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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
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Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names."
"Good idea," said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
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What's this?" he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there.
"It's a girl," Jace said,recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
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There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
- Oscar Wilde
The Picture of Dorian Gray
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The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.
- Jay McInerney
The Last of the Savages
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
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Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
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God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
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It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.
- Neil Gaiman
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
- Robin Williams
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I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.
- John Green
An Abundance of Katherines
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I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.
- Matt Groening
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There's no need to clarify my finger snap," said Magnus. "The implication was clear in the snap itself.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
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The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
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Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.
- Oscar Wilde
The Picture of Dorian Gray
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I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's more of a large and tastfully decorated foyer than a threshold. But I do get easily bored
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
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And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
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[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.
- Rick Riordan
The Sea of Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names."
"Good idea," said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's this?" he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there.
"It's a girl," Jace said,recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
- Oscar Wilde
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.
- Jay McInerney
The Last of the Savages
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.
- Neil Gaiman
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
- Robin Williams
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.
- John Green
An Abundance of Katherines
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.
- Matt Groening
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's no need to clarify my finger snap," said Magnus. "The implication was clear in the snap itself.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.
- Oscar Wilde
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's more of a large and tastfully decorated foyer than a threshold. But I do get easily bored
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.
- Rick Riordan
The Sea of Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names."
"Good idea," said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's this?" he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there.
"It's a girl," Jace said,recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
- Oscar Wilde
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.
- Jay McInerney
The Last of the Savages
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.
- Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.
- Neil Gaiman
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
- Robin Williams
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.
- John Green
An Abundance of Katherines
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.
- Matt Groening
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's no need to clarify my finger snap," said Magnus. "The implication was clear in the snap itself.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.
- Oscar Wilde
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's more of a large and tastfully decorated foyer than a threshold. But I do get easily bored
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.
- Rick Riordan
The Sea of Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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42
43
44
45
46
 		...