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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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There is nothing more luxurious than eating while you read—unless it be reading while you eat. Amabel did both: they are not the same thing, as you will see if you think the matter over.
- E. Nesbit
The Magic World
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
- Joseph Heller
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Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.
- G.K. Chesterton
Orthodoxy
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Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
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Well, I certainly don't," said Percy sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."
"Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred.
"That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!"
"It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
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I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.
- Dorothy Parker
The Collected Dorothy Parker
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In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
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The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
- Terry Pratchett
Moving Pictures
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I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
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She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.”

"That’s my girl.
- Emma Chase
Tangled
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Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So much good, so much evil. Just add water.
- Markus Zusak
The Book Thief
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Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves-"
"Oh, are you a prefect, Percy?" said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. "You should have said something, we had no idea."
"Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it," said the other twin. "Once-"
"Or twice-"
"A minute-"
"All summer-"
"Oh, shut up," said Percy the Prefect.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
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Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn't have worked, so clearly you're on board. Let me get out of here, and I’ll...I don’t know. Donate Adrian’s money to the poor. Get baptized. Join a convent. Well, no. Not that last one.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?"
"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything."
"Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb."
"Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything.
- A.A. Milne
Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Astriola. That IS demon pox. You had evidence that demon pox existed and you didnt mention it to me! Et tu, Brute!' He rolled up the paper and hit Jem over the head with it.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Yeah? Can you draw a skeleton riding a motorcycle with flames coming out of it? And I want a pirate hat on the skeleton. And a parrot on his shoulder. A skeleton parrot. Or maybe a ninja skeleton parrot? No, that would be overkill. But it'd be cool if the biker skeleton could be shooting some ninja throwing stars. That are on fire.
- Richelle Mead
Bloodlines
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you want some advice—which I'm sure you don't—you guys should lay off on the magic. Christian still thinks you're moving in on Lissa."
"What?" he asked in mock astonishment. "Doesn't he know my heart belongs to you?"
"It does not. And no, he's still worried about it, despite what I've told him."
"You know, I bet if we started making out right now, it would make him feel better."
"If you touch me," I said pleasantly, "I'll provide you with the opportunity to see if you can heal yourself. Then we'd see how badass you really are.
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?"
"Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple."
"But...you did something nice. Why?"
He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is nothing more luxurious than eating while you read—unless it be reading while you eat. Amabel did both: they are not the same thing, as you will see if you think the matter over.
- E. Nesbit
The Magic World
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
- Joseph Heller
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.
- G.K. Chesterton
Orthodoxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well, I certainly don't," said Percy sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."
"Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred.
"That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!"
"It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.
- Dorothy Parker
The Collected Dorothy Parker
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
- Terry Pratchett
Moving Pictures
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.”

"That’s my girl.
- Emma Chase
Tangled
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So much good, so much evil. Just add water.
- Markus Zusak
The Book Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves-"
"Oh, are you a prefect, Percy?" said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. "You should have said something, we had no idea."
"Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it," said the other twin. "Once-"
"Or twice-"
"A minute-"
"All summer-"
"Oh, shut up," said Percy the Prefect.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn't have worked, so clearly you're on board. Let me get out of here, and I’ll...I don’t know. Donate Adrian’s money to the poor. Get baptized. Join a convent. Well, no. Not that last one.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?"
"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything."
"Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb."
"Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything.
- A.A. Milne
Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Astriola. That IS demon pox. You had evidence that demon pox existed and you didnt mention it to me! Et tu, Brute!' He rolled up the paper and hit Jem over the head with it.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Yeah? Can you draw a skeleton riding a motorcycle with flames coming out of it? And I want a pirate hat on the skeleton. And a parrot on his shoulder. A skeleton parrot. Or maybe a ninja skeleton parrot? No, that would be overkill. But it'd be cool if the biker skeleton could be shooting some ninja throwing stars. That are on fire.
- Richelle Mead
Bloodlines
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you want some advice—which I'm sure you don't—you guys should lay off on the magic. Christian still thinks you're moving in on Lissa."
"What?" he asked in mock astonishment. "Doesn't he know my heart belongs to you?"
"It does not. And no, he's still worried about it, despite what I've told him."
"You know, I bet if we started making out right now, it would make him feel better."
"If you touch me," I said pleasantly, "I'll provide you with the opportunity to see if you can heal yourself. Then we'd see how badass you really are.
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?"
"Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple."
"But...you did something nice. Why?"
He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is nothing more luxurious than eating while you read—unless it be reading while you eat. Amabel did both: they are not the same thing, as you will see if you think the matter over.
- E. Nesbit
The Magic World
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
- Joseph Heller
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.
- G.K. Chesterton
Orthodoxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Well, I certainly don't," said Percy sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."
"Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred.
"That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!"
"It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.
- Dorothy Parker
The Collected Dorothy Parker
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
- Terry Pratchett
Moving Pictures
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"
Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.”

"That’s my girl.
- Emma Chase
Tangled
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So much good, so much evil. Just add water.
- Markus Zusak
The Book Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves-"
"Oh, are you a prefect, Percy?" said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. "You should have said something, we had no idea."
"Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it," said the other twin. "Once-"
"Or twice-"
"A minute-"
"All summer-"
"Oh, shut up," said Percy the Prefect.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn't have worked, so clearly you're on board. Let me get out of here, and I’ll...I don’t know. Donate Adrian’s money to the poor. Get baptized. Join a convent. Well, no. Not that last one.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?"
"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything."
"Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb."
"Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything.
- A.A. Milne
Winnie-the-Pooh
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Astriola. That IS demon pox. You had evidence that demon pox existed and you didnt mention it to me! Et tu, Brute!' He rolled up the paper and hit Jem over the head with it.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Yeah? Can you draw a skeleton riding a motorcycle with flames coming out of it? And I want a pirate hat on the skeleton. And a parrot on his shoulder. A skeleton parrot. Or maybe a ninja skeleton parrot? No, that would be overkill. But it'd be cool if the biker skeleton could be shooting some ninja throwing stars. That are on fire.
- Richelle Mead
Bloodlines
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you want some advice—which I'm sure you don't—you guys should lay off on the magic. Christian still thinks you're moving in on Lissa."
"What?" he asked in mock astonishment. "Doesn't he know my heart belongs to you?"
"It does not. And no, he's still worried about it, despite what I've told him."
"You know, I bet if we started making out right now, it would make him feel better."
"If you touch me," I said pleasantly, "I'll provide you with the opportunity to see if you can heal yourself. Then we'd see how badass you really are.
- Richelle Mead
Shadow Kiss
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?"
"Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple."
"But...you did something nice. Why?"
He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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43
44
45
46
47
 		...