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Rick Riordan

Writer
...
3
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Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet."
"You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.
He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."
I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared.
"Oh, very funny!" I yelled.
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Then there were the shabti, magical figurines that were supposed to come to life when summoned. A few months ago, I’d fallen for a girl named Zia Rashid, who’d turned out to be a shabti. Falling in love for the first time had been hard enough. But when the girl you like turns out to be ceramic and cracks to pieces before your eyes—well, it gives “breaking your heart” a new meaning.
From The Throne of Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Just sit tight. Reinforcements should be here soon. Hopefully nothing happens before-"
Lightning crackled overhead. The wind picked up with a vengeance. Worksheets flew into the Grand Canyon, and the entire bridge shuddered. Kids screamed, stumbling and grabbing the rails.
"I had to say something," Hedge grumbled. He bellowed into his megaphone: "Everyone inside! The cow says moo! Off the skywalk!"
"I thought you said this thing was stable!" Jason shouted over the wind.
"Under normal circumstances," Hedge agreed, "which these aren't.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed.
"These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-"
"No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones."
"Awww.
From The Maze of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?
Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?
Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Jeez, Hazel," Percy said, "tell your horse to watch his language."
Hazel tried not to laugh. "What did he say?"
"With the cussing removed? He said he can get us to the top."
Frank looked incredulous. "I thought the horse couldn't fly!"
This time Arion whinnied so angrily, even Hazel could guess he was cursing.
"Dude," Percy told the horse, "I've gotten suspended for saying less than that...
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm the Super-sized McShizzle, man!" Leo said. "I'm Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Okay," I said. "Just a normal afternoon and two normal people."
She nodded. "And so...hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?"
"Oh..." I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows-slow, dumb, and bright red. "Um...
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Huh," Leo said. "Well, if you ever get off this island and want a job, let me know. You're not a total klutz."

She smirked. "A job, eh?" Making things in your forge?"

"Nah, we could start our own shop," Leo said, surprising himself. Starting a machine shop had always been one of his dreams, but he'd never told anyone about it. "Leo and Calypso's Garage: Auto Repair and Mechanical Monsters.
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Humor was a good way to hide the pain.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This did not seem to reassure Nico.

“I don’t like being in the dark,” he muttered.

An odd complaint for a child of Hades, but I understood what he meant.
From The Hidden Oracle
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
That's it, cupcake. You're going down.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Frank heard a laugh behind him. He glanced back and couldn't believe what he saw. Nico di Angelo was actually smiling.

"That's more like it," Nico said. "Let's turn this tide!
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
One false step, and you’ll fall all the way to Tartarus—and believe me, unlike the Doors of Death, this would be a one-way trip, a very hard fall! I will not have you dying before you tell me your plan for my artwork.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Go on with what your heart tells you, or you will lose all.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Fair means everyone gets what they need. And the only way to get what you need is to make it happen yourself.
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day.
From The Titan's Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..."
"Or we'll die?" I guessed.
"Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes."
"Let's avoid the swords," I decided.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"
Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?"
"Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!"
"My figurine."
"In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!"
"Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Akhlys lunged at Percy, and for a split second he thought: Well, hey, I’m just smoke. She can’t touch me, right?
He imagined the Fates up in Olympus, laughing at his wishful thinking: LOL, NOOB!
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet."
"You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.
He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."
I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared.
"Oh, very funny!" I yelled.
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Then there were the shabti, magical figurines that were supposed to come to life when summoned. A few months ago, I’d fallen for a girl named Zia Rashid, who’d turned out to be a shabti. Falling in love for the first time had been hard enough. But when the girl you like turns out to be ceramic and cracks to pieces before your eyes—well, it gives “breaking your heart” a new meaning.
From The Throne of Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Just sit tight. Reinforcements should be here soon. Hopefully nothing happens before-"
Lightning crackled overhead. The wind picked up with a vengeance. Worksheets flew into the Grand Canyon, and the entire bridge shuddered. Kids screamed, stumbling and grabbing the rails.
"I had to say something," Hedge grumbled. He bellowed into his megaphone: "Everyone inside! The cow says moo! Off the skywalk!"
"I thought you said this thing was stable!" Jason shouted over the wind.
"Under normal circumstances," Hedge agreed, "which these aren't.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed.
"These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-"
"No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones."
"Awww.
From The Maze of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?
Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?
Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Jeez, Hazel," Percy said, "tell your horse to watch his language."
Hazel tried not to laugh. "What did he say?"
"With the cussing removed? He said he can get us to the top."
Frank looked incredulous. "I thought the horse couldn't fly!"
This time Arion whinnied so angrily, even Hazel could guess he was cursing.
"Dude," Percy told the horse, "I've gotten suspended for saying less than that...
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm the Super-sized McShizzle, man!" Leo said. "I'm Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Okay," I said. "Just a normal afternoon and two normal people."
She nodded. "And so...hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?"
"Oh..." I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows-slow, dumb, and bright red. "Um...
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Huh," Leo said. "Well, if you ever get off this island and want a job, let me know. You're not a total klutz."

She smirked. "A job, eh?" Making things in your forge?"

"Nah, we could start our own shop," Leo said, surprising himself. Starting a machine shop had always been one of his dreams, but he'd never told anyone about it. "Leo and Calypso's Garage: Auto Repair and Mechanical Monsters.
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Humor was a good way to hide the pain.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This did not seem to reassure Nico.

“I don’t like being in the dark,” he muttered.

An odd complaint for a child of Hades, but I understood what he meant.
From The Hidden Oracle
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
That's it, cupcake. You're going down.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Frank heard a laugh behind him. He glanced back and couldn't believe what he saw. Nico di Angelo was actually smiling.

"That's more like it," Nico said. "Let's turn this tide!
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
One false step, and you’ll fall all the way to Tartarus—and believe me, unlike the Doors of Death, this would be a one-way trip, a very hard fall! I will not have you dying before you tell me your plan for my artwork.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Go on with what your heart tells you, or you will lose all.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Fair means everyone gets what they need. And the only way to get what you need is to make it happen yourself.
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day.
From The Titan's Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..."
"Or we'll die?" I guessed.
"Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes."
"Let's avoid the swords," I decided.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"
Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?"
"Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!"
"My figurine."
"In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!"
"Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Akhlys lunged at Percy, and for a split second he thought: Well, hey, I’m just smoke. She can’t touch me, right?
He imagined the Fates up in Olympus, laughing at his wishful thinking: LOL, NOOB!
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet."
"You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.
He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."
I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared.
"Oh, very funny!" I yelled.
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Then there were the shabti, magical figurines that were supposed to come to life when summoned. A few months ago, I’d fallen for a girl named Zia Rashid, who’d turned out to be a shabti. Falling in love for the first time had been hard enough. But when the girl you like turns out to be ceramic and cracks to pieces before your eyes—well, it gives “breaking your heart” a new meaning.
From The Throne of Fire
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Just sit tight. Reinforcements should be here soon. Hopefully nothing happens before-"
Lightning crackled overhead. The wind picked up with a vengeance. Worksheets flew into the Grand Canyon, and the entire bridge shuddered. Kids screamed, stumbling and grabbing the rails.
"I had to say something," Hedge grumbled. He bellowed into his megaphone: "Everyone inside! The cow says moo! Off the skywalk!"
"I thought you said this thing was stable!" Jason shouted over the wind.
"Under normal circumstances," Hedge agreed, "which these aren't.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed.
"These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-"
"No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones."
"Awww.
From The Maze of Bones
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?
Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?
Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.
From The Battle of the Labyrinth
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Jeez, Hazel," Percy said, "tell your horse to watch his language."
Hazel tried not to laugh. "What did he say?"
"With the cussing removed? He said he can get us to the top."
Frank looked incredulous. "I thought the horse couldn't fly!"
This time Arion whinnied so angrily, even Hazel could guess he was cursing.
"Dude," Percy told the horse, "I've gotten suspended for saying less than that...
From The Son of Neptune
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I'm the Super-sized McShizzle, man!" Leo said. "I'm Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Okay," I said. "Just a normal afternoon and two normal people."
She nodded. "And so...hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?"
"Oh..." I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows-slow, dumb, and bright red. "Um...
From The Last Olympian
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Huh," Leo said. "Well, if you ever get off this island and want a job, let me know. You're not a total klutz."

She smirked. "A job, eh?" Making things in your forge?"

"Nah, we could start our own shop," Leo said, surprising himself. Starting a machine shop had always been one of his dreams, but he'd never told anyone about it. "Leo and Calypso's Garage: Auto Repair and Mechanical Monsters.
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Humor was a good way to hide the pain.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This did not seem to reassure Nico.

“I don’t like being in the dark,” he muttered.

An odd complaint for a child of Hades, but I understood what he meant.
From The Hidden Oracle
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
That's it, cupcake. You're going down.
From The Lost Hero
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Frank heard a laugh behind him. He glanced back and couldn't believe what he saw. Nico di Angelo was actually smiling.

"That's more like it," Nico said. "Let's turn this tide!
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Happiness
One false step, and you’ll fall all the way to Tartarus—and believe me, unlike the Doors of Death, this would be a one-way trip, a very hard fall! I will not have you dying before you tell me your plan for my artwork.
From The Mark of Athena
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Go on with what your heart tells you, or you will lose all.
From The Lightning Thief
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
Fair means everyone gets what they need. And the only way to get what you need is to make it happen yourself.
From The Red Pyramid
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day.
From The Titan's Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..."
"Or we'll die?" I guessed.
"Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes."
"Let's avoid the swords," I decided.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"
Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?"
"Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!"
"My figurine."
"In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!"
"Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying.
From The Titan’s Curse
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Akhlys lunged at Percy, and for a split second he thought: Well, hey, I’m just smoke. She can’t touch me, right?
He imagined the Fates up in Olympus, laughing at his wishful thinking: LOL, NOOB!
From The House of Hades
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
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