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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian)
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Dragonswan
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What's going on?" Newt asked, looking back and forth between Thomas and Aris. "Why're you guys looking at each other like you just fell in love?
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
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He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times.
- Neil Gaiman
Stardust
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I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
- Derek Landy
Death Bringer
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I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.

- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I Had a Dream About You
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
- W.C. Fields
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Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon—perfect.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
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I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
- Darynda Jones
First Grave on the Right
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There's no room for demons when you're self-possessed.
- Carrie Fisher
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The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.
- Peter S. Beagle
The Last Unicorn
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I like ducks." Jem observed diplomatically. "Esspecially the ones in Hyde Park." He glanced side ways at Will; both boys were sitting at the edge of a high table, thier legs dangling over the side. "Remember when you tried to convince me to feed pultry pie the the mallards in the park to see if you couls breed a race of cannibal ducks?"
"They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Angel
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Do you know, sire, I think that if we live to tell our grandchildren about this war, they will accuse us of making it up.'
-Marielle
- Tamora Pierce
The Realms of the Gods
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I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze."

(Letter to Cynthia Asquith, November 1913)
- D.H. Lawrence
Letters
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Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
- Dorothy Parker
The Portable Dorothy Parker
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The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).
- Terry Pratchett
Small Gods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What...what about when I'm married?”
“We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits.
- Stephanie Perkins
Lola and the Boy Next Door
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Have you made any other friends since we've been here?"
I gave him the death stare. "Yes, actually."
"Who? I want a name."
"Jamie Roth."
"The Ebola kid? I heard he's a little unstable."
"That was one incident.
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
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To love is easy, to be in a relationship is extremely difficult.
- Santosh Kalwar
Quote Me Everyday
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You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
- P.G. Wodehouse
Carry On, Jeeves
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It's difficult to see the glass ceiling because it's made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly.
- Caitlin Moran
How to Be a Woman
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I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
- Charles Schultz
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There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957.
- Bill Watterson
Scientific Progress Goes "Boink": A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He smiled at that, and then his gaze shifted to a spot over my shoulder and it faded. 'These doubts wouldn’t have anything to do with the company you’re keeping of late, would they?'
I didn’t get a chance to answer before the shop door was thrown open and a furious war mage stomped in. Pritkin spotted me and his eyes narrowed.
'You shaved my legs?!'
Mircea looked at me and folded his arms across his chest. I looked from one unhappy face to the other and suddenly remembered that I had somewhere else to be.
- Karen Chance
Curse the Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian)
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Dragonswan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's going on?" Newt asked, looking back and forth between Thomas and Aris. "Why're you guys looking at each other like you just fell in love?
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times.
- Neil Gaiman
Stardust
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
- Derek Landy
Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.

- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I Had a Dream About You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
- W.C. Fields
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon—perfect.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
- Darynda Jones
First Grave on the Right
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's no room for demons when you're self-possessed.
- Carrie Fisher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.
- Peter S. Beagle
The Last Unicorn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like ducks." Jem observed diplomatically. "Esspecially the ones in Hyde Park." He glanced side ways at Will; both boys were sitting at the edge of a high table, thier legs dangling over the side. "Remember when you tried to convince me to feed pultry pie the the mallards in the park to see if you couls breed a race of cannibal ducks?"
"They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Angel
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you know, sire, I think that if we live to tell our grandchildren about this war, they will accuse us of making it up.'
-Marielle
- Tamora Pierce
The Realms of the Gods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze."

(Letter to Cynthia Asquith, November 1913)
- D.H. Lawrence
Letters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
- Dorothy Parker
The Portable Dorothy Parker
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).
- Terry Pratchett
Small Gods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What...what about when I'm married?”
“We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits.
- Stephanie Perkins
Lola and the Boy Next Door
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Have you made any other friends since we've been here?"
I gave him the death stare. "Yes, actually."
"Who? I want a name."
"Jamie Roth."
"The Ebola kid? I heard he's a little unstable."
"That was one incident.
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To love is easy, to be in a relationship is extremely difficult.
- Santosh Kalwar
Quote Me Everyday
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
- P.G. Wodehouse
Carry On, Jeeves
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's difficult to see the glass ceiling because it's made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly.
- Caitlin Moran
How to Be a Woman
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
- Charles Schultz
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957.
- Bill Watterson
Scientific Progress Goes "Boink": A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He smiled at that, and then his gaze shifted to a spot over my shoulder and it faded. 'These doubts wouldn’t have anything to do with the company you’re keeping of late, would they?'
I didn’t get a chance to answer before the shop door was thrown open and a furious war mage stomped in. Pritkin spotted me and his eyes narrowed.
'You shaved my legs?!'
Mircea looked at me and folded his arms across his chest. I looked from one unhappy face to the other and suddenly remembered that I had somewhere else to be.
- Karen Chance
Curse the Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian)
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Dragonswan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's going on?" Newt asked, looking back and forth between Thomas and Aris. "Why're you guys looking at each other like you just fell in love?
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times.
- Neil Gaiman
Stardust
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
- Derek Landy
Death Bringer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.

- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I Had a Dream About You
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
- W.C. Fields
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon—perfect.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
- Darynda Jones
First Grave on the Right
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There's no room for demons when you're self-possessed.
- Carrie Fisher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.
- Peter S. Beagle
The Last Unicorn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like ducks." Jem observed diplomatically. "Esspecially the ones in Hyde Park." He glanced side ways at Will; both boys were sitting at the edge of a high table, thier legs dangling over the side. "Remember when you tried to convince me to feed pultry pie the the mallards in the park to see if you couls breed a race of cannibal ducks?"
"They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.
- Cassandra Clare
Clockwork Angel
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you know, sire, I think that if we live to tell our grandchildren about this war, they will accuse us of making it up.'
-Marielle
- Tamora Pierce
The Realms of the Gods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze."

(Letter to Cynthia Asquith, November 1913)
- D.H. Lawrence
Letters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
- Dorothy Parker
The Portable Dorothy Parker
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).
- Terry Pratchett
Small Gods
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What...what about when I'm married?”
“We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits.
- Stephanie Perkins
Lola and the Boy Next Door
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Have you made any other friends since we've been here?"
I gave him the death stare. "Yes, actually."
"Who? I want a name."
"Jamie Roth."
"The Ebola kid? I heard he's a little unstable."
"That was one incident.
- Michelle Hodkin
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To love is easy, to be in a relationship is extremely difficult.
- Santosh Kalwar
Quote Me Everyday
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
- P.G. Wodehouse
Carry On, Jeeves
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's difficult to see the glass ceiling because it's made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly.
- Caitlin Moran
How to Be a Woman
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
- Charles Schultz
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957.
- Bill Watterson
Scientific Progress Goes "Boink": A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He smiled at that, and then his gaze shifted to a spot over my shoulder and it faded. 'These doubts wouldn’t have anything to do with the company you’re keeping of late, would they?'
I didn’t get a chance to answer before the shop door was thrown open and a furious war mage stomped in. Pritkin spotted me and his eyes narrowed.
'You shaved my legs?!'
Mircea looked at me and folded his arms across his chest. I looked from one unhappy face to the other and suddenly remembered that I had somewhere else to be.
- Karen Chance
Curse the Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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66
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