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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.
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Oh Tigger, where are your manners?"

"I don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am.
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You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!
- Lauren Myracle
ttfn
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It's not like there's a law against flying."

"Yes there is. The law of gravity.
- Laini Taylor
Daughter of Smoke & Bone
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So this is it," said Arthur, "We are going to die."
"Yes," said Ford, "except... no! Wait a minute!" He suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision. "What's this switch?" he cried.
"What? Where?" cried Arthur, twisting round.
"No, I was only fooling," said Ford, "we are going to die after all.
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
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Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it.
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Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.
- Mary Ann Shaffer
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
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You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.
- Kami Garcia
Beautiful Creatures
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Lawful good to lawful evil!" said Simon, pleased.
"He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons," said Clary. "Ignore him.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
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As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
- Henry David Thoreau
Walden or, Life in the Woods
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Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowitz
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This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.
- Lemony Snicket
The Reptile Room
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Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
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When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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I can talk to fish!" Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. "Ask one over for dinner," Fang said, joining us.
- James Patterson
School's Out—Forever
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Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"

He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write.

Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?

Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
- Rick Riordan
The Son of Neptune
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Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
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Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
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Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.
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Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted.

Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly.

Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-"

No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat."

She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust.

I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
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Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.
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Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Oh Tigger, where are your manners?"

"I don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!
- Lauren Myracle
ttfn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's not like there's a law against flying."

"Yes there is. The law of gravity.
- Laini Taylor
Daughter of Smoke & Bone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So this is it," said Arthur, "We are going to die."
"Yes," said Ford, "except... no! Wait a minute!" He suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision. "What's this switch?" he cried.
"What? Where?" cried Arthur, twisting round.
"No, I was only fooling," said Ford, "we are going to die after all.
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.
- Mary Ann Shaffer
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.
- Kami Garcia
Beautiful Creatures
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Lawful good to lawful evil!" said Simon, pleased.
"He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons," said Clary. "Ignore him.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
- Henry David Thoreau
Walden or, Life in the Woods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowitz
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.
- Lemony Snicket
The Reptile Room
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can talk to fish!" Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. "Ask one over for dinner," Fang said, joining us.
- James Patterson
School's Out—Forever
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"

He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write.

Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?

Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
- Rick Riordan
The Son of Neptune
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted.

Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly.

Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-"

No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat."

She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust.

I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Oh Tigger, where are your manners?"

"I don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!
- Lauren Myracle
ttfn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's not like there's a law against flying."

"Yes there is. The law of gravity.
- Laini Taylor
Daughter of Smoke & Bone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So this is it," said Arthur, "We are going to die."
"Yes," said Ford, "except... no! Wait a minute!" He suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision. "What's this switch?" he cried.
"What? Where?" cried Arthur, twisting round.
"No, I was only fooling," said Ford, "we are going to die after all.
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.
- Mary Ann Shaffer
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.
- Kami Garcia
Beautiful Creatures
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Lawful good to lawful evil!" said Simon, pleased.
"He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons," said Clary. "Ignore him.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
- Henry David Thoreau
Walden or, Life in the Woods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowitz
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.
- Lemony Snicket
The Reptile Room
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can talk to fish!" Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. "Ask one over for dinner," Fang said, joining us.
- James Patterson
School's Out—Forever
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!"

He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write.

Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?

Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
- Rick Riordan
The Son of Neptune
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted.

Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly.

Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-"

No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat."

She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust.

I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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