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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Was he a good kisser, Ms. Lane?” Barrons asked, watching me carefully.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand at the memory. “It was like being owned.”
Some women like that.”
Not me.”
Perhaps it depends on the man doing the owning.”
I doubt it. I couldn’t breathe with him kissing me.”
One day you may kiss a man you can’t breathe without, and find breath is of little consequence.”
Right, and one day my prince might come.”
I doubt he’ll be a prince, Ms. Lane. Men rarely are.
- Karen Marie Moning
Bloodfever
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A crossbow?” Pigeon asked.
I left my battle-ax in my other jeans,” the man said.
- Brandon Mull
The Candy Shop War
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Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you always ask me the same questions you ask him?"

"It depends on whether or not I get an answer.
- Anne Bishop
Daughter of the Blood
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I spent most of my youth hauling sides of beef and pork to my father's shop. Carrying you is far more enjoyable."

"How sweet," Annabelle mumbled sickly, her eyes closed. "Every woman dreams of being told that she's preferable to a dead cow.
- Lisa Kleypas
Secrets of a Summer Night
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Compromise is a stalling between two fools.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Pulling the chair out for me, he invited me to sit.
I stood there wondering if I could sprint for the nearest exit. Stupid strappy shoes, I'd never make it.
He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "I know what you're thinking, and I'm not going to let you escape again. You can either take a seat and have dinner with me like a normal date," he grinned at his word choice, "or," he paused thoughtfully then threatened, "you can sit on my lap while I force-feed you.
- Colleen Houck
Tiger's Curse
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Zoo-Wee Mama!
- Jeff Kinney
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He was a writer and words were his weapons.
- Christopher Moore
Bloodsucking Fiends
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are there weapons in a bookstore?'
'It's a store full of books, which are objects that can be thrown as well as read,' Monty replied blandly.
The Crows cocked his head. 'I had no idea you humans lived with so much danger.
- Anne Bishop
Murder of Crows
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The blood you spill is the blood of kings,” seethed Dunyasha. “You are not fit for such a gift.”
[...]
Inej raised a brow and slowly wiped the blood of kings on her trousers
- Leigh Bardugo
Crooked Kingdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was beautiful in a harsh I'm-going-to-gut-you-like-a-fish kind of way.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My dearest girl,' said the vampire finally, examining Lord Maccon with an exhausted but appreciative eye, 'such a banquet. Never been one to favor werewolves myself, but he is very well equipped, now, is he not?'

Miss Tarabotti gave him an arch look. 'My goodies,' she warned.

Humans,' chuckled the vampire, 'so possessive.
- Gail Carriger
Soulless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
anyway. Leo said, I hope you've got your worksheet, 'cause I used mine for spit wads days ago. Why are you looking at me like that? Somebody draw on my face again?
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there’s any mud on them?"

I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you’re featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn’t yet realize you had. You’re dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy.” I turned to face the door again. “I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots.
- Jim Butcher
Proven Guilty
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rhett: If you've made up your mind to impale someone, do it with conviction.
- Rowena Cherry
Knight's Fork
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Should I pull on a shirt?" he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. "No." He'd be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn't going to tell him that part. "You're fine.
- Gena Showalter
Alice in Zombieland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jiggery pokery!” said Harry in a fierce voice. “Hocus pocus — squiggly wiggly —”
“MUUUUUUM!” howled Dudley, “He’s doing you know what!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A week after Fred and George's departure, Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves, who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier, and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, "It unscrews the other way.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Of course, now I had the problem of communicating what I needed. Marlen was still beating on the door, and Dimitri would be up in a couple of minutes. I glared at the human, hoping I looked terrifying. From his expression, I did. I attempted the caveman talk I had with Inna...only this time the message was a little harder.
"Stick," I said in Russian. I had no clue what the word for stake was. I pointed at the silver ring I wore and made a slashing motion. "Stick. Where?"
He stared at me in utter confusion and then asked, in perfect English, "Why are you talking like that?"
"Oh for God's sake," I exclaimed. "Where is the vault?"
"Vault?"
"A place they keep weapons?"
He continued staring.
"Oh," he said. "That." Uneasily, he cast his eyes in the direction of the pounding.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Was he a good kisser, Ms. Lane?” Barrons asked, watching me carefully.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand at the memory. “It was like being owned.”
Some women like that.”
Not me.”
Perhaps it depends on the man doing the owning.”
I doubt it. I couldn’t breathe with him kissing me.”
One day you may kiss a man you can’t breathe without, and find breath is of little consequence.”
Right, and one day my prince might come.”
I doubt he’ll be a prince, Ms. Lane. Men rarely are.
- Karen Marie Moning
Bloodfever
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A crossbow?” Pigeon asked.
I left my battle-ax in my other jeans,” the man said.
- Brandon Mull
The Candy Shop War
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you always ask me the same questions you ask him?"

"It depends on whether or not I get an answer.
- Anne Bishop
Daughter of the Blood
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I spent most of my youth hauling sides of beef and pork to my father's shop. Carrying you is far more enjoyable."

"How sweet," Annabelle mumbled sickly, her eyes closed. "Every woman dreams of being told that she's preferable to a dead cow.
- Lisa Kleypas
Secrets of a Summer Night
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Compromise is a stalling between two fools.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Pulling the chair out for me, he invited me to sit.
I stood there wondering if I could sprint for the nearest exit. Stupid strappy shoes, I'd never make it.
He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "I know what you're thinking, and I'm not going to let you escape again. You can either take a seat and have dinner with me like a normal date," he grinned at his word choice, "or," he paused thoughtfully then threatened, "you can sit on my lap while I force-feed you.
- Colleen Houck
Tiger's Curse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Zoo-Wee Mama!
- Jeff Kinney
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He was a writer and words were his weapons.
- Christopher Moore
Bloodsucking Fiends
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are there weapons in a bookstore?'
'It's a store full of books, which are objects that can be thrown as well as read,' Monty replied blandly.
The Crows cocked his head. 'I had no idea you humans lived with so much danger.
- Anne Bishop
Murder of Crows
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The blood you spill is the blood of kings,” seethed Dunyasha. “You are not fit for such a gift.”
[...]
Inej raised a brow and slowly wiped the blood of kings on her trousers
- Leigh Bardugo
Crooked Kingdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was beautiful in a harsh I'm-going-to-gut-you-like-a-fish kind of way.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My dearest girl,' said the vampire finally, examining Lord Maccon with an exhausted but appreciative eye, 'such a banquet. Never been one to favor werewolves myself, but he is very well equipped, now, is he not?'

Miss Tarabotti gave him an arch look. 'My goodies,' she warned.

Humans,' chuckled the vampire, 'so possessive.
- Gail Carriger
Soulless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
anyway. Leo said, I hope you've got your worksheet, 'cause I used mine for spit wads days ago. Why are you looking at me like that? Somebody draw on my face again?
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there’s any mud on them?"

I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you’re featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn’t yet realize you had. You’re dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy.” I turned to face the door again. “I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots.
- Jim Butcher
Proven Guilty
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rhett: If you've made up your mind to impale someone, do it with conviction.
- Rowena Cherry
Knight's Fork
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Should I pull on a shirt?" he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. "No." He'd be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn't going to tell him that part. "You're fine.
- Gena Showalter
Alice in Zombieland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jiggery pokery!” said Harry in a fierce voice. “Hocus pocus — squiggly wiggly —”
“MUUUUUUM!” howled Dudley, “He’s doing you know what!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A week after Fred and George's departure, Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves, who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier, and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, "It unscrews the other way.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Of course, now I had the problem of communicating what I needed. Marlen was still beating on the door, and Dimitri would be up in a couple of minutes. I glared at the human, hoping I looked terrifying. From his expression, I did. I attempted the caveman talk I had with Inna...only this time the message was a little harder.
"Stick," I said in Russian. I had no clue what the word for stake was. I pointed at the silver ring I wore and made a slashing motion. "Stick. Where?"
He stared at me in utter confusion and then asked, in perfect English, "Why are you talking like that?"
"Oh for God's sake," I exclaimed. "Where is the vault?"
"Vault?"
"A place they keep weapons?"
He continued staring.
"Oh," he said. "That." Uneasily, he cast his eyes in the direction of the pounding.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Was he a good kisser, Ms. Lane?” Barrons asked, watching me carefully.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand at the memory. “It was like being owned.”
Some women like that.”
Not me.”
Perhaps it depends on the man doing the owning.”
I doubt it. I couldn’t breathe with him kissing me.”
One day you may kiss a man you can’t breathe without, and find breath is of little consequence.”
Right, and one day my prince might come.”
I doubt he’ll be a prince, Ms. Lane. Men rarely are.
- Karen Marie Moning
Bloodfever
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A crossbow?” Pigeon asked.
I left my battle-ax in my other jeans,” the man said.
- Brandon Mull
The Candy Shop War
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!
- Ilona Andrews
Magic Bleeds
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you always ask me the same questions you ask him?"

"It depends on whether or not I get an answer.
- Anne Bishop
Daughter of the Blood
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I spent most of my youth hauling sides of beef and pork to my father's shop. Carrying you is far more enjoyable."

"How sweet," Annabelle mumbled sickly, her eyes closed. "Every woman dreams of being told that she's preferable to a dead cow.
- Lisa Kleypas
Secrets of a Summer Night
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Compromise is a stalling between two fools.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Pulling the chair out for me, he invited me to sit.
I stood there wondering if I could sprint for the nearest exit. Stupid strappy shoes, I'd never make it.
He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "I know what you're thinking, and I'm not going to let you escape again. You can either take a seat and have dinner with me like a normal date," he grinned at his word choice, "or," he paused thoughtfully then threatened, "you can sit on my lap while I force-feed you.
- Colleen Houck
Tiger's Curse
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Zoo-Wee Mama!
- Jeff Kinney
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He was a writer and words were his weapons.
- Christopher Moore
Bloodsucking Fiends
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Are there weapons in a bookstore?'
'It's a store full of books, which are objects that can be thrown as well as read,' Monty replied blandly.
The Crows cocked his head. 'I had no idea you humans lived with so much danger.
- Anne Bishop
Murder of Crows
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The blood you spill is the blood of kings,” seethed Dunyasha. “You are not fit for such a gift.”
[...]
Inej raised a brow and slowly wiped the blood of kings on her trousers
- Leigh Bardugo
Crooked Kingdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It was beautiful in a harsh I'm-going-to-gut-you-like-a-fish kind of way.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My dearest girl,' said the vampire finally, examining Lord Maccon with an exhausted but appreciative eye, 'such a banquet. Never been one to favor werewolves myself, but he is very well equipped, now, is he not?'

Miss Tarabotti gave him an arch look. 'My goodies,' she warned.

Humans,' chuckled the vampire, 'so possessive.
- Gail Carriger
Soulless
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
anyway. Leo said, I hope you've got your worksheet, 'cause I used mine for spit wads days ago. Why are you looking at me like that? Somebody draw on my face again?
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there’s any mud on them?"

I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you’re featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn’t yet realize you had. You’re dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy.” I turned to face the door again. “I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots.
- Jim Butcher
Proven Guilty
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rhett: If you've made up your mind to impale someone, do it with conviction.
- Rowena Cherry
Knight's Fork
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Should I pull on a shirt?" he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. "No." He'd be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn't going to tell him that part. "You're fine.
- Gena Showalter
Alice in Zombieland
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Jiggery pokery!” said Harry in a fierce voice. “Hocus pocus — squiggly wiggly —”
“MUUUUUUM!” howled Dudley, “He’s doing you know what!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A week after Fred and George's departure, Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves, who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier, and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, "It unscrews the other way.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Of course, now I had the problem of communicating what I needed. Marlen was still beating on the door, and Dimitri would be up in a couple of minutes. I glared at the human, hoping I looked terrifying. From his expression, I did. I attempted the caveman talk I had with Inna...only this time the message was a little harder.
"Stick," I said in Russian. I had no clue what the word for stake was. I pointed at the silver ring I wore and made a slashing motion. "Stick. Where?"
He stared at me in utter confusion and then asked, in perfect English, "Why are you talking like that?"
"Oh for God's sake," I exclaimed. "Where is the vault?"
"Vault?"
"A place they keep weapons?"
He continued staring.
"Oh," he said. "That." Uneasily, he cast his eyes in the direction of the pounding.
- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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