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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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"Oh, don't mind me," came an extremely sarcastic voice near the wall. “You two go ahead and make out–I'll just sit here and bleed quietly."
- Julie Kagawa
The Eternity Cure
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"This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did."
I frowned, "What's that?"
"Homework."
- Richelle Mead
Spirit Bound
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Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bleeds
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When I'm out of politics I'm going to run a business, it'll be called rent-a-spine
- Margaret Thatcher
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The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.
- Garrison Keillor
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When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
- Cory Doctorow
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"I didn't think about being king,” he said, his voice hoarse.
Eddis stared. “Your capacity to land yourself in a mess because you didn't think first, Eugenides, will never cease to amaze me. What do you mean you didn't think about being king? Is Attolia going to marry you and move into my library?"
- Megan Whalen Turner
The Queen of Attolia
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No, I really did. I walked into that room and saw the hottest, sexiest guy I've ever seen - wet and half naked. And I said, "Ewww."

I know. How am I still single, right?
- Nicole Christie
Falling for the Ghost of You
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I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
- Janet Evanovich
Twelve Sharp
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I've always known I was gay, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in kindergarten.

It was my teacher who said so. It was right there on my kindergarten report card: PAUL IS DEFINITELY GAY AND HAS VERY GOOD SENSE OF SELF.
- David Levithan
Boy Meets Boy
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Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.
"It's three thirty in the morning."
"Okay. Want coffee?
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
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Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island" could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
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Because my love for you is beyond words, I decided to shut up.
- Nizar Qabbani
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Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench.
- Jim Butcher
Fool Moon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know, I never believed in fate until I met you... then I started thinking coincidence didn't have near so cruel a sense of humor
- Alwyn Hamilton
Rebel of the Sands
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His arms went round my waist. He had a big grin, full of teeth like stars. "You saying you're the jealous sort,Scar?"
"I'm saying that some girls slap, but I have knives.
- A.C. Gaughen
Scarlet
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.
- Reba McEntire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you have ever seen a dragon in a pinch, you will realize that this was only poetical exaggeration applied to any hobbit, even to Old Took's great-grand-uncle Bullroarer, who was so huge (for a hobbit) that he could ride a horse. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfimbul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
The Hobbit, or There and Back Again
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
They can't tell so much about you if you got your eyes closed.
- Ken Kesey
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In the end, everything is a gag.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No. Don't distract me with your sexy talk.
- Rachel Hawkins
Spell Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Oh, don't mind me," came an extremely sarcastic voice near the wall. “You two go ahead and make out–I'll just sit here and bleed quietly."
- Julie Kagawa
The Eternity Cure
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did."
I frowned, "What's that?"
"Homework."
- Richelle Mead
Spirit Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I'm out of politics I'm going to run a business, it'll be called rent-a-spine
- Margaret Thatcher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.
- Garrison Keillor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
- Cory Doctorow
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"I didn't think about being king,” he said, his voice hoarse.
Eddis stared. “Your capacity to land yourself in a mess because you didn't think first, Eugenides, will never cease to amaze me. What do you mean you didn't think about being king? Is Attolia going to marry you and move into my library?"
- Megan Whalen Turner
The Queen of Attolia
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No, I really did. I walked into that room and saw the hottest, sexiest guy I've ever seen - wet and half naked. And I said, "Ewww."

I know. How am I still single, right?
- Nicole Christie
Falling for the Ghost of You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
- Janet Evanovich
Twelve Sharp
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've always known I was gay, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in kindergarten.

It was my teacher who said so. It was right there on my kindergarten report card: PAUL IS DEFINITELY GAY AND HAS VERY GOOD SENSE OF SELF.
- David Levithan
Boy Meets Boy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.
"It's three thirty in the morning."
"Okay. Want coffee?
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island" could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Because my love for you is beyond words, I decided to shut up.
- Nizar Qabbani
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench.
- Jim Butcher
Fool Moon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know, I never believed in fate until I met you... then I started thinking coincidence didn't have near so cruel a sense of humor
- Alwyn Hamilton
Rebel of the Sands
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
His arms went round my waist. He had a big grin, full of teeth like stars. "You saying you're the jealous sort,Scar?"
"I'm saying that some girls slap, but I have knives.
- A.C. Gaughen
Scarlet
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.
- Reba McEntire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you have ever seen a dragon in a pinch, you will realize that this was only poetical exaggeration applied to any hobbit, even to Old Took's great-grand-uncle Bullroarer, who was so huge (for a hobbit) that he could ride a horse. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfimbul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
The Hobbit, or There and Back Again
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
They can't tell so much about you if you got your eyes closed.
- Ken Kesey
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In the end, everything is a gag.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No. Don't distract me with your sexy talk.
- Rachel Hawkins
Spell Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Oh, don't mind me," came an extremely sarcastic voice near the wall. “You two go ahead and make out–I'll just sit here and bleed quietly."
- Julie Kagawa
The Eternity Cure
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did."
I frowned, "What's that?"
"Homework."
- Richelle Mead
Spirit Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I'm out of politics I'm going to run a business, it'll be called rent-a-spine
- Margaret Thatcher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.
- Garrison Keillor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
- Cory Doctorow
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"I didn't think about being king,” he said, his voice hoarse.
Eddis stared. “Your capacity to land yourself in a mess because you didn't think first, Eugenides, will never cease to amaze me. What do you mean you didn't think about being king? Is Attolia going to marry you and move into my library?"
- Megan Whalen Turner
The Queen of Attolia
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No, I really did. I walked into that room and saw the hottest, sexiest guy I've ever seen - wet and half naked. And I said, "Ewww."

I know. How am I still single, right?
- Nicole Christie
Falling for the Ghost of You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
- Janet Evanovich
Twelve Sharp
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've always known I was gay, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in kindergarten.

It was my teacher who said so. It was right there on my kindergarten report card: PAUL IS DEFINITELY GAY AND HAS VERY GOOD SENSE OF SELF.
- David Levithan
Boy Meets Boy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.
"It's three thirty in the morning."
"Okay. Want coffee?
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island" could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Because my love for you is beyond words, I decided to shut up.
- Nizar Qabbani
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench.
- Jim Butcher
Fool Moon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know, I never believed in fate until I met you... then I started thinking coincidence didn't have near so cruel a sense of humor
- Alwyn Hamilton
Rebel of the Sands
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
His arms went round my waist. He had a big grin, full of teeth like stars. "You saying you're the jealous sort,Scar?"
"I'm saying that some girls slap, but I have knives.
- A.C. Gaughen
Scarlet
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.
- Reba McEntire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you have ever seen a dragon in a pinch, you will realize that this was only poetical exaggeration applied to any hobbit, even to Old Took's great-grand-uncle Bullroarer, who was so huge (for a hobbit) that he could ride a horse. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfimbul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
The Hobbit, or There and Back Again
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
They can't tell so much about you if you got your eyes closed.
- Ken Kesey
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In the end, everything is a gag.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No. Don't distract me with your sexy talk.
- Rachel Hawkins
Spell Bound
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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37
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39
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