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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.
- Anne Lamott
Bird by Bird
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Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.
- Augusten Burroughs
Possible Side Effects
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When I was poor and complained about inequality they said I was bitter; now that I'm rich and I complain about inequality they say I'm a hypocrite. I'm beginning to think they just don't want to talk about inequality.
- Russell Brand
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Who cares even if I didn't?!" Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!"
The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise.
- Patrick Ness
A Monster Calls
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I do not know if all cops are poets, but I know that all cops carry guns with triggers.
- Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man
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Annoyed?” said Sophie. “Why should I be annoyed? Someone only filled the castle with rotten aspic, and deafened everyone in Porthaven, and scared Calcifer to a cinder, and broke a few hundred hearts. Why should that annoy me?
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
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What will you do now?'

I think I will become a monk and devote my entire life to prayer and good works.'

No,' said Rek. 'I mean, what will you do today?'

Ah! Today I'll get drunk and go whoring,' said Bowman.
- David Gemmell
Legend
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was a trap after all,” Alric said. He turned to Royce. “My apologies for doubting your sound paranoia.
- Michael J. Sullivan
Theft of Swords
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Well," Lucien said, his remaining russet eye fixed on me, "you don't look half as bad now. A relief, I suppose, since you're to live with us. Though the tunic isn't as pretty as a dress."
Wolves ready to pounce - that's what they were, just like their friend. I was all to aware of my diction, of the very breath I took as I said, "I'd prefer not to wear that dress"
"And why not?" Lucien crooned.
It was Tamlin who answered for me. "Because killing us is easier in pants."
- Sarah J. Maas
A Court of Thorns and Roses
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'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?
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You can run from the grave, but you can't hide.
- Jeaniene Frost
One Foot in the Grave
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All I really wanted to do was cuddle back under the blankets, maybe with a certain stuffed toy penguin I knew. Yeah, hiding sounded good.
- Laurell K. Hamilton
Circus of the Damned
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We were like deaf people trying to dance to a beat we couldn't hear, long after the music actually stopped.
- Brandon Sanderson
Steelheart
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I hope they're in town. I want to face them!” Regin stood and brandished one of the two swords that she usually wore in sheaths crisscrossed on her back in addition to the dagger sheath she customarily wore on her forearm. "I'll lunch on their balls!"

That was Regin’s new threat: to lunch on enemies' balls. "Reege, when you threaten males with that, I don't think it has the result you intend. They think less Lunchables, more tea bag.
- Kresley Cole
Pleasure of a Dark Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You are putting yourself in serious danger...'

I think that I preferred to put myself in serious danger rather than confront my shame. My shame at not having become someone, the shame of not having made my parents proud after all the sacrifices they had made for me. The shame of having become a mediocre nihilist.
- Marjane Satrapi
Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return
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You know, I can see more than just the future or the past."
"Really?" I asked, paging through through the papers in the file. "Can you also see the present? Because I can do that, too. Like, right now, I sense that I'm in a messy room with a total toolbox.
- Rachel Hawkins
Spell Bound
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Women are sneaky.
- Patricia Briggs
The Hob's Bargain
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You’re not as sexy as I think you are.” She squinted. Wait. That hadn’t come out right.
- Thea Harrison
Storm's Heart
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Most of the upper management of I.S. were undead. I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn't have a soul.
- Kim Harrison
Dead Witch Walking
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Don't be stupid, it's a flying house!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who knew? I had no idea that someone could be such a thorn in your foot during a death march and still be irresistibly attractive in some magical, undeniable way."
"So is this what people call sweet nothings? Because somehow, I expected it to be a little more...complementary.
- Susan Ee
End of Days
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is tragedy plus time.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Maybe we should go on lots of double dates,” Cath said, “and then we can get married on the same day in a double ceremony, in matching dresses, and the four of us will light the unity candle all at the same time.”
“Pfft,” Levi said, “I’m picking out my own dress.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This was supposed to be yesterday. I was sitting on the Cardiff/London train, supposedly about to write this very column, and realising something quite terrible. My head was entirely empty. A vast echoing void. Bigger on the inside, but with nothing in it. You could drop a pebble in my brain and wait for an hour to hear it land. No actually, you couldn't - that would be aggressive and unhelpful, so keep your damn pebbles to yourself.
- Steven Moffat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.
- Anne Lamott
Bird by Bird
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.
- Augusten Burroughs
Possible Side Effects
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I was poor and complained about inequality they said I was bitter; now that I'm rich and I complain about inequality they say I'm a hypocrite. I'm beginning to think they just don't want to talk about inequality.
- Russell Brand
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who cares even if I didn't?!" Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!"
The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise.
- Patrick Ness
A Monster Calls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I do not know if all cops are poets, but I know that all cops carry guns with triggers.
- Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Annoyed?” said Sophie. “Why should I be annoyed? Someone only filled the castle with rotten aspic, and deafened everyone in Porthaven, and scared Calcifer to a cinder, and broke a few hundred hearts. Why should that annoy me?
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What will you do now?'

I think I will become a monk and devote my entire life to prayer and good works.'

No,' said Rek. 'I mean, what will you do today?'

Ah! Today I'll get drunk and go whoring,' said Bowman.
- David Gemmell
Legend
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was a trap after all,” Alric said. He turned to Royce. “My apologies for doubting your sound paranoia.
- Michael J. Sullivan
Theft of Swords
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Well," Lucien said, his remaining russet eye fixed on me, "you don't look half as bad now. A relief, I suppose, since you're to live with us. Though the tunic isn't as pretty as a dress."
Wolves ready to pounce - that's what they were, just like their friend. I was all to aware of my diction, of the very breath I took as I said, "I'd prefer not to wear that dress"
"And why not?" Lucien crooned.
It was Tamlin who answered for me. "Because killing us is easier in pants."
- Sarah J. Maas
A Court of Thorns and Roses
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can run from the grave, but you can't hide.
- Jeaniene Frost
One Foot in the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All I really wanted to do was cuddle back under the blankets, maybe with a certain stuffed toy penguin I knew. Yeah, hiding sounded good.
- Laurell K. Hamilton
Circus of the Damned
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We were like deaf people trying to dance to a beat we couldn't hear, long after the music actually stopped.
- Brandon Sanderson
Steelheart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I hope they're in town. I want to face them!” Regin stood and brandished one of the two swords that she usually wore in sheaths crisscrossed on her back in addition to the dagger sheath she customarily wore on her forearm. "I'll lunch on their balls!"

That was Regin’s new threat: to lunch on enemies' balls. "Reege, when you threaten males with that, I don't think it has the result you intend. They think less Lunchables, more tea bag.
- Kresley Cole
Pleasure of a Dark Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You are putting yourself in serious danger...'

I think that I preferred to put myself in serious danger rather than confront my shame. My shame at not having become someone, the shame of not having made my parents proud after all the sacrifices they had made for me. The shame of having become a mediocre nihilist.
- Marjane Satrapi
Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know, I can see more than just the future or the past."
"Really?" I asked, paging through through the papers in the file. "Can you also see the present? Because I can do that, too. Like, right now, I sense that I'm in a messy room with a total toolbox.
- Rachel Hawkins
Spell Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women are sneaky.
- Patricia Briggs
The Hob's Bargain
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You’re not as sexy as I think you are.” She squinted. Wait. That hadn’t come out right.
- Thea Harrison
Storm's Heart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Most of the upper management of I.S. were undead. I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn't have a soul.
- Kim Harrison
Dead Witch Walking
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't be stupid, it's a flying house!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who knew? I had no idea that someone could be such a thorn in your foot during a death march and still be irresistibly attractive in some magical, undeniable way."
"So is this what people call sweet nothings? Because somehow, I expected it to be a little more...complementary.
- Susan Ee
End of Days
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is tragedy plus time.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Maybe we should go on lots of double dates,” Cath said, “and then we can get married on the same day in a double ceremony, in matching dresses, and the four of us will light the unity candle all at the same time.”
“Pfft,” Levi said, “I’m picking out my own dress.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This was supposed to be yesterday. I was sitting on the Cardiff/London train, supposedly about to write this very column, and realising something quite terrible. My head was entirely empty. A vast echoing void. Bigger on the inside, but with nothing in it. You could drop a pebble in my brain and wait for an hour to hear it land. No actually, you couldn't - that would be aggressive and unhelpful, so keep your damn pebbles to yourself.
- Steven Moffat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.
- Anne Lamott
Bird by Bird
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.
- Augusten Burroughs
Possible Side Effects
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I was poor and complained about inequality they said I was bitter; now that I'm rich and I complain about inequality they say I'm a hypocrite. I'm beginning to think they just don't want to talk about inequality.
- Russell Brand
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who cares even if I didn't?!" Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!"
The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise.
- Patrick Ness
A Monster Calls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I do not know if all cops are poets, but I know that all cops carry guns with triggers.
- Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Annoyed?” said Sophie. “Why should I be annoyed? Someone only filled the castle with rotten aspic, and deafened everyone in Porthaven, and scared Calcifer to a cinder, and broke a few hundred hearts. Why should that annoy me?
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What will you do now?'

I think I will become a monk and devote my entire life to prayer and good works.'

No,' said Rek. 'I mean, what will you do today?'

Ah! Today I'll get drunk and go whoring,' said Bowman.
- David Gemmell
Legend
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was a trap after all,” Alric said. He turned to Royce. “My apologies for doubting your sound paranoia.
- Michael J. Sullivan
Theft of Swords
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Well," Lucien said, his remaining russet eye fixed on me, "you don't look half as bad now. A relief, I suppose, since you're to live with us. Though the tunic isn't as pretty as a dress."
Wolves ready to pounce - that's what they were, just like their friend. I was all to aware of my diction, of the very breath I took as I said, "I'd prefer not to wear that dress"
"And why not?" Lucien crooned.
It was Tamlin who answered for me. "Because killing us is easier in pants."
- Sarah J. Maas
A Court of Thorns and Roses
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can run from the grave, but you can't hide.
- Jeaniene Frost
One Foot in the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All I really wanted to do was cuddle back under the blankets, maybe with a certain stuffed toy penguin I knew. Yeah, hiding sounded good.
- Laurell K. Hamilton
Circus of the Damned
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We were like deaf people trying to dance to a beat we couldn't hear, long after the music actually stopped.
- Brandon Sanderson
Steelheart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I hope they're in town. I want to face them!” Regin stood and brandished one of the two swords that she usually wore in sheaths crisscrossed on her back in addition to the dagger sheath she customarily wore on her forearm. "I'll lunch on their balls!"

That was Regin’s new threat: to lunch on enemies' balls. "Reege, when you threaten males with that, I don't think it has the result you intend. They think less Lunchables, more tea bag.
- Kresley Cole
Pleasure of a Dark Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You are putting yourself in serious danger...'

I think that I preferred to put myself in serious danger rather than confront my shame. My shame at not having become someone, the shame of not having made my parents proud after all the sacrifices they had made for me. The shame of having become a mediocre nihilist.
- Marjane Satrapi
Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know, I can see more than just the future or the past."
"Really?" I asked, paging through through the papers in the file. "Can you also see the present? Because I can do that, too. Like, right now, I sense that I'm in a messy room with a total toolbox.
- Rachel Hawkins
Spell Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women are sneaky.
- Patricia Briggs
The Hob's Bargain
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You’re not as sexy as I think you are.” She squinted. Wait. That hadn’t come out right.
- Thea Harrison
Storm's Heart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Most of the upper management of I.S. were undead. I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn't have a soul.
- Kim Harrison
Dead Witch Walking
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't be stupid, it's a flying house!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who knew? I had no idea that someone could be such a thorn in your foot during a death march and still be irresistibly attractive in some magical, undeniable way."
"So is this what people call sweet nothings? Because somehow, I expected it to be a little more...complementary.
- Susan Ee
End of Days
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is tragedy plus time.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Maybe we should go on lots of double dates,” Cath said, “and then we can get married on the same day in a double ceremony, in matching dresses, and the four of us will light the unity candle all at the same time.”
“Pfft,” Levi said, “I’m picking out my own dress.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This was supposed to be yesterday. I was sitting on the Cardiff/London train, supposedly about to write this very column, and realising something quite terrible. My head was entirely empty. A vast echoing void. Bigger on the inside, but with nothing in it. You could drop a pebble in my brain and wait for an hour to hear it land. No actually, you couldn't - that would be aggressive and unhelpful, so keep your damn pebbles to yourself.
- Steven Moffat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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