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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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We are gods with anuses.
- Ernest Becker
The Denial of Death
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[Myrnin to Claire about their costumes of Pierrot and Harlequin, respectively]
"Don't they teach you anything in your schools?"
"Not about this."
"Pity. I suppose that's what comes of your main education flowing from Google.
- Rachel Caine
Feast of Fools
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Fire wants to burn
Water wants to flow
Air wants to rise
Earth wants to bind
Chaos wants to devour
Cal wants to live
- Cassandra Clare
The Iron Trial
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Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.
- Jasper Fforde
Lost in a Good Book
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The trick. . .is to find the balance between the bright colors of humor and the serious issues of identity, self-loathing, and the possibility for intimacy and love when it seems no longer possible or, sadder yet, no longer necessary.
- Wendy Wasserstein
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The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.
- Viktor Emil Frankl
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All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental.
- Kurt Vonnegut
Timequake
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you ever put a student at this school in danger again-'
'Oh, I thought you Gallagher Girls were immune to danger.'
Despite the hundred girls the filled the foyer, no one moved or gasped or tried to defend our honor. We stood silently, waiting for our headmistress to say, 'Oh, we are quite used to being underestimated, Agent Townsend. In fact, we welcome it.
- Ally Carter
Only the Good Spy Young
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Winston Gallagher!" I said, recognizing the first ghost I'de met. Then my eyes narrowed & I covered my hand in front of my crotch as I saw Winstons gaze fasten there next. "Don't even think about poltergeisting my panties again". "This is the sod? Come here you scurvy little--" "Bones don't!" I interrupted. He stopped, giving a last glare to him while mouthing YOU. ME. EXORCIST. before returning to my side.
- Jeaniene Frost
This Side of the Grave
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Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine, but I don't even know what your favorite color is?
- Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire
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Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.
- Richard Kadrey
Sandman Slim
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So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This book is dedicated to the voices inside my head, the most remarkable of my friends.
And to my wife, who lives with us.
- Fredrik Backman
Anxious People
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
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hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.
- Rick Riordan
The Demigod Diaries
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He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?"
"Like what?"
"Like hitting on you."
"Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way."
Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee.
"What? You think he does?"
"Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood."
"Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?"
"Not enough coffee.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
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If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.
- Emma Donoghue
Room
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Hush Hattie!" I said, intoxicated with my success. "I don't want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan't marry the prince." I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and called out into the night, "I shan't marry the prince." I turned back into the hall and ran to Char and threw my arms about his neck. "I shan't marry you." I kissed his cheek. He was safe from me.
- Gail Carson Levine
Ella Enchanted
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i told you he'd freak out, she siad. didn't i?

ah, the i told you so, jace said. always a classy move
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Tomorrow was my second chance to make things right but it never came. I’m sorry I never treasured the time we had for those regrets I take the blame. You gave everything you had. I took without giving back.” Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.

“Baby, you realize this song is about Trey’s dead dog, don’t you?
- Olivia Cunning
Rock Hard
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.
- Terry Pratchett
Interesting Times: The Play
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.
- Jim Butcher
Vignette
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If your opponent has you by fifty pounds, winning a fight against him is a dubious proposition, at best. If your opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Road-kill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We are gods with anuses.
- Ernest Becker
The Denial of Death
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
[Myrnin to Claire about their costumes of Pierrot and Harlequin, respectively]
"Don't they teach you anything in your schools?"
"Not about this."
"Pity. I suppose that's what comes of your main education flowing from Google.
- Rachel Caine
Feast of Fools
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Fire wants to burn
Water wants to flow
Air wants to rise
Earth wants to bind
Chaos wants to devour
Cal wants to live
- Cassandra Clare
The Iron Trial
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.
- Jasper Fforde
Lost in a Good Book
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The trick. . .is to find the balance between the bright colors of humor and the serious issues of identity, self-loathing, and the possibility for intimacy and love when it seems no longer possible or, sadder yet, no longer necessary.
- Wendy Wasserstein
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.
- Viktor Emil Frankl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental.
- Kurt Vonnegut
Timequake
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you ever put a student at this school in danger again-'
'Oh, I thought you Gallagher Girls were immune to danger.'
Despite the hundred girls the filled the foyer, no one moved or gasped or tried to defend our honor. We stood silently, waiting for our headmistress to say, 'Oh, we are quite used to being underestimated, Agent Townsend. In fact, we welcome it.
- Ally Carter
Only the Good Spy Young
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Winston Gallagher!" I said, recognizing the first ghost I'de met. Then my eyes narrowed & I covered my hand in front of my crotch as I saw Winstons gaze fasten there next. "Don't even think about poltergeisting my panties again". "This is the sod? Come here you scurvy little--" "Bones don't!" I interrupted. He stopped, giving a last glare to him while mouthing YOU. ME. EXORCIST. before returning to my side.
- Jeaniene Frost
This Side of the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine, but I don't even know what your favorite color is?
- Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.
- Richard Kadrey
Sandman Slim
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This book is dedicated to the voices inside my head, the most remarkable of my friends.
And to my wife, who lives with us.
- Fredrik Backman
Anxious People
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.
- Rick Riordan
The Demigod Diaries
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?"
"Like what?"
"Like hitting on you."
"Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way."
Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee.
"What? You think he does?"
"Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood."
"Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?"
"Not enough coffee.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.
- Emma Donoghue
Room
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hush Hattie!" I said, intoxicated with my success. "I don't want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan't marry the prince." I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and called out into the night, "I shan't marry the prince." I turned back into the hall and ran to Char and threw my arms about his neck. "I shan't marry you." I kissed his cheek. He was safe from me.
- Gail Carson Levine
Ella Enchanted
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
i told you he'd freak out, she siad. didn't i?

ah, the i told you so, jace said. always a classy move
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Tomorrow was my second chance to make things right but it never came. I’m sorry I never treasured the time we had for those regrets I take the blame. You gave everything you had. I took without giving back.” Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.

“Baby, you realize this song is about Trey’s dead dog, don’t you?
- Olivia Cunning
Rock Hard
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.
- Terry Pratchett
Interesting Times: The Play
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.
- Jim Butcher
Vignette
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If your opponent has you by fifty pounds, winning a fight against him is a dubious proposition, at best. If your opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Road-kill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We are gods with anuses.
- Ernest Becker
The Denial of Death
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
[Myrnin to Claire about their costumes of Pierrot and Harlequin, respectively]
"Don't they teach you anything in your schools?"
"Not about this."
"Pity. I suppose that's what comes of your main education flowing from Google.
- Rachel Caine
Feast of Fools
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Fire wants to burn
Water wants to flow
Air wants to rise
Earth wants to bind
Chaos wants to devour
Cal wants to live
- Cassandra Clare
The Iron Trial
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.
- Jasper Fforde
Lost in a Good Book
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The trick. . .is to find the balance between the bright colors of humor and the serious issues of identity, self-loathing, and the possibility for intimacy and love when it seems no longer possible or, sadder yet, no longer necessary.
- Wendy Wasserstein
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.
- Viktor Emil Frankl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental.
- Kurt Vonnegut
Timequake
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you ever put a student at this school in danger again-'
'Oh, I thought you Gallagher Girls were immune to danger.'
Despite the hundred girls the filled the foyer, no one moved or gasped or tried to defend our honor. We stood silently, waiting for our headmistress to say, 'Oh, we are quite used to being underestimated, Agent Townsend. In fact, we welcome it.
- Ally Carter
Only the Good Spy Young
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Winston Gallagher!" I said, recognizing the first ghost I'de met. Then my eyes narrowed & I covered my hand in front of my crotch as I saw Winstons gaze fasten there next. "Don't even think about poltergeisting my panties again". "This is the sod? Come here you scurvy little--" "Bones don't!" I interrupted. He stopped, giving a last glare to him while mouthing YOU. ME. EXORCIST. before returning to my side.
- Jeaniene Frost
This Side of the Grave
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine, but I don't even know what your favorite color is?
- Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.
- Richard Kadrey
Sandman Slim
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
This book is dedicated to the voices inside my head, the most remarkable of my friends.
And to my wife, who lives with us.
- Fredrik Backman
Anxious People
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.
- Rick Riordan
The Demigod Diaries
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?"
"Like what?"
"Like hitting on you."
"Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way."
Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee.
"What? You think he does?"
"Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood."
"Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?"
"Not enough coffee.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.
- Emma Donoghue
Room
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hush Hattie!" I said, intoxicated with my success. "I don't want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan't marry the prince." I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and called out into the night, "I shan't marry the prince." I turned back into the hall and ran to Char and threw my arms about his neck. "I shan't marry you." I kissed his cheek. He was safe from me.
- Gail Carson Levine
Ella Enchanted
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
i told you he'd freak out, she siad. didn't i?

ah, the i told you so, jace said. always a classy move
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Tomorrow was my second chance to make things right but it never came. I’m sorry I never treasured the time we had for those regrets I take the blame. You gave everything you had. I took without giving back.” Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.

“Baby, you realize this song is about Trey’s dead dog, don’t you?
- Olivia Cunning
Rock Hard
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.
- Terry Pratchett
Interesting Times: The Play
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.
- Jim Butcher
Vignette
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If your opponent has you by fifty pounds, winning a fight against him is a dubious proposition, at best. If your opponent has you by eight thousand and fifty pounds, you’ve left the realm of combat and enrolled yourself in Road-kill 101. Or possibly in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
- Jim Butcher
Small Favor
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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