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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her.

She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck... but it was just a hug.

His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead."

Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
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I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
At a certain age almost all the questions a person asks him or herself are really just about one thing: how should you live your life?
- Fredrik Backman
Britt-Marie Was Here
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Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're such a cynic," Molly said.

"I think cynics are playful and cute.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mrs. Spence picks up a roll of toilet paper from the counter and scrunches her nose.
“Ask Caymen about that,” Xander says.
Great, now I have to explain to his mother about my vandalism? “Your son called me with a toilet paper emergency. I rushed right over.”
She looks confused so Xander says, “She’s kidding, Mom.
- Kasie West
The Distance Between Us
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It's okay to be a loser, it just depends on how good you are at being one.
- Billie Joe Armstrong
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Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone.
- J. R. Ward
Lover Unleashed
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ow! My brains!
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No, Miss Palmer. What is bizarre is that I currently have a vagina.
- Karen Chance
Curse the Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Tarzan-like men are my weakness, apparently.
- Colleen Houck
Tiger's Quest
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love writing, but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, 'You may have fooled some of the people some of the time but those days are over, Giftless. I'm not your agent and I'm not your mommy: I'm a white piece of paper. You wanna dance with me?' and I really, really don't. I'll go peaceable-like.
- Aaron Sorkin
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I figured something out," he said aloud. "The future is unpredictable."

Hassan said, "Sometimes the kafir likes to say massively obvious things in a really profound voice.
- John Green
An Abundance of Katherines
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know how to use a fellytone now.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Knock-knock-knock
No, that's not creepy at all. Being in a spaceship twelve light-years from home and having someone knock on the door is totally normal.
- Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”
“You do have that effect on people.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I always listen to you. Except when I don't.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Shuck it,” Minho responded. “I’m tougher than nails. I could still kick your pony-lovin’ butt with twice this pain.”
Thomas shrugged. “I do love ponies. Wish I could eat one right now.
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What does ‘hmm’ have to do with anything? Could you ever use more than five words? All this grunting and minced words make you come across—primal.”

His smile tipped higher. “Primal.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Me Jev, you Nora.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?
- Meg Cabot
Runaway
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Carved above the lintel were the words SCIENTIA POTESTAS EST. Science points east, I wondered? Science is portentous, yes? Science protests too much. Scientific potatoes rule. Had I stumbled on the lair of dangerous plant geneticists?
- Ben Aaronovitch
Midnight Riot
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you've managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won't matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.
- Ashly Lorenzana
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her.

She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck... but it was just a hug.

His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead."

Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
At a certain age almost all the questions a person asks him or herself are really just about one thing: how should you live your life?
- Fredrik Backman
Britt-Marie Was Here
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're such a cynic," Molly said.

"I think cynics are playful and cute.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mrs. Spence picks up a roll of toilet paper from the counter and scrunches her nose.
“Ask Caymen about that,” Xander says.
Great, now I have to explain to his mother about my vandalism? “Your son called me with a toilet paper emergency. I rushed right over.”
She looks confused so Xander says, “She’s kidding, Mom.
- Kasie West
The Distance Between Us
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's okay to be a loser, it just depends on how good you are at being one.
- Billie Joe Armstrong
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone.
- J. R. Ward
Lover Unleashed
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ow! My brains!
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No, Miss Palmer. What is bizarre is that I currently have a vagina.
- Karen Chance
Curse the Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Tarzan-like men are my weakness, apparently.
- Colleen Houck
Tiger's Quest
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love writing, but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, 'You may have fooled some of the people some of the time but those days are over, Giftless. I'm not your agent and I'm not your mommy: I'm a white piece of paper. You wanna dance with me?' and I really, really don't. I'll go peaceable-like.
- Aaron Sorkin
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I figured something out," he said aloud. "The future is unpredictable."

Hassan said, "Sometimes the kafir likes to say massively obvious things in a really profound voice.
- John Green
An Abundance of Katherines
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know how to use a fellytone now.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Knock-knock-knock
No, that's not creepy at all. Being in a spaceship twelve light-years from home and having someone knock on the door is totally normal.
- Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”
“You do have that effect on people.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I always listen to you. Except when I don't.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Shuck it,” Minho responded. “I’m tougher than nails. I could still kick your pony-lovin’ butt with twice this pain.”
Thomas shrugged. “I do love ponies. Wish I could eat one right now.
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What does ‘hmm’ have to do with anything? Could you ever use more than five words? All this grunting and minced words make you come across—primal.”

His smile tipped higher. “Primal.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Me Jev, you Nora.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?
- Meg Cabot
Runaway
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Carved above the lintel were the words SCIENTIA POTESTAS EST. Science points east, I wondered? Science is portentous, yes? Science protests too much. Scientific potatoes rule. Had I stumbled on the lair of dangerous plant geneticists?
- Ben Aaronovitch
Midnight Riot
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you've managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won't matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.
- Ashly Lorenzana
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her.

She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck... but it was just a hug.

His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead."

Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich.
- Rachel Caine
Ghost Town
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
At a certain age almost all the questions a person asks him or herself are really just about one thing: how should you live your life?
- Fredrik Backman
Britt-Marie Was Here
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're such a cynic," Molly said.

"I think cynics are playful and cute.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mrs. Spence picks up a roll of toilet paper from the counter and scrunches her nose.
“Ask Caymen about that,” Xander says.
Great, now I have to explain to his mother about my vandalism? “Your son called me with a toilet paper emergency. I rushed right over.”
She looks confused so Xander says, “She’s kidding, Mom.
- Kasie West
The Distance Between Us
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's okay to be a loser, it just depends on how good you are at being one.
- Billie Joe Armstrong
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone.
- J. R. Ward
Lover Unleashed
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ow! My brains!
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
No, Miss Palmer. What is bizarre is that I currently have a vagina.
- Karen Chance
Curse the Dawn
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Tarzan-like men are my weakness, apparently.
- Colleen Houck
Tiger's Quest
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I love writing, but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, 'You may have fooled some of the people some of the time but those days are over, Giftless. I'm not your agent and I'm not your mommy: I'm a white piece of paper. You wanna dance with me?' and I really, really don't. I'll go peaceable-like.
- Aaron Sorkin
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I figured something out," he said aloud. "The future is unpredictable."

Hassan said, "Sometimes the kafir likes to say massively obvious things in a really profound voice.
- John Green
An Abundance of Katherines
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I know how to use a fellytone now.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Knock-knock-knock
No, that's not creepy at all. Being in a spaceship twelve light-years from home and having someone knock on the door is totally normal.
- Andy Weir
Project Hail Mary
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”
“You do have that effect on people.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I always listen to you. Except when I don't.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Shuck it,” Minho responded. “I’m tougher than nails. I could still kick your pony-lovin’ butt with twice this pain.”
Thomas shrugged. “I do love ponies. Wish I could eat one right now.
- James Dashner
The Scorch Trials
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What does ‘hmm’ have to do with anything? Could you ever use more than five words? All this grunting and minced words make you come across—primal.”

His smile tipped higher. “Primal.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Me Jev, you Nora.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?
- Meg Cabot
Runaway
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Carved above the lintel were the words SCIENTIA POTESTAS EST. Science points east, I wondered? Science is portentous, yes? Science protests too much. Scientific potatoes rule. Had I stumbled on the lair of dangerous plant geneticists?
- Ben Aaronovitch
Midnight Riot
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you've managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won't matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.
- Ashly Lorenzana
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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65
66
67
68
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