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FUNNY QUOTES

Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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I’m not an idiot, Kenji. I have reasons for the things I say.”

“Yeah, and maybe I’m just saying that you have no idea what you’re saying.”
“Whatever.”
“Don’t whatever me—”
“Whatever,” I say again.

“Oh my God,” Kenji says to no one in particular. “I think this girl wants to get her ass kicked.”

“You couldn’t kick my ass if I had ten of them.”
Kenji laughs out loud. “Is that a challenge?”
"It’s a warning,” I say to him.

“Ohhhhhh, so you’re threatening me now? Little crybaby knows how to make threats now?”
“Shut up, Kenji.”
“Shut up, Kenji,” he repeats in a whiny voice, mocking me.
- Tahereh Mafi
Ignite Me
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Bethany blinked. "Did you just hit me?" she asked, disbelief coloring her every feature.

Skylar raised both hands, palms outward. "I come in peace!"

"You do not come in peace. You hit me."

"I hit in peace!
- Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Every Other Day
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Becky Renee Apple - can you believe her mom named her that and then had all of her sweaters monogramed with 'BRA'?
- P.C. Cast
Burned
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See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.
- Justin Halpern
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
But I was not in the band, because I suffer from the kind of tone deafness that is generally associated with actual deafness
- John Green
Paper Towns
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God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
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Life isn't all fricasseed frogs and eel pie.
- C.S. Lewis
The Silver Chair
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Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Death should take me while I am in the mood.
- Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Blithedale Romance
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did you get notes for me?"
"No", Ronan replied,"I thought you were dead in a ditch.
- Maggie Stiefvater
The Raven Boys
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Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.
- Jasper Fforde
First Among Sequels
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Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.
- Charles Kettering
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
- Johnny Carson
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
- Robert Orben
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We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.
- Louis Aragon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
- Spike Milligan
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I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
- Imelda Marcos
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
- Norman Wisdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
- Fred Allen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
- Don Marquis
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I’m not an idiot, Kenji. I have reasons for the things I say.”

“Yeah, and maybe I’m just saying that you have no idea what you’re saying.”
“Whatever.”
“Don’t whatever me—”
“Whatever,” I say again.

“Oh my God,” Kenji says to no one in particular. “I think this girl wants to get her ass kicked.”

“You couldn’t kick my ass if I had ten of them.”
Kenji laughs out loud. “Is that a challenge?”
"It’s a warning,” I say to him.

“Ohhhhhh, so you’re threatening me now? Little crybaby knows how to make threats now?”
“Shut up, Kenji.”
“Shut up, Kenji,” he repeats in a whiny voice, mocking me.
- Tahereh Mafi
Ignite Me
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Bethany blinked. "Did you just hit me?" she asked, disbelief coloring her every feature.

Skylar raised both hands, palms outward. "I come in peace!"

"You do not come in peace. You hit me."

"I hit in peace!
- Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Every Other Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Becky Renee Apple - can you believe her mom named her that and then had all of her sweaters monogramed with 'BRA'?
- P.C. Cast
Burned
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.
- Justin Halpern
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
But I was not in the band, because I suffer from the kind of tone deafness that is generally associated with actual deafness
- John Green
Paper Towns
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life isn't all fricasseed frogs and eel pie.
- C.S. Lewis
The Silver Chair
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Death should take me while I am in the mood.
- Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Blithedale Romance
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did you get notes for me?"
"No", Ronan replied,"I thought you were dead in a ditch.
- Maggie Stiefvater
The Raven Boys
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.
- Jasper Fforde
First Among Sequels
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.
- Charles Kettering
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
- Johnny Carson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
- Robert Orben
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.
- Louis Aragon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
- Spike Milligan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
- Imelda Marcos
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
- Norman Wisdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
- Fred Allen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
- Don Marquis
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I’m not an idiot, Kenji. I have reasons for the things I say.”

“Yeah, and maybe I’m just saying that you have no idea what you’re saying.”
“Whatever.”
“Don’t whatever me—”
“Whatever,” I say again.

“Oh my God,” Kenji says to no one in particular. “I think this girl wants to get her ass kicked.”

“You couldn’t kick my ass if I had ten of them.”
Kenji laughs out loud. “Is that a challenge?”
"It’s a warning,” I say to him.

“Ohhhhhh, so you’re threatening me now? Little crybaby knows how to make threats now?”
“Shut up, Kenji.”
“Shut up, Kenji,” he repeats in a whiny voice, mocking me.
- Tahereh Mafi
Ignite Me
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Bethany blinked. "Did you just hit me?" she asked, disbelief coloring her every feature.

Skylar raised both hands, palms outward. "I come in peace!"

"You do not come in peace. You hit me."

"I hit in peace!
- Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Every Other Day
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Becky Renee Apple - can you believe her mom named her that and then had all of her sweaters monogramed with 'BRA'?
- P.C. Cast
Burned
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.
- Justin Halpern
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
But I was not in the band, because I suffer from the kind of tone deafness that is generally associated with actual deafness
- John Green
Paper Towns
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
- Darynda Jones
Third Grave Dead Ahead
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Life isn't all fricasseed frogs and eel pie.
- C.S. Lewis
The Silver Chair
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Death should take me while I am in the mood.
- Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Blithedale Romance
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did you get notes for me?"
"No", Ronan replied,"I thought you were dead in a ditch.
- Maggie Stiefvater
The Raven Boys
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.
- Jasper Fforde
First Among Sequels
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.
- Charles Kettering
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
- Johnny Carson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
- Robert Orben
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.
- Louis Aragon
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
- Spike Milligan
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
- Imelda Marcos
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
- Norman Wisdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
- Fred Allen
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
- Don Marquis
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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69
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71
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