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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.
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NOT YET RATED▼
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
- Paul Lynde
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
- Laurence J. Peter
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
- Dylan Moran
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
- Milton Berle
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
- Lewis Black
Topic: Funny
5.0★▼
I saw a stationery store move.
- Jay London
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
- Robert Benchley
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
- Eddie Izzard
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.
- Stephen Leacock
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Communism is like one big phone company.
- Lenny Bruce
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
So many books, so little time.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
- Terry Pratchett
Thief of Time
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
- Paul Lynde
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
- Laurence J. Peter
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
- Dylan Moran
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
- Milton Berle
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
- Lewis Black
Topic: Funny
5.0★▼
I saw a stationery store move.
- Jay London
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
- Robert Benchley
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
- Eddie Izzard
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.
- Stephen Leacock
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Communism is like one big phone company.
- Lenny Bruce
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
So many books, so little time.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
- Terry Pratchett
Thief of Time
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
- Paul Lynde
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
- Laurence J. Peter
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
- Dylan Moran
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
- Milton Berle
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
- Lewis Black
Topic: Funny
5.0★▼
I saw a stationery store move.
- Jay London
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
- Robert Benchley
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
- Eddie Izzard
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.
- Stephen Leacock
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Communism is like one big phone company.
- Lenny Bruce
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
So many books, so little time.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.
Topic: Funny
NOT YET RATED▼
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
- Terry Pratchett
Thief of Time
Topic: Funny
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