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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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You just noticed? You're slow...
- Tite Kubo
Bleach, Vol. 1
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If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
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What do you think dignity's all about?'

The directness of the inquiry did, I admit, take me rather by surprise. 'It's rather a hard thing to explain in a few words, sir,' I said. 'But I suspect it comes down to not removing one's clothing in public.
- Kazuo Ishiguro
The Remains of the Day
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I still love him so much I'll hide any amount of conjugated estrogen in his food. So much I'll do anything to destroy him.
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
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I had liked him for all the wrong reasons.
- Wendelin Van Draanen
Flipped
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Opinions are like onions. They spell similarly, usually have many layers, and tend to make people cry.
- Caitlyn Paige
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How did you-"
Fool your guards? They're not very good, the forgot to check the ceiling for spiders."Valek grinned. His angular face softened.
- Maria V. Snyder
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There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn’t perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that’s not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most.
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And by golly, love sure was a battlefield. Benatar was right about that.
- Charlaine Harris
Club Dead
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The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well finish your story anyway."

Where was I?"

The bubonic plague. The bulldozer was stalled by corpses."

Oh, yes. Anyway, one sleepless night I stayed up with Father while he worked. It was all we could do to find a live patient to treat. In bed after bed after bed we found dead people.

And Father started giggling," Castle continued.

He couldn't stop. He walked out into the night with his flashlight. He was still giggling. He was making the flashlight beam dance over all the dead people stacked outside. He put his hand on my head and do you know what that marvelous man said to me?" asked Castle.

Nope."

'Son,' my father said to me, 'someday this will all be yours.
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And...I think that's what life is all about, actually, about children and flowers.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hell’s bells. I don’t call him the Fist of God as a pet name, folks.
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
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Of all the consumer products, chewing gum is perhaps the most ridiculous: it literally has no nourishment – you just chew it to give yourself something to do with your stupid idiot Western mouth.

Half the world is starving, and the other’s going, ‘I don’t actually need any nutrition, but it would be good to masticate, just to keep my mind off things.
- Russell Brand
My Booky Wook
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People often say that the English are very cold fish, very reserved, that they have a way of looking at things – even tragedy – with a sense of irony. There’s some truth in it; it’s pretty stupid of them, though. Humor won’t save you; it doesn’t really do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades; there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart. Doesn’t matter how brave you are, how reserved, or how much you’ve developed a sense of humor, you still end up with your heart broken. That’s when you stop laughing. In the end there’s just the cold, the silence and the loneliness. In the end, there’s only death.
- Michel Houellebecq
The Elementary Particles
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Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
- Bill Vaughan
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Fred Allen
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
- Anthony Burgess
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
- Jean Giraudoux
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You just noticed? You're slow...
- Tite Kubo
Bleach, Vol. 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What do you think dignity's all about?'

The directness of the inquiry did, I admit, take me rather by surprise. 'It's rather a hard thing to explain in a few words, sir,' I said. 'But I suspect it comes down to not removing one's clothing in public.
- Kazuo Ishiguro
The Remains of the Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I still love him so much I'll hide any amount of conjugated estrogen in his food. So much I'll do anything to destroy him.
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I had liked him for all the wrong reasons.
- Wendelin Van Draanen
Flipped
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Opinions are like onions. They spell similarly, usually have many layers, and tend to make people cry.
- Caitlyn Paige
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How did you-"
Fool your guards? They're not very good, the forgot to check the ceiling for spiders."Valek grinned. His angular face softened.
- Maria V. Snyder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn’t perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that’s not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And by golly, love sure was a battlefield. Benatar was right about that.
- Charlaine Harris
Club Dead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well finish your story anyway."

Where was I?"

The bubonic plague. The bulldozer was stalled by corpses."

Oh, yes. Anyway, one sleepless night I stayed up with Father while he worked. It was all we could do to find a live patient to treat. In bed after bed after bed we found dead people.

And Father started giggling," Castle continued.

He couldn't stop. He walked out into the night with his flashlight. He was still giggling. He was making the flashlight beam dance over all the dead people stacked outside. He put his hand on my head and do you know what that marvelous man said to me?" asked Castle.

Nope."

'Son,' my father said to me, 'someday this will all be yours.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And...I think that's what life is all about, actually, about children and flowers.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hell’s bells. I don’t call him the Fist of God as a pet name, folks.
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Of all the consumer products, chewing gum is perhaps the most ridiculous: it literally has no nourishment – you just chew it to give yourself something to do with your stupid idiot Western mouth.

Half the world is starving, and the other’s going, ‘I don’t actually need any nutrition, but it would be good to masticate, just to keep my mind off things.
- Russell Brand
My Booky Wook
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People often say that the English are very cold fish, very reserved, that they have a way of looking at things – even tragedy – with a sense of irony. There’s some truth in it; it’s pretty stupid of them, though. Humor won’t save you; it doesn’t really do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades; there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart. Doesn’t matter how brave you are, how reserved, or how much you’ve developed a sense of humor, you still end up with your heart broken. That’s when you stop laughing. In the end there’s just the cold, the silence and the loneliness. In the end, there’s only death.
- Michel Houellebecq
The Elementary Particles
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
- Bill Vaughan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Fred Allen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
- Anthony Burgess
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
- Jean Giraudoux
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You just noticed? You're slow...
- Tite Kubo
Bleach, Vol. 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What do you think dignity's all about?'

The directness of the inquiry did, I admit, take me rather by surprise. 'It's rather a hard thing to explain in a few words, sir,' I said. 'But I suspect it comes down to not removing one's clothing in public.
- Kazuo Ishiguro
The Remains of the Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I still love him so much I'll hide any amount of conjugated estrogen in his food. So much I'll do anything to destroy him.
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I had liked him for all the wrong reasons.
- Wendelin Van Draanen
Flipped
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Opinions are like onions. They spell similarly, usually have many layers, and tend to make people cry.
- Caitlyn Paige
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How did you-"
Fool your guards? They're not very good, the forgot to check the ceiling for spiders."Valek grinned. His angular face softened.
- Maria V. Snyder
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn’t perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that’s not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And by golly, love sure was a battlefield. Benatar was right about that.
- Charlaine Harris
Club Dead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well finish your story anyway."

Where was I?"

The bubonic plague. The bulldozer was stalled by corpses."

Oh, yes. Anyway, one sleepless night I stayed up with Father while he worked. It was all we could do to find a live patient to treat. In bed after bed after bed we found dead people.

And Father started giggling," Castle continued.

He couldn't stop. He walked out into the night with his flashlight. He was still giggling. He was making the flashlight beam dance over all the dead people stacked outside. He put his hand on my head and do you know what that marvelous man said to me?" asked Castle.

Nope."

'Son,' my father said to me, 'someday this will all be yours.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And...I think that's what life is all about, actually, about children and flowers.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hell’s bells. I don’t call him the Fist of God as a pet name, folks.
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Of all the consumer products, chewing gum is perhaps the most ridiculous: it literally has no nourishment – you just chew it to give yourself something to do with your stupid idiot Western mouth.

Half the world is starving, and the other’s going, ‘I don’t actually need any nutrition, but it would be good to masticate, just to keep my mind off things.
- Russell Brand
My Booky Wook
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People often say that the English are very cold fish, very reserved, that they have a way of looking at things – even tragedy – with a sense of irony. There’s some truth in it; it’s pretty stupid of them, though. Humor won’t save you; it doesn’t really do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades; there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart. Doesn’t matter how brave you are, how reserved, or how much you’ve developed a sense of humor, you still end up with your heart broken. That’s when you stop laughing. In the end there’s just the cold, the silence and the loneliness. In the end, there’s only death.
- Michel Houellebecq
The Elementary Particles
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
- Bill Vaughan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Fred Allen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
- Anthony Burgess
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
- Jean Giraudoux
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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41
42
43
44
 		...