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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
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We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third.
- Leslie Knope
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Emergency dance party--go away.
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To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.
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Any idiot can put up a website.
- Patricia Briggs
Blood Bound
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Call me sentimental, but there's no-one in the world that I'd like to see get dysentery more than you
- David Nicholls
One Day
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Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
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Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average; males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.
- Chuck Klosterman
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas
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Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds," I added. Radar tapped a locker twice with his fist to show his approval, and then came back with another. "Ben, getting you a date to prom is so hard that the American government believes the problem cannot be solved with diplomacy, but will instead require force.
- John Green
Paper Towns
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Where were you born?"
"On a battlefield," [Yossarian] answered.
"No, no. In what state were you born?"
"In a state of innocence.
- Joseph Heller
Catch-22
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That's kind of a leap, but the Russian judge gave you a nine point five for style, so okay.
- Rachel Caine
Glass Houses
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What? It’s not my blood!”
“Let me see it,” Julian demanded, and a moment later there were sounds of a scuffle from the back seat.
“I am AB positive and this is distinctly type O blood!” Ty finally shouted at him. “Look at the little Os!
- Abigail Roux
Armed & Dangerous
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It was a lame excuse, and I knew that wasn't the reason he was canceling. If he wanted to avoid me, I would have preferred he made up something about how he and the other guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves.
- Richelle Mead
Frostbite
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I love having existential crises at bedtime, it's so restful.
- Naomi Novik
A Deadly Education
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No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad
- Jeaniene Frost
This Side of the Grave
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KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.
-The Chief
- Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
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Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed.
"Holy Hell," Callie whispered, blinking.
"More or less," Arriane said
- Lauren Kate
Torment
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Saphira waved her tail, the tip whistling loudly. "I'm not asking you to. However, if we attack first, we may gain the advantage."
"Have you gone crazy? They'll..." Eragon's voice trailed off as he thought about it. "They won't be able to do a thing."
"Exactly," said Saphira. "We can inflict lots of damage from a safe height."
"Let's drop rocks on them!
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But we're going to smile and pretend we're fine with the dorky birthmas gifts because people do not get that they can't mush a birthday into christmas.
- P.C. Cast
Chosen
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I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.
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Two things that matter to me. Emotional resonance and rocket launchers.
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You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working." Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab.

"Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!" Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
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Some kids get called 'bundles of joy' or 'slices of heaven' or 'dreams come true.' We got 'the fifty-fourth generation of DNA experiments.' Doesn't have the same warm and fuzzy feel. But maybe I'm oversensitive.
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I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third.
- Leslie Knope
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Emergency dance party--go away.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Any idiot can put up a website.
- Patricia Briggs
Blood Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Call me sentimental, but there's no-one in the world that I'd like to see get dysentery more than you
- David Nicholls
One Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average; males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.
- Chuck Klosterman
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds," I added. Radar tapped a locker twice with his fist to show his approval, and then came back with another. "Ben, getting you a date to prom is so hard that the American government believes the problem cannot be solved with diplomacy, but will instead require force.
- John Green
Paper Towns
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Where were you born?"
"On a battlefield," [Yossarian] answered.
"No, no. In what state were you born?"
"In a state of innocence.
- Joseph Heller
Catch-22
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That's kind of a leap, but the Russian judge gave you a nine point five for style, so okay.
- Rachel Caine
Glass Houses
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What? It’s not my blood!”
“Let me see it,” Julian demanded, and a moment later there were sounds of a scuffle from the back seat.
“I am AB positive and this is distinctly type O blood!” Ty finally shouted at him. “Look at the little Os!
- Abigail Roux
Armed & Dangerous
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was a lame excuse, and I knew that wasn't the reason he was canceling. If he wanted to avoid me, I would have preferred he made up something about how he and the other guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves.
- Richelle Mead
Frostbite
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love having existential crises at bedtime, it's so restful.
- Naomi Novik
A Deadly Education
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad
- Jeaniene Frost
This Side of the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.
-The Chief
- Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed.
"Holy Hell," Callie whispered, blinking.
"More or less," Arriane said
- Lauren Kate
Torment
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Saphira waved her tail, the tip whistling loudly. "I'm not asking you to. However, if we attack first, we may gain the advantage."
"Have you gone crazy? They'll..." Eragon's voice trailed off as he thought about it. "They won't be able to do a thing."
"Exactly," said Saphira. "We can inflict lots of damage from a safe height."
"Let's drop rocks on them!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
But we're going to smile and pretend we're fine with the dorky birthmas gifts because people do not get that they can't mush a birthday into christmas.
- P.C. Cast
Chosen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Two things that matter to me. Emotional resonance and rocket launchers.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working." Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab.

"Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!" Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some kids get called 'bundles of joy' or 'slices of heaven' or 'dreams come true.' We got 'the fifty-fourth generation of DNA experiments.' Doesn't have the same warm and fuzzy feel. But maybe I'm oversensitive.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third.
- Leslie Knope
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Emergency dance party--go away.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Any idiot can put up a website.
- Patricia Briggs
Blood Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Call me sentimental, but there's no-one in the world that I'd like to see get dysentery more than you
- David Nicholls
One Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average; males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.
- Chuck Klosterman
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds," I added. Radar tapped a locker twice with his fist to show his approval, and then came back with another. "Ben, getting you a date to prom is so hard that the American government believes the problem cannot be solved with diplomacy, but will instead require force.
- John Green
Paper Towns
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Where were you born?"
"On a battlefield," [Yossarian] answered.
"No, no. In what state were you born?"
"In a state of innocence.
- Joseph Heller
Catch-22
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That's kind of a leap, but the Russian judge gave you a nine point five for style, so okay.
- Rachel Caine
Glass Houses
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What? It’s not my blood!”
“Let me see it,” Julian demanded, and a moment later there were sounds of a scuffle from the back seat.
“I am AB positive and this is distinctly type O blood!” Ty finally shouted at him. “Look at the little Os!
- Abigail Roux
Armed & Dangerous
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was a lame excuse, and I knew that wasn't the reason he was canceling. If he wanted to avoid me, I would have preferred he made up something about how he and the other guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves.
- Richelle Mead
Frostbite
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love having existential crises at bedtime, it's so restful.
- Naomi Novik
A Deadly Education
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad
- Jeaniene Frost
This Side of the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.
-The Chief
- Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed.
"Holy Hell," Callie whispered, blinking.
"More or less," Arriane said
- Lauren Kate
Torment
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Saphira waved her tail, the tip whistling loudly. "I'm not asking you to. However, if we attack first, we may gain the advantage."
"Have you gone crazy? They'll..." Eragon's voice trailed off as he thought about it. "They won't be able to do a thing."
"Exactly," said Saphira. "We can inflict lots of damage from a safe height."
"Let's drop rocks on them!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
But we're going to smile and pretend we're fine with the dorky birthmas gifts because people do not get that they can't mush a birthday into christmas.
- P.C. Cast
Chosen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Two things that matter to me. Emotional resonance and rocket launchers.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working." Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab.

"Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!" Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some kids get called 'bundles of joy' or 'slices of heaven' or 'dreams come true.' We got 'the fifty-fourth generation of DNA experiments.' Doesn't have the same warm and fuzzy feel. But maybe I'm oversensitive.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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