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Terry Pratchett

Writer
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How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort.
IN PAIRS.
From Mort
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
The air smelled of a limited life expectancy.
From Men at Arms
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Progress just means bad things happen faster.
From Witches Abroad
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education, Funny, Life
At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what *we* are.
From I Shall Wear Midnight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people.
From Witches Abroad
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Creators aren't gods. They make places, which is quite hard. It's men that make gods. This explains a lot.
From The Last Continent
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
To be frank, I find religion rather offensive.
From The Last Continent
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
From Reaper Man
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
From Equal Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I commend my soul to any god that can find it.
From Going Postal
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.
From Monstrous Regiment
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
From Maskerade
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Religion
But is all this true?" said Brutha.
Didactylos shrugged. "Could be. Could be. We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork."
"You mean you don't KNOW it's true?" said Brutha.
"I THINK it might be," said Didactylos. "I could be wrong. Not being certain is what being a philosopher is all about.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
The universe danced towards life. Life was a remarkably common commodity. Anything sufficiently complicated seemed to get cut in for some, in the same way that anything massive enough got a generous helping of gravity. The universe had a definite tendency towards awareness. This suggested a certain subtle cruelty woven into the very fabric of space-time.
From Soul Music
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.
From Night Watch
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
From The Color of Magic
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there.
Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀʏ Oғ Mᴀɴᴛᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ? he said.
“No, sir,” said Mort.
Fᴀᴍᴏᴜs sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ.
“Was there?”
Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ, said Death, ɪғ I ᴄᴀɴ ғɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴍɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ.
From Mort
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
DEAFNESS DOESN'T PREVENT COMPOSERS HEARING THE MUSIC. IT PREVENTS THEM HEARING THE DISTRACTIONS.
From Soul Music
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?

The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said.

Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.
From The Truth: Stage Adaptation
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!
From The Color of Magic
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
What have I always believed?
That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort.
IN PAIRS.
From Mort
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
The air smelled of a limited life expectancy.
From Men at Arms
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Progress just means bad things happen faster.
From Witches Abroad
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education, Funny, Life
At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what *we* are.
From I Shall Wear Midnight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people.
From Witches Abroad
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Creators aren't gods. They make places, which is quite hard. It's men that make gods. This explains a lot.
From The Last Continent
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
To be frank, I find religion rather offensive.
From The Last Continent
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
From Reaper Man
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
From Equal Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I commend my soul to any god that can find it.
From Going Postal
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.
From Monstrous Regiment
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
From Maskerade
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Religion
But is all this true?" said Brutha.
Didactylos shrugged. "Could be. Could be. We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork."
"You mean you don't KNOW it's true?" said Brutha.
"I THINK it might be," said Didactylos. "I could be wrong. Not being certain is what being a philosopher is all about.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
The universe danced towards life. Life was a remarkably common commodity. Anything sufficiently complicated seemed to get cut in for some, in the same way that anything massive enough got a generous helping of gravity. The universe had a definite tendency towards awareness. This suggested a certain subtle cruelty woven into the very fabric of space-time.
From Soul Music
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.
From Night Watch
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
From The Color of Magic
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there.
Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀʏ Oғ Mᴀɴᴛᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ? he said.
“No, sir,” said Mort.
Fᴀᴍᴏᴜs sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ.
“Was there?”
Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ, said Death, ɪғ I ᴄᴀɴ ғɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴍɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ.
From Mort
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
DEAFNESS DOESN'T PREVENT COMPOSERS HEARING THE MUSIC. IT PREVENTS THEM HEARING THE DISTRACTIONS.
From Soul Music
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?

The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said.

Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.
From The Truth: Stage Adaptation
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!
From The Color of Magic
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
What have I always believed?
That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort.
IN PAIRS.
From Mort
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
The air smelled of a limited life expectancy.
From Men at Arms
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Progress just means bad things happen faster.
From Witches Abroad
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Education, Funny, Life
At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what *we* are.
From I Shall Wear Midnight
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Inspirational
The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people.
From Witches Abroad
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Creators aren't gods. They make places, which is quite hard. It's men that make gods. This explains a lot.
From The Last Continent
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
To be frank, I find religion rather offensive.
From The Last Continent
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
From Reaper Man
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
From Equal Rites
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it.
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
I commend my soul to any god that can find it.
From Going Postal
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.
From Monstrous Regiment
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
From Maskerade
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny
The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Funny, Religion
But is all this true?" said Brutha.
Didactylos shrugged. "Could be. Could be. We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork."
"You mean you don't KNOW it's true?" said Brutha.
"I THINK it might be," said Didactylos. "I could be wrong. Not being certain is what being a philosopher is all about.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
The universe danced towards life. Life was a remarkably common commodity. Anything sufficiently complicated seemed to get cut in for some, in the same way that anything massive enough got a generous helping of gravity. The universe had a definite tendency towards awareness. This suggested a certain subtle cruelty woven into the very fabric of space-time.
From Soul Music
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Philosophical
We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.
From Night Watch
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
From The Color of Magic
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there.
Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀʏ Oғ Mᴀɴᴛᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ? he said.
“No, sir,” said Mort.
Fᴀᴍᴏᴜs sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ.
“Was there?”
Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ, said Death, ɪғ I ᴄᴀɴ ғɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴍɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ.
From Mort
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death, Funny
DEAFNESS DOESN'T PREVENT COMPOSERS HEARING THE MUSIC. IT PREVENTS THEM HEARING THE DISTRACTIONS.
From Soul Music
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?

The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said.

Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.
From The Truth: Stage Adaptation
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Death
If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!
From The Color of Magic
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
What have I always believed?
That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.
From Small Gods
NOT YET RATING ▼
Topic: Religion
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