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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
- Robert Benchley
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Too much agreement kills a chat.
- Eldridge Cleaver
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If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke
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I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
- Howard Nemerov
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The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
- Joe E. Lewis
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
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Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?
- Ogden Nash
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Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
- James Lipton
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The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
- Jane Austen
Northanger Abbey
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It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
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Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?
- Terry Johnson
Insignificance
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Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
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This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.
- George V. Higgins
The Friends of Eddie Coyle
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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
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It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Anthony G. Oettinger
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Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
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The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
- Douglas Adams
The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
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Don't Panic.
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
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History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
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Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
- Robert Benchley
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Too much agreement kills a chat.
- Eldridge Cleaver
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
- Howard Nemerov
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
- Joe E. Lewis
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?
- Ogden Nash
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
- James Lipton
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
- Jane Austen
Northanger Abbey
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?
- Terry Johnson
Insignificance
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.
- George V. Higgins
The Friends of Eddie Coyle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
Avg Rating: 5.0 ★Rate This Quote
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Anthony G. Oettinger
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
- Douglas Adams
The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't Panic.
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
- Robert Benchley
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Too much agreement kills a chat.
- Eldridge Cleaver
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- P. J. O'Rourke
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
- Howard Nemerov
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
- Joe E. Lewis
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?
- Ogden Nash
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
- James Lipton
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
- Jane Austen
Northanger Abbey
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?
- Terry Johnson
Insignificance
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.
- George V. Higgins
The Friends of Eddie Coyle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
Avg Rating: 5.0 ★Rate This Quote
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Anthony G. Oettinger
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
- Douglas Adams
The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't Panic.
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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