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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Wizard Howl," said Wizard Suliman. "I must apologize for trying to bite you so often. In the normal way, I wouldn't dream of setting teeth in a fellow countryman.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
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And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
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Earrings are like orgasms. You can never have too many."
" I never thought about it quite that way."
Well, you're a man. " She gave his knee a friendly pat.
- Nora Roberts
Daring to Dream
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I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat.
- Brian Andreas
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You saw my leg?"
"How can a man help what he sees?" he said. "And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg.
- Shannon Hale
The Goose Girl
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Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
- Robert Fulghum
Maybe, Maybe Not
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One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA.
- Lisa Kleypas
Smooth Talking Stranger
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I'm not holding you against your will; I'm holding you against your car.
- Linda Howard
Mr. Perfect
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She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappropriate future moment.
- Gail Carriger
Soulless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can’t know, sweetie, because you’ve never had a baby become a brilliant young reader with a side interest in horrible television shows, but the joy you bring us is so much greater than the sadness we feel about your illness.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The inhabitants of the earth are of two sorts: those with brains, but no religion, and those with religion, but no brains.
- Al-Maʿarri
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
- Tom Snyder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can have everything in the world, but if you don't have love, none of it means crap," he said promptly. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love always forgives, trusts, supports, and endures. Love never fails. When every star in the heavens grows cold, and when silence lies once more on the face of the deep, three things will endure: faith, hope, and love."

And the greatest of these is love," I finished. "That's from the Bible."

First Corinthians, chapter thirteen," Thomas confirmed. "I paraphrased. Father makes all of us memorize that passage. Like when parents put those green yucky-face stickers on the poisonous cleaning products under the kitchen sink.
- Jim Butcher
Blood Rites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are you here for a reason, Cheshire?

Why, yes, I would enjoy a cup of tea. I take mine with lots of cream, and no tea. Thank you.
- Marissa Meyer
Heartless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Once again, I've been thwarted by the massive difference between my vision of the successful me and the me I'm currently stuck with.
- Lauren Graham
Someday, Someday, Maybe
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Don't be scared of Bambi" the demon said. "She's only curious and maybe a little bit hungry."

The thing was named Bambi?

Oh, my God, the thing stared at me like it wanted to eat me.
- Jennifer L. Armentrout
White Hot Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The shortest distance between two people is a smile.
- Victor Borge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
- P.G. Wodehouse
Carry On, Jeeves
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That dress…was a very, very good decision. I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone. You are a feast for the senses.” I laughed. “I don’t know about a feast. Maybe just an hors d'oeuvre.” He took my hand and wrapped it around his arm. “Not an hors d'oeuvre. The dessert. And I plan to spoil my appetite.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're not eating anything," said Marilla sharply, eying her as if it were a serious shortcoming. Anne sighed.

I can't. I'm in the depths of despair. Can you eat when
you are in the depths of despair?"

I've never been in the depths of despair, so I can't say," responded Marilla.

Weren't you? Well, did you ever try to IMAGINE you were in
the depths of despair?"

No, I didn't."

Then I don't think you can understand what it's like. It's very uncomfortable a feeling indeed.
- Lucy Maud Montgomery
Anne of Green Gables
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen
- Stephen King
The Stand
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Wizard Howl," said Wizard Suliman. "I must apologize for trying to bite you so often. In the normal way, I wouldn't dream of setting teeth in a fellow countryman.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Earrings are like orgasms. You can never have too many."
" I never thought about it quite that way."
Well, you're a man. " She gave his knee a friendly pat.
- Nora Roberts
Daring to Dream
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat.
- Brian Andreas
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You saw my leg?"
"How can a man help what he sees?" he said. "And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg.
- Shannon Hale
The Goose Girl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
- Robert Fulghum
Maybe, Maybe Not
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA.
- Lisa Kleypas
Smooth Talking Stranger
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not holding you against your will; I'm holding you against your car.
- Linda Howard
Mr. Perfect
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappropriate future moment.
- Gail Carriger
Soulless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can’t know, sweetie, because you’ve never had a baby become a brilliant young reader with a side interest in horrible television shows, but the joy you bring us is so much greater than the sadness we feel about your illness.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The inhabitants of the earth are of two sorts: those with brains, but no religion, and those with religion, but no brains.
- Al-Maʿarri
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
- Tom Snyder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can have everything in the world, but if you don't have love, none of it means crap," he said promptly. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love always forgives, trusts, supports, and endures. Love never fails. When every star in the heavens grows cold, and when silence lies once more on the face of the deep, three things will endure: faith, hope, and love."

And the greatest of these is love," I finished. "That's from the Bible."

First Corinthians, chapter thirteen," Thomas confirmed. "I paraphrased. Father makes all of us memorize that passage. Like when parents put those green yucky-face stickers on the poisonous cleaning products under the kitchen sink.
- Jim Butcher
Blood Rites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are you here for a reason, Cheshire?

Why, yes, I would enjoy a cup of tea. I take mine with lots of cream, and no tea. Thank you.
- Marissa Meyer
Heartless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Once again, I've been thwarted by the massive difference between my vision of the successful me and the me I'm currently stuck with.
- Lauren Graham
Someday, Someday, Maybe
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Don't be scared of Bambi" the demon said. "She's only curious and maybe a little bit hungry."

The thing was named Bambi?

Oh, my God, the thing stared at me like it wanted to eat me.
- Jennifer L. Armentrout
White Hot Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The shortest distance between two people is a smile.
- Victor Borge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
- P.G. Wodehouse
Carry On, Jeeves
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That dress…was a very, very good decision. I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone. You are a feast for the senses.” I laughed. “I don’t know about a feast. Maybe just an hors d'oeuvre.” He took my hand and wrapped it around his arm. “Not an hors d'oeuvre. The dessert. And I plan to spoil my appetite.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're not eating anything," said Marilla sharply, eying her as if it were a serious shortcoming. Anne sighed.

I can't. I'm in the depths of despair. Can you eat when
you are in the depths of despair?"

I've never been in the depths of despair, so I can't say," responded Marilla.

Weren't you? Well, did you ever try to IMAGINE you were in
the depths of despair?"

No, I didn't."

Then I don't think you can understand what it's like. It's very uncomfortable a feeling indeed.
- Lucy Maud Montgomery
Anne of Green Gables
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen
- Stephen King
The Stand
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Wizard Howl," said Wizard Suliman. "I must apologize for trying to bite you so often. In the normal way, I wouldn't dream of setting teeth in a fellow countryman.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Earrings are like orgasms. You can never have too many."
" I never thought about it quite that way."
Well, you're a man. " She gave his knee a friendly pat.
- Nora Roberts
Daring to Dream
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat.
- Brian Andreas
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You saw my leg?"
"How can a man help what he sees?" he said. "And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg.
- Shannon Hale
The Goose Girl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
- Robert Fulghum
Maybe, Maybe Not
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA.
- Lisa Kleypas
Smooth Talking Stranger
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm not holding you against your will; I'm holding you against your car.
- Linda Howard
Mr. Perfect
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappropriate future moment.
- Gail Carriger
Soulless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can’t know, sweetie, because you’ve never had a baby become a brilliant young reader with a side interest in horrible television shows, but the joy you bring us is so much greater than the sadness we feel about your illness.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The inhabitants of the earth are of two sorts: those with brains, but no religion, and those with religion, but no brains.
- Al-Maʿarri
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
- Tom Snyder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You can have everything in the world, but if you don't have love, none of it means crap," he said promptly. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love always forgives, trusts, supports, and endures. Love never fails. When every star in the heavens grows cold, and when silence lies once more on the face of the deep, three things will endure: faith, hope, and love."

And the greatest of these is love," I finished. "That's from the Bible."

First Corinthians, chapter thirteen," Thomas confirmed. "I paraphrased. Father makes all of us memorize that passage. Like when parents put those green yucky-face stickers on the poisonous cleaning products under the kitchen sink.
- Jim Butcher
Blood Rites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are you here for a reason, Cheshire?

Why, yes, I would enjoy a cup of tea. I take mine with lots of cream, and no tea. Thank you.
- Marissa Meyer
Heartless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Once again, I've been thwarted by the massive difference between my vision of the successful me and the me I'm currently stuck with.
- Lauren Graham
Someday, Someday, Maybe
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
"Don't be scared of Bambi" the demon said. "She's only curious and maybe a little bit hungry."

The thing was named Bambi?

Oh, my God, the thing stared at me like it wanted to eat me.
- Jennifer L. Armentrout
White Hot Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The shortest distance between two people is a smile.
- Victor Borge
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
- P.G. Wodehouse
Carry On, Jeeves
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That dress…was a very, very good decision. I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone. You are a feast for the senses.” I laughed. “I don’t know about a feast. Maybe just an hors d'oeuvre.” He took my hand and wrapped it around his arm. “Not an hors d'oeuvre. The dessert. And I plan to spoil my appetite.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're not eating anything," said Marilla sharply, eying her as if it were a serious shortcoming. Anne sighed.

I can't. I'm in the depths of despair. Can you eat when
you are in the depths of despair?"

I've never been in the depths of despair, so I can't say," responded Marilla.

Weren't you? Well, did you ever try to IMAGINE you were in
the depths of despair?"

No, I didn't."

Then I don't think you can understand what it's like. It's very uncomfortable a feeling indeed.
- Lucy Maud Montgomery
Anne of Green Gables
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen
- Stephen King
The Stand
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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