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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
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It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?
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When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.
- Dr. Seuss
Fox in Socks
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People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.
- Steven Moffat
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Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.

Good things come to those who wait.
- Jess C. Scott
The Intern
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You know what would help?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.

"Hmm?"

"If you turned off this crap music and put on something that came out after the Berlin Wall went down."

Dimitri laughted. "Your worst class is history, yet somehow, you know everything about Eastern Europe."

"Hey, gotta have material for my jokes, Comrade." Still smiling, he turned the radio dail. To a country station.

"Hey! This isn't what I had in mind," I exclaimed. I could tell he was on the verge of laughing again.

"Pick. It's one or the other."

I sighed. "Go back to the 1980s stuff."

He flipped the dail, and I crossed my arms over my chest as some vaguely European-sounding band sang about how video had killed the radio star. I wished someone would kill this radio.
- Richelle Mead
Frostbite
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Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?"
"Guns?" asked Jesper.
"Ships?" queried Inej.
"Bombs?" suggested Wylan.
"Political bribes?" offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. "This is where you tell us how awful we are," she whispered.
- Leigh Bardugo
Crooked Kingdom
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You nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster!
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jace perched on the windowsill and looked down at him. "You really don't get this bodyguard thing, do you?"

"I didn't even think you liked me all that much," said Simon. "Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?"

"I thought it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house a night and throw up in his mailbox."

"I'm pretty sure that's not it
- Cassandra Clare
City of Fallen Angels
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Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"

"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Strikes
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I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
- David Sedaris
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.
- Jeaniene Frost
One Foot in the Grave
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.
- Rick Riordan
The Titan's Curse
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I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them.
- Aleister Crowley
Moonchild
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.
- Stephanie Perkins
Anna and the French Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Religion: A Dialogue and Other Essays
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I said hello to the poodle.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?" Minho asked, pulling Thomas's attention away from Alby.
"Go ahead," Newt replied.
Minho nodded and faced the crowd. "Be careful," he said dryly. "Don't die.
- James Dashner
The Maze Runner
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Cynics are simply thwarted romantics.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can only assume," said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Real men wear floral when trespassing
- Holly Jackson
A Good Girl's Guide to Murder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.
- Dr. Seuss
Fox in Socks
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.
- Steven Moffat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.

Good things come to those who wait.
- Jess C. Scott
The Intern
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know what would help?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.

"Hmm?"

"If you turned off this crap music and put on something that came out after the Berlin Wall went down."

Dimitri laughted. "Your worst class is history, yet somehow, you know everything about Eastern Europe."

"Hey, gotta have material for my jokes, Comrade." Still smiling, he turned the radio dail. To a country station.

"Hey! This isn't what I had in mind," I exclaimed. I could tell he was on the verge of laughing again.

"Pick. It's one or the other."

I sighed. "Go back to the 1980s stuff."

He flipped the dail, and I crossed my arms over my chest as some vaguely European-sounding band sang about how video had killed the radio star. I wished someone would kill this radio.
- Richelle Mead
Frostbite
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?"
"Guns?" asked Jesper.
"Ships?" queried Inej.
"Bombs?" suggested Wylan.
"Political bribes?" offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. "This is where you tell us how awful we are," she whispered.
- Leigh Bardugo
Crooked Kingdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster!
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jace perched on the windowsill and looked down at him. "You really don't get this bodyguard thing, do you?"

"I didn't even think you liked me all that much," said Simon. "Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?"

"I thought it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house a night and throw up in his mailbox."

"I'm pretty sure that's not it
- Cassandra Clare
City of Fallen Angels
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"

"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Strikes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
- David Sedaris
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.
- Jeaniene Frost
One Foot in the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.
- Rick Riordan
The Titan's Curse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them.
- Aleister Crowley
Moonchild
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.
- Stephanie Perkins
Anna and the French Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Religion: A Dialogue and Other Essays
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I said hello to the poodle.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?" Minho asked, pulling Thomas's attention away from Alby.
"Go ahead," Newt replied.
Minho nodded and faced the crowd. "Be careful," he said dryly. "Don't die.
- James Dashner
The Maze Runner
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Cynics are simply thwarted romantics.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can only assume," said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Real men wear floral when trespassing
- Holly Jackson
A Good Girl's Guide to Murder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.
- Dr. Seuss
Fox in Socks
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.
- Steven Moffat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.

Good things come to those who wait.
- Jess C. Scott
The Intern
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know what would help?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.

"Hmm?"

"If you turned off this crap music and put on something that came out after the Berlin Wall went down."

Dimitri laughted. "Your worst class is history, yet somehow, you know everything about Eastern Europe."

"Hey, gotta have material for my jokes, Comrade." Still smiling, he turned the radio dail. To a country station.

"Hey! This isn't what I had in mind," I exclaimed. I could tell he was on the verge of laughing again.

"Pick. It's one or the other."

I sighed. "Go back to the 1980s stuff."

He flipped the dail, and I crossed my arms over my chest as some vaguely European-sounding band sang about how video had killed the radio star. I wished someone would kill this radio.
- Richelle Mead
Frostbite
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?"
"Guns?" asked Jesper.
"Ships?" queried Inej.
"Bombs?" suggested Wylan.
"Political bribes?" offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. "This is where you tell us how awful we are," she whispered.
- Leigh Bardugo
Crooked Kingdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster!
- Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jace perched on the windowsill and looked down at him. "You really don't get this bodyguard thing, do you?"

"I didn't even think you liked me all that much," said Simon. "Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?"

"I thought it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house a night and throw up in his mailbox."

"I'm pretty sure that's not it
- Cassandra Clare
City of Fallen Angels
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"

"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Strikes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
- David Sedaris
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.
- Jeaniene Frost
One Foot in the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.
- Rick Riordan
The Titan's Curse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them.
- Aleister Crowley
Moonchild
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.
- Stephanie Perkins
Anna and the French Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Religion: A Dialogue and Other Essays
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I said hello to the poodle.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?" Minho asked, pulling Thomas's attention away from Alby.
"Go ahead," Newt replied.
Minho nodded and faced the crowd. "Be careful," he said dryly. "Don't die.
- James Dashner
The Maze Runner
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Cynics are simply thwarted romantics.
- William Goldman
The Princess Bride
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can only assume," said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Real men wear floral when trespassing
- Holly Jackson
A Good Girl's Guide to Murder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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99
100
101
102
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