score on this stupid machine.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tyson pounding the Earthborn into the ground like a game of whack-a-mole. Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive."
SMASH!
"Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin.
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Down in the water, Octavian yelled, “Get me out of here! I’ll kill you!”
“Tempting,” Percy called down.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
What are you talking about?" Narcissus demanded. "I am amazing. Everyone knows this."
"Amazing at pure suck," Leo said. "If I was as suck as you, I'd drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
You're alive!" Percy said to the others. "The giants said you were captured. What happened?"

Leo shrugged. "Oh, just another brilliant plan by Leo Valdez. You'd be amazed what you can do with an Archimedes sphere, a girl who can sense stuff underground, and a weasel."

"I was the weasel," Frank said glumly.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war."
"The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Etiquette tip: If you're looking for the right time to leave a party, when the host yells, "No one leaves here alive," that's your cue.
From The Hammer of Thor
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Don't die on me," she ordered. "You are not dying on me."
"Yes, ma'am." He felt light-headed, but she was about the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Her hair was smoldering. Her face was smudged with soot. She had a cut on her arm, her dress was torn, and she was missing a boot. Beautiful.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Hope
Then Thalia Grace became their leader and started recruiting even more young women to their cause, which grated on Nico – as if Bianca’s death could be forgotten. As if she could be replaced.
From The Blood of Olympus
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
You have to rise above the squabbling and chaos, and keep believing. You have to always keep your goals in mind.” -Hera, goddess of marriage
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Relationships
Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."
...
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
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