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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Heaven has no taste."
"Now-"
"And not one single sushi restaurant."
A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.
- Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
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The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.
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Can you feel it? Something just changed. I believe that’s the sound the world makes when it pisses itself.
- Brandon Sanderson
The Way of Kings
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Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm OK by myself;
and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Of course, everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street.
- Neil Gaiman
Anansi Boys
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Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four... no... Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again.
- Monty Python
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I'm the hunter," Elena reminded him. "I should go first."
"Of course you may go first. When I am dead.
- Nalini Singh
Archangel's Legion
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Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
- Jerome K. Jerome
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Mary had a little lamb, its fleece electrostatic / And everywhere Mary went, the lights became erratic.
- David Foster Wallace
Infinite Jest
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At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.
- Derek Landy
Skulduggery Pleasant
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.
- Steuart Henderson Britt
Marketing Management and Administrative Action
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are
four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain
whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for
advantage of the lawyers.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.
Unfortunately, it wasn't with me.
- Richelle Mead
The Fiery Heart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone—‘I didn’t mean to startle her.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can last two months on a good compliment.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't run I never liked fast food
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box...
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.
- Scott Westerfeld
Leviathan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Wrath: What the hell are you supposed to ask?

Rhage: I know! Who do you like the most? It's me right?Come on, you know it is. Come oooooonnnnn-

Butch: If its you,, I'll kill myself.

V: No, that just means she's blind.

Rhage: It has to be me.

V: She said she didn't like you at first.

Rhage: Ah, but I won her over, which is more than anyone else can say about you, hot stuff.

J.R.: I don't like anyone the best

Wrath: Right answer.

Rhage: She's just sparing all of you feelings. (grins, becoming impossibly handsome) She's so polite.

J.R.: Next question?

Rhage: Why do you like me the best?
- J.R. Ward
The Black Dagger Brotherhood: An Insider's Guide
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Heaven has no taste."
"Now-"
"And not one single sushi restaurant."
A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.
- Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Can you feel it? Something just changed. I believe that’s the sound the world makes when it pisses itself.
- Brandon Sanderson
The Way of Kings
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm OK by myself;
and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Of course, everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street.
- Neil Gaiman
Anansi Boys
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four... no... Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again.
- Monty Python
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm the hunter," Elena reminded him. "I should go first."
"Of course you may go first. When I am dead.
- Nalini Singh
Archangel's Legion
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece electrostatic / And everywhere Mary went, the lights became erratic.
- David Foster Wallace
Infinite Jest
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.
- Derek Landy
Skulduggery Pleasant
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.
- Steuart Henderson Britt
Marketing Management and Administrative Action
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are
four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain
whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for
advantage of the lawyers.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.
Unfortunately, it wasn't with me.
- Richelle Mead
The Fiery Heart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone—‘I didn’t mean to startle her.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can last two months on a good compliment.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't run I never liked fast food
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box...
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.
- Scott Westerfeld
Leviathan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Wrath: What the hell are you supposed to ask?

Rhage: I know! Who do you like the most? It's me right?Come on, you know it is. Come oooooonnnnn-

Butch: If its you,, I'll kill myself.

V: No, that just means she's blind.

Rhage: It has to be me.

V: She said she didn't like you at first.

Rhage: Ah, but I won her over, which is more than anyone else can say about you, hot stuff.

J.R.: I don't like anyone the best

Wrath: Right answer.

Rhage: She's just sparing all of you feelings. (grins, becoming impossibly handsome) She's so polite.

J.R.: Next question?

Rhage: Why do you like me the best?
- J.R. Ward
The Black Dagger Brotherhood: An Insider's Guide
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Heaven has no taste."
"Now-"
"And not one single sushi restaurant."
A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.
- Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Can you feel it? Something just changed. I believe that’s the sound the world makes when it pisses itself.
- Brandon Sanderson
The Way of Kings
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm OK by myself;
and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Of course, everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street.
- Neil Gaiman
Anansi Boys
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four... no... Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again.
- Monty Python
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm the hunter," Elena reminded him. "I should go first."
"Of course you may go first. When I am dead.
- Nalini Singh
Archangel's Legion
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece electrostatic / And everywhere Mary went, the lights became erratic.
- David Foster Wallace
Infinite Jest
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.
- Derek Landy
Skulduggery Pleasant
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.
- Steuart Henderson Britt
Marketing Management and Administrative Action
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?
- Chuck Palahniuk
Invisible Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are
four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain
whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for
advantage of the lawyers.
- Ambrose Bierce
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.
Unfortunately, it wasn't with me.
- Richelle Mead
The Fiery Heart
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone—‘I didn’t mean to startle her.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I can last two months on a good compliment.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Don't run I never liked fast food
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box...
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.
- Scott Westerfeld
Leviathan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Wrath: What the hell are you supposed to ask?

Rhage: I know! Who do you like the most? It's me right?Come on, you know it is. Come oooooonnnnn-

Butch: If its you,, I'll kill myself.

V: No, that just means she's blind.

Rhage: It has to be me.

V: She said she didn't like you at first.

Rhage: Ah, but I won her over, which is more than anyone else can say about you, hot stuff.

J.R.: I don't like anyone the best

Wrath: Right answer.

Rhage: She's just sparing all of you feelings. (grins, becoming impossibly handsome) She's so polite.

J.R.: Next question?

Rhage: Why do you like me the best?
- J.R. Ward
The Black Dagger Brotherhood: An Insider's Guide
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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52
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