TOPICS
SPEAKERS
HOME
BROWSE TOPICS
BROWSE SPEAKERS
◀ BACK

Stephen Colbert Quotes

Actor/Performer

Stephen Colbert blends sharp wit with thoughtful insight, using humor to reveal deeper truths about culture, politics, and human nature. His quotes are equal parts laugh-out-loud funny and surprisingly reflective. Together, they capture the unique voice of a comedian who challenges us to think while we’re being entertained.

If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
From I Am America
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote