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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Bravo," said Grimalkin, peering down from Cold Tom's chest. "The Winter prince and Oberon's jester agreeing on something. The world must be ending.
- Julie Kagawa
The Iron King
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A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Either/Or, Part I
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
- Douglas Adams
Life, the Universe and Everything
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.
- Oliver Goldsmith
She Stoops to Conquer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more."
"You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take more than nothing."
"Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice.
- Lewis Carroll
Alice in Wonderland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are never enough 'I love you's.
- Lenny Bruce
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up"
"There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly...."My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!"
"And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
- Dr. Seuss
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
- A.A. Milne
The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Dursleys, "that this boy—this boy!—knows nothin' abou'—about ANYTHING?"
Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad.
"I know some things," he said. "I can, you know, do math and stuff.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can only be in a bad mood for so long before you have to face up to the fact that it isn't a bad mood at all; it's just your sucky personality.
- Megan McCafferty
Sloppy Firsts
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
- Steve Martin
Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
- Robert Benchley
My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
- Seán O'Casey
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Why is it that all cars are women?" he asked.
"Because they're fussy and demanding," answered Zee.
"Because if they were men, they'd sit around and complain instead of getting the job done," I told him.
- Patricia Briggs
Silver Borne
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
- Terry Pratchett
Wyrd Sisters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.
And it always feels good.
- Lora Brody
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Best of Wodehouse: An Anthology
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The road to creativity passes so close to the madhouse and often detours or ends there.
- Ernest Becker
The Denial of Death
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."
Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Bravo," said Grimalkin, peering down from Cold Tom's chest. "The Winter prince and Oberon's jester agreeing on something. The world must be ending.
- Julie Kagawa
The Iron King
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Either/Or, Part I
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
- Douglas Adams
Life, the Universe and Everything
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.
- Oliver Goldsmith
She Stoops to Conquer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more."
"You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take more than nothing."
"Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice.
- Lewis Carroll
Alice in Wonderland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are never enough 'I love you's.
- Lenny Bruce
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up"
"There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly...."My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!"
"And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
- Dr. Seuss
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
- A.A. Milne
The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Dursleys, "that this boy—this boy!—knows nothin' abou'—about ANYTHING?"
Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad.
"I know some things," he said. "I can, you know, do math and stuff.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can only be in a bad mood for so long before you have to face up to the fact that it isn't a bad mood at all; it's just your sucky personality.
- Megan McCafferty
Sloppy Firsts
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
- Steve Martin
Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
- Robert Benchley
My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
- Seán O'Casey
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Why is it that all cars are women?" he asked.
"Because they're fussy and demanding," answered Zee.
"Because if they were men, they'd sit around and complain instead of getting the job done," I told him.
- Patricia Briggs
Silver Borne
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
- Terry Pratchett
Wyrd Sisters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.
And it always feels good.
- Lora Brody
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Best of Wodehouse: An Anthology
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The road to creativity passes so close to the madhouse and often detours or ends there.
- Ernest Becker
The Denial of Death
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."
Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Bravo," said Grimalkin, peering down from Cold Tom's chest. "The Winter prince and Oberon's jester agreeing on something. The world must be ending.
- Julie Kagawa
The Iron King
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Either/Or, Part I
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
- Douglas Adams
Life, the Universe and Everything
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.
- Oliver Goldsmith
She Stoops to Conquer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more."
"You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter: "it's very easy to take more than nothing."
"Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice.
- Lewis Carroll
Alice in Wonderland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There are never enough 'I love you's.
- Lenny Bruce
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up"
"There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly...."My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!"
"And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
- Dr. Seuss
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
- A.A. Milne
The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Dursleys, "that this boy—this boy!—knows nothin' abou'—about ANYTHING?"
Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad.
"I know some things," he said. "I can, you know, do math and stuff.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can only be in a bad mood for so long before you have to face up to the fact that it isn't a bad mood at all; it's just your sucky personality.
- Megan McCafferty
Sloppy Firsts
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
- Steve Martin
Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
- Robert Benchley
My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
- Seán O'Casey
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Why is it that all cars are women?" he asked.
"Because they're fussy and demanding," answered Zee.
"Because if they were men, they'd sit around and complain instead of getting the job done," I told him.
- Patricia Briggs
Silver Borne
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
- Terry Pratchett
Wyrd Sisters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.
And it always feels good.
- Lora Brody
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Best of Wodehouse: An Anthology
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The road to creativity passes so close to the madhouse and often detours or ends there.
- Ernest Becker
The Denial of Death
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."
Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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101
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103
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