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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?" asked Jace.
"It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."
"As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome," said Simon.
"I knew we should have left you a rat.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
- Isaac Asimov
Foundation
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.
- Rick Riordan
The Titan’s Curse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have something I need to tell you," he says. I run my fingers along the tendons in his hands and look back at him. "I might be in love with you." He smiles a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."
"That's sensible of you," I say, smiling too. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."
I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing my ear.
"Maybe I'm already sure," he says, "and I just don't want to frighten you."
I laugh a little. "Then you should know better."
"Fine," he says. "Then I love you.
- Veronica Roth
Divergent
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.
- Terry Pratchett
Lords and Ladies
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
- Lemony Snicket
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not going to wear a red dress," she said.
"It would look stunning, My Lady," she called.
She spoke to the bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. "If there's anyone I wish to stun at dinner, I'll hit him in the face.
- Kristin Cashore
Graceling
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.
- Tamora Pierce
Melting Stones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?"
"You could say that."
"Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
"I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
- Dr. Seuss
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
- Lemony Snicket
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's not gray," Clary felt compelled to point out. "It's green."
"If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood," said Jace.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.
- Nikolai V. Gogol
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!
- Dr. Seuss
Horton Hatches the Egg
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jace shook his blond head in exasperation.
"You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Alec looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?"
Isabelle shrugged philosophically. "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's up?" I asked.

You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."

It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."

What the hell kind of therapy are you in?
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?" asked Jace.
"It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."
"As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome," said Simon.
"I knew we should have left you a rat.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
- Isaac Asimov
Foundation
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.
- Rick Riordan
The Titan’s Curse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have something I need to tell you," he says. I run my fingers along the tendons in his hands and look back at him. "I might be in love with you." He smiles a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."
"That's sensible of you," I say, smiling too. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."
I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing my ear.
"Maybe I'm already sure," he says, "and I just don't want to frighten you."
I laugh a little. "Then you should know better."
"Fine," he says. "Then I love you.
- Veronica Roth
Divergent
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.
- Terry Pratchett
Lords and Ladies
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
- Lemony Snicket
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not going to wear a red dress," she said.
"It would look stunning, My Lady," she called.
She spoke to the bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. "If there's anyone I wish to stun at dinner, I'll hit him in the face.
- Kristin Cashore
Graceling
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.
- Tamora Pierce
Melting Stones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?"
"You could say that."
"Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
"I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
- Dr. Seuss
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
- Lemony Snicket
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's not gray," Clary felt compelled to point out. "It's green."
"If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood," said Jace.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.
- Nikolai V. Gogol
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!
- Dr. Seuss
Horton Hatches the Egg
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jace shook his blond head in exasperation.
"You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Alec looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?"
Isabelle shrugged philosophically. "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's up?" I asked.

You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."

It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."

What the hell kind of therapy are you in?
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?" asked Jace.
"It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."
"As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome," said Simon.
"I knew we should have left you a rat.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
- Isaac Asimov
Foundation
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.
- Rick Riordan
The Titan’s Curse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have something I need to tell you," he says. I run my fingers along the tendons in his hands and look back at him. "I might be in love with you." He smiles a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."
"That's sensible of you," I say, smiling too. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."
I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing my ear.
"Maybe I'm already sure," he says, "and I just don't want to frighten you."
I laugh a little. "Then you should know better."
"Fine," he says. "Then I love you.
- Veronica Roth
Divergent
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.
- Terry Pratchett
Lords and Ladies
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
- Lemony Snicket
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not going to wear a red dress," she said.
"It would look stunning, My Lady," she called.
She spoke to the bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. "If there's anyone I wish to stun at dinner, I'll hit him in the face.
- Kristin Cashore
Graceling
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.
- Tamora Pierce
Melting Stones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?"
"You could say that."
"Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
"I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
- Dr. Seuss
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
- Lemony Snicket
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's not gray," Clary felt compelled to point out. "It's green."
"If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood," said Jace.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.
- Nikolai V. Gogol
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!
- Dr. Seuss
Horton Hatches the Egg
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jace shook his blond head in exasperation.
"You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Alec looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?"
Isabelle shrugged philosophically. "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's up?" I asked.

You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."

It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."

What the hell kind of therapy are you in?
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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112
113
114
115
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