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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me.
- Peter Cameron
Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You
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Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
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I have never read The Joy of Crap. Sounds disgusting. I have, however, read The Joy of Sex. Not in a while, but I think it's one of those classics you can come back to again... and again.
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
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The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
- James D. Nicoll
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Riza: Without his Alchemy he's just...
Jean: A little brat who swears a lot
Maes: An arrogant pipsqueak
Roy: Useless. Just useless
Alphonse: Sorry big brother, I don't know how to add to that...
Ed *starts to cry*: YOU'RE ALL PICKING ON ME!!!
- Hiromu Arakawa
Fullmetal Alchemist, Vol. 2
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Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not?
- Jeaniene Frost
Destined for an Early Grave
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Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
- Bill Waterson
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Stupidity is much the same all the world over. A stupid person's notions and feelings may confidently be inferred from those which prevail in the circle by which the person is surrounded. Not so with those whose opinions and feelings are an emanation from their own nature and faculties.
- John Stuart Mill
The Subjection of Women
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I can't forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen," I said. "I'm a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk.
- E. Lockhart
Real Live Boyfriends: Yes. Boyfriends, Plural. If My Life Weren't Complicated, I Wouldn't Be Ruby Oliver
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just sit tight. Reinforcements should be here soon. Hopefully nothing happens before-"
Lightning crackled overhead. The wind picked up with a vengeance. Worksheets flew into the Grand Canyon, and the entire bridge shuddered. Kids screamed, stumbling and grabbing the rails.
"I had to say something," Hedge grumbled. He bellowed into his megaphone: "Everyone inside! The cow says moo! Off the skywalk!"
"I thought you said this thing was stable!" Jason shouted over the wind.
"Under normal circumstances," Hedge agreed, "which these aren't.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
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She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed.
"These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-"
"No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones."
"Awww.
- Rick Riordan
The Maze of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Instant gratification takes too long.
- Carrie Fisher
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Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I'm the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!

Rukia: Wha--wha'd you say? A rescuer isn't supposed to ignore the rescuee!

Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why don't you go sit in a corner and tremble in fear and cry out "Save me! Save me!" like you're supposed to?!

Rukia: I do not need saving, and I do NOT tremble!
- Tite Kubo
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Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”

“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
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I don't believe in faeries!
- Jim Butcher
Summer Knight
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To Garan's credit, the treatment of Dellian prisoners did change after that. One particularly laconic man, after a session in which Fire learned positively nothing, thanked her for it specifically. "Best dungeons I ever been in," he said, chewing on a toothpick.
"Wonderful," Garan grumbled when he had gone. "We'll grow a reputation for our kindness to lawbreakers.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health.
- Edgar Allan Poe
Ne Pariez Jamais Votre
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either.
- Elizabeth Zimmerman
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
On Wednesday, when the sky is blue,
and I have nothing else to do,
I sometimes wonder if it's true
That who is what and what is who."
- Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.
- Bauvard
I Had a Dream About You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.
- The Kinks
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
- Ricky Gervais
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Anyone can learn to fight. Hardly anyone learns to think.
- Tamsyn Muir
Gideon the Ninth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me.
- Peter Cameron
Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have never read The Joy of Crap. Sounds disgusting. I have, however, read The Joy of Sex. Not in a while, but I think it's one of those classics you can come back to again... and again.
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
- James D. Nicoll
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Riza: Without his Alchemy he's just...
Jean: A little brat who swears a lot
Maes: An arrogant pipsqueak
Roy: Useless. Just useless
Alphonse: Sorry big brother, I don't know how to add to that...
Ed *starts to cry*: YOU'RE ALL PICKING ON ME!!!
- Hiromu Arakawa
Fullmetal Alchemist, Vol. 2
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not?
- Jeaniene Frost
Destined for an Early Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
- Bill Waterson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Stupidity is much the same all the world over. A stupid person's notions and feelings may confidently be inferred from those which prevail in the circle by which the person is surrounded. Not so with those whose opinions and feelings are an emanation from their own nature and faculties.
- John Stuart Mill
The Subjection of Women
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can't forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen," I said. "I'm a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk.
- E. Lockhart
Real Live Boyfriends: Yes. Boyfriends, Plural. If My Life Weren't Complicated, I Wouldn't Be Ruby Oliver
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just sit tight. Reinforcements should be here soon. Hopefully nothing happens before-"
Lightning crackled overhead. The wind picked up with a vengeance. Worksheets flew into the Grand Canyon, and the entire bridge shuddered. Kids screamed, stumbling and grabbing the rails.
"I had to say something," Hedge grumbled. He bellowed into his megaphone: "Everyone inside! The cow says moo! Off the skywalk!"
"I thought you said this thing was stable!" Jason shouted over the wind.
"Under normal circumstances," Hedge agreed, "which these aren't.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed.
"These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-"
"No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones."
"Awww.
- Rick Riordan
The Maze of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Instant gratification takes too long.
- Carrie Fisher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I'm the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!

Rukia: Wha--wha'd you say? A rescuer isn't supposed to ignore the rescuee!

Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why don't you go sit in a corner and tremble in fear and cry out "Save me! Save me!" like you're supposed to?!

Rukia: I do not need saving, and I do NOT tremble!
- Tite Kubo
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”

“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't believe in faeries!
- Jim Butcher
Summer Knight
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To Garan's credit, the treatment of Dellian prisoners did change after that. One particularly laconic man, after a session in which Fire learned positively nothing, thanked her for it specifically. "Best dungeons I ever been in," he said, chewing on a toothpick.
"Wonderful," Garan grumbled when he had gone. "We'll grow a reputation for our kindness to lawbreakers.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health.
- Edgar Allan Poe
Ne Pariez Jamais Votre
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either.
- Elizabeth Zimmerman
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
On Wednesday, when the sky is blue,
and I have nothing else to do,
I sometimes wonder if it's true
That who is what and what is who."
- Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.
- Bauvard
I Had a Dream About You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.
- The Kinks
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
- Ricky Gervais
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Anyone can learn to fight. Hardly anyone learns to think.
- Tamsyn Muir
Gideon the Ninth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me.
- Peter Cameron
Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have never read The Joy of Crap. Sounds disgusting. I have, however, read The Joy of Sex. Not in a while, but I think it's one of those classics you can come back to again... and again.
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
- James D. Nicoll
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Riza: Without his Alchemy he's just...
Jean: A little brat who swears a lot
Maes: An arrogant pipsqueak
Roy: Useless. Just useless
Alphonse: Sorry big brother, I don't know how to add to that...
Ed *starts to cry*: YOU'RE ALL PICKING ON ME!!!
- Hiromu Arakawa
Fullmetal Alchemist, Vol. 2
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not?
- Jeaniene Frost
Destined for an Early Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
- Bill Waterson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Stupidity is much the same all the world over. A stupid person's notions and feelings may confidently be inferred from those which prevail in the circle by which the person is surrounded. Not so with those whose opinions and feelings are an emanation from their own nature and faculties.
- John Stuart Mill
The Subjection of Women
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can't forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen," I said. "I'm a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk.
- E. Lockhart
Real Live Boyfriends: Yes. Boyfriends, Plural. If My Life Weren't Complicated, I Wouldn't Be Ruby Oliver
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just sit tight. Reinforcements should be here soon. Hopefully nothing happens before-"
Lightning crackled overhead. The wind picked up with a vengeance. Worksheets flew into the Grand Canyon, and the entire bridge shuddered. Kids screamed, stumbling and grabbing the rails.
"I had to say something," Hedge grumbled. He bellowed into his megaphone: "Everyone inside! The cow says moo! Off the skywalk!"
"I thought you said this thing was stable!" Jason shouted over the wind.
"Under normal circumstances," Hedge agreed, "which these aren't.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed.
"These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-"
"No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones."
"Awww.
- Rick Riordan
The Maze of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Instant gratification takes too long.
- Carrie Fisher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I'm the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!

Rukia: Wha--wha'd you say? A rescuer isn't supposed to ignore the rescuee!

Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why don't you go sit in a corner and tremble in fear and cry out "Save me! Save me!" like you're supposed to?!

Rukia: I do not need saving, and I do NOT tremble!
- Tite Kubo
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”

“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't believe in faeries!
- Jim Butcher
Summer Knight
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To Garan's credit, the treatment of Dellian prisoners did change after that. One particularly laconic man, after a session in which Fire learned positively nothing, thanked her for it specifically. "Best dungeons I ever been in," he said, chewing on a toothpick.
"Wonderful," Garan grumbled when he had gone. "We'll grow a reputation for our kindness to lawbreakers.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health.
- Edgar Allan Poe
Ne Pariez Jamais Votre
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either.
- Elizabeth Zimmerman
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
On Wednesday, when the sky is blue,
and I have nothing else to do,
I sometimes wonder if it's true
That who is what and what is who."
- Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.
- Bauvard
I Had a Dream About You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.
- The Kinks
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
- Ricky Gervais
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Anyone can learn to fight. Hardly anyone learns to think.
- Tamsyn Muir
Gideon the Ninth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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