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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred Allen
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We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
- Milton Berle
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Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
- Lewis Mumford
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This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
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There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
- Josh Billings
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I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.
- Roy Orbison
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If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Jack Benny
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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
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I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
- Bob Hope
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I never liked you, and I always will.
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After all is said and done, sit down.
- Bill Copeland
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Macho does not prove mucho.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley
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From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
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If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later.
- Sabrina Carpenter
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It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.
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There's not one Yiddish word that is not perfectly funny.
- Randy Rainbow
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Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
- Narcotics Anonymous
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Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.
- Rita Mae Brown
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All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.
- Stephen King
Storm of the Century
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Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
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Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred Allen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
- Milton Berle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
- Lewis Mumford
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
- Josh Billings
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.
- Roy Orbison
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Jack Benny
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
- Bob Hope
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I never liked you, and I always will.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
After all is said and done, sit down.
- Bill Copeland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Macho does not prove mucho.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later.
- Sabrina Carpenter
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's not one Yiddish word that is not perfectly funny.
- Randy Rainbow
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
- Narcotics Anonymous
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.
- Rita Mae Brown
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.
- Stephen King
Storm of the Century
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred Allen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
- Milton Berle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
- Lewis Mumford
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
- Josh Billings
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.
- Roy Orbison
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Jack Benny
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
- Bob Hope
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I never liked you, and I always will.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
After all is said and done, sit down.
- Bill Copeland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Macho does not prove mucho.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later.
- Sabrina Carpenter
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's not one Yiddish word that is not perfectly funny.
- Randy Rainbow
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
- Narcotics Anonymous
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
"Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.
- Rita Mae Brown
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.
- Stephen King
Storm of the Century
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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