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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
- Henry Ward Beecherr
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
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I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.
- Edgar Allan Poe
Marginalia
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You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
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I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.
- Lemony Snicket
The Penultimate Peril
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I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
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Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Avg Rating: 5.0 ★Rate This Quote
So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.
- Dr. Seuss
Oh, the Places You'll Go!
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Must you go? I was rather hoping you'd stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must."

"I'll stay," Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. "I can minister angelically."

"None too convincingly. And you're not as pretty to look at as Tessa is," Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow.

"How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing at the radiance of the sun."

Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Angel
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A friend said to me, “Hey you need to grow a pair. Grow a pair, Bro.” It’s when someone calls you weak, but they associate it with a lack of testicles. Which is weird, because testicles are the most sensitive things in the world. If you suddenly just grew a pair, you’d be a lot more vulnerable. If you want to be tough, you should lose a pair. If you want to be real tough, you should grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
- Sheng Wang
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Puns are the highest form of literature.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
This Side of Paradise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
have i gone mad?
im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.
- Lewis Carroll
Alice in Wonderland
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Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
- Robert Benchley
Avg Rating: 5.0 ★Rate This Quote
French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused.
- Stephanie Perkins
Anna and the French Kiss
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Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.
- John Green
Looking for Alaska
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Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!
- Lewis Carroll
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland / Through the Looking-Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?"
"You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't."
"There goes my Saturday.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.
- Patricia Briggs
Moon Called
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From behind Lissa, I heard Christian say, "Worst. Timing. Ever." Adrian studied Lissa and then looked at Christain sprawling on the bed on the far side of the suite.
"Huh," Adrian said, letting himself in. "So that's how you're going to fix the family problem. Little Dragomirs. Good idea." Christian sat up and strolled toward them.
"Yeah, that's exactly it. You're interrupting official Council business.
- Richelle Mead
Last Sacrifice
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.
- Stephen King
Doctor Sleep
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
- Henry Ward Beecherr
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.
- Edgar Allan Poe
Marginalia
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.
- Lemony Snicket
The Penultimate Peril
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Avg Rating: 5.0 ★Rate This Quote
So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.
- Dr. Seuss
Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Must you go? I was rather hoping you'd stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must."

"I'll stay," Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. "I can minister angelically."

"None too convincingly. And you're not as pretty to look at as Tessa is," Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow.

"How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing at the radiance of the sun."

Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Angel
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A friend said to me, “Hey you need to grow a pair. Grow a pair, Bro.” It’s when someone calls you weak, but they associate it with a lack of testicles. Which is weird, because testicles are the most sensitive things in the world. If you suddenly just grew a pair, you’d be a lot more vulnerable. If you want to be tough, you should lose a pair. If you want to be real tough, you should grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
- Sheng Wang
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Puns are the highest form of literature.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
This Side of Paradise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
have i gone mad?
im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.
- Lewis Carroll
Alice in Wonderland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
- Robert Benchley
Avg Rating: 5.0 ★Rate This Quote
French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused.
- Stephanie Perkins
Anna and the French Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.
- John Green
Looking for Alaska
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!
- Lewis Carroll
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland / Through the Looking-Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?"
"You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't."
"There goes my Saturday.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.
- Patricia Briggs
Moon Called
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
From behind Lissa, I heard Christian say, "Worst. Timing. Ever." Adrian studied Lissa and then looked at Christain sprawling on the bed on the far side of the suite.
"Huh," Adrian said, letting himself in. "So that's how you're going to fix the family problem. Little Dragomirs. Good idea." Christian sat up and strolled toward them.
"Yeah, that's exactly it. You're interrupting official Council business.
- Richelle Mead
Last Sacrifice
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.
- Stephen King
Doctor Sleep
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
- Henry Ward Beecherr
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.
- Edgar Allan Poe
Marginalia
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.
- Lemony Snicket
The Penultimate Peril
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Avg Rating: 5.0 ★Rate This Quote
So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.
- Dr. Seuss
Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Must you go? I was rather hoping you'd stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must."

"I'll stay," Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. "I can minister angelically."

"None too convincingly. And you're not as pretty to look at as Tessa is," Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow.

"How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing at the radiance of the sun."

Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Angel
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A friend said to me, “Hey you need to grow a pair. Grow a pair, Bro.” It’s when someone calls you weak, but they associate it with a lack of testicles. Which is weird, because testicles are the most sensitive things in the world. If you suddenly just grew a pair, you’d be a lot more vulnerable. If you want to be tough, you should lose a pair. If you want to be real tough, you should grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
- Sheng Wang
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Puns are the highest form of literature.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
This Side of Paradise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
have i gone mad?
im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.
- Lewis Carroll
Alice in Wonderland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
- Robert Benchley
Avg Rating: 5.0 ★Rate This Quote
French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused.
- Stephanie Perkins
Anna and the French Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.
- John Green
Looking for Alaska
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!
- Lewis Carroll
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland / Through the Looking-Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?"
"You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't."
"There goes my Saturday.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.
- Patricia Briggs
Moon Called
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
From behind Lissa, I heard Christian say, "Worst. Timing. Ever." Adrian studied Lissa and then looked at Christain sprawling on the bed on the far side of the suite.
"Huh," Adrian said, letting himself in. "So that's how you're going to fix the family problem. Little Dragomirs. Good idea." Christian sat up and strolled toward them.
"Yeah, that's exactly it. You're interrupting official Council business.
- Richelle Mead
Last Sacrifice
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.
- Stephen King
Doctor Sleep
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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2
3
4
5
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