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Terry Pratchett Quotes

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Sooner or later it'd get to you. Death was fascinated by humans, and study was never a one-way thing. A man might spend his life peering at the private life of elementary particles and then find he either knew who he was or where he was, but not both.
From Hogfather
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...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.
From Equal Rites
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The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football.
From Unseen Academicals
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Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
From Jingo
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Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
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What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.
From Going Postal
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People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular basis, "Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins.
From Going Postal
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The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different. For sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.
From Small Gods
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The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?
From Monstrous Regiment
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It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.
From Soul Music
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DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
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There was no safety. There was no pride. All there was, was money. Everything became money, and money became everything. Money treated us as if we were things, and we died.
From Going Postal
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YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE
From Night Watch
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The reaper does not listen to the harvest.
From Reaper Man
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This was not the time to say “I don’t know.” The brothers had begging, hungry looks, like dogs waiting to be fed. They wanted an answer. It would be nice if it was the right answer, but if it couldn’t be, then any answer would do, because then we would stop being worried...and then his mind caught alight.

That’s what the gods are! An answer that will do! Because there’s food to be caught and babies to be born and life to be lived and so there is no time for big, complicated, and worrying answers! Please give us a simple answer, so that we don’t have to think, because if we think, we might find answers that don’t fit the way we want the world to be.
From Nation
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At the Temple of the Seven-Handed Sek a hasty convocation of priests and ritual heart-transplant artisans agreed that the hundred-span-high statue of Sek was altogether too holy to be made into a magic picture, but a payment of two rhinu left them astoundedly agreeing that perhaps He wasn't as holy as all that.
A prolonged session at the Whore Pits produced a number of colourful and instrutive pictures, a number of which Rincewind concealed about his person for detailed perusal in private. As the fumes cleared from his brain he began to speculate seriously as to how the iconograph worked.
From The Color of Magic
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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
From Diggers
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God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
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The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
From Moving Pictures
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If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.
From Guards! Guards!
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Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them
From Hogfather
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I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'
If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?
From Night Watch
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In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?
From Night Watch
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It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
From The Last Continent
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Sooner or later it'd get to you. Death was fascinated by humans, and study was never a one-way thing. A man might spend his life peering at the private life of elementary particles and then find he either knew who he was or where he was, but not both.
From Hogfather
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.
From Equal Rites
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The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football.
From Unseen Academicals
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Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
From Jingo
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Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.
From Going Postal
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People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular basis, "Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins.
From Going Postal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different. For sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.
From Small Gods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?
From Monstrous Regiment
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It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.
From Soul Music
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DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There was no safety. There was no pride. All there was, was money. Everything became money, and money became everything. Money treated us as if we were things, and we died.
From Going Postal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE
From Night Watch
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The reaper does not listen to the harvest.
From Reaper Man
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This was not the time to say “I don’t know.” The brothers had begging, hungry looks, like dogs waiting to be fed. They wanted an answer. It would be nice if it was the right answer, but if it couldn’t be, then any answer would do, because then we would stop being worried...and then his mind caught alight.

That’s what the gods are! An answer that will do! Because there’s food to be caught and babies to be born and life to be lived and so there is no time for big, complicated, and worrying answers! Please give us a simple answer, so that we don’t have to think, because if we think, we might find answers that don’t fit the way we want the world to be.
From Nation
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
At the Temple of the Seven-Handed Sek a hasty convocation of priests and ritual heart-transplant artisans agreed that the hundred-span-high statue of Sek was altogether too holy to be made into a magic picture, but a payment of two rhinu left them astoundedly agreeing that perhaps He wasn't as holy as all that.
A prolonged session at the Whore Pits produced a number of colourful and instrutive pictures, a number of which Rincewind concealed about his person for detailed perusal in private. As the fumes cleared from his brain he began to speculate seriously as to how the iconograph worked.
From The Color of Magic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
From Diggers
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God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
From Moving Pictures
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If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.
From Guards! Guards!
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Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them
From Hogfather
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'
If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?
From Night Watch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?
From Night Watch
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It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
From The Last Continent
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sooner or later it'd get to you. Death was fascinated by humans, and study was never a one-way thing. A man might spend his life peering at the private life of elementary particles and then find he either knew who he was or where he was, but not both.
From Hogfather
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.
From Equal Rites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football.
From Unseen Academicals
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
From Jingo
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.
From Going Postal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular basis, "Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins.
From Going Postal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different. For sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.
From Small Gods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?
From Monstrous Regiment
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.
From Soul Music
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There was no safety. There was no pride. All there was, was money. Everything became money, and money became everything. Money treated us as if we were things, and we died.
From Going Postal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE
From Night Watch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The reaper does not listen to the harvest.
From Reaper Man
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This was not the time to say “I don’t know.” The brothers had begging, hungry looks, like dogs waiting to be fed. They wanted an answer. It would be nice if it was the right answer, but if it couldn’t be, then any answer would do, because then we would stop being worried...and then his mind caught alight.

That’s what the gods are! An answer that will do! Because there’s food to be caught and babies to be born and life to be lived and so there is no time for big, complicated, and worrying answers! Please give us a simple answer, so that we don’t have to think, because if we think, we might find answers that don’t fit the way we want the world to be.
From Nation
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
At the Temple of the Seven-Handed Sek a hasty convocation of priests and ritual heart-transplant artisans agreed that the hundred-span-high statue of Sek was altogether too holy to be made into a magic picture, but a payment of two rhinu left them astoundedly agreeing that perhaps He wasn't as holy as all that.
A prolonged session at the Whore Pits produced a number of colourful and instrutive pictures, a number of which Rincewind concealed about his person for detailed perusal in private. As the fumes cleared from his brain he began to speculate seriously as to how the iconograph worked.
From The Color of Magic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
From Diggers
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
From Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
From Moving Pictures
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.
From Guards! Guards!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them
From Hogfather
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'
If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?
From Night Watch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?
From Night Watch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
From The Last Continent
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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