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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
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Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?
- J.R.R. Tolkien
The Hobbit, or There and Back Again
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It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
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I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
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Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
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The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.
- Rick Riordan
The Sea of Monsters
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Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
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Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
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You're an idiot."
"I've never claimed to be otherwise.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
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Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
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You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
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Humor is reason gone mad.
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I like men who have a future and women who have a past.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
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Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.
"Loved it," said Lupin briskly. "Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James in tones of mock concern.
"Think I did," said Lupin seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin...
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
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I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
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You've got to get obsessed and stay obsessed.
- John Irving
The Hotel New Hampshire
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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking
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Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression.
"Are you all right?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
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I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on.
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Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?
- J.R.R. Tolkien
The Hobbit, or There and Back Again
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.
- Rick Riordan
The Sea of Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're an idiot."
"I've never claimed to be otherwise.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is reason gone mad.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like men who have a future and women who have a past.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.
"Loved it," said Lupin briskly. "Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James in tones of mock concern.
"Think I did," said Lupin seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin...
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You've got to get obsessed and stay obsessed.
- John Irving
The Hotel New Hampshire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression.
"Are you all right?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?
- J.R.R. Tolkien
The Hobbit, or There and Back Again
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.
- Rick Riordan
The Sea of Monsters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're an idiot."
"I've never claimed to be otherwise.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
- Rick Riordan
The Battle of the Labyrinth
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is reason gone mad.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I like men who have a future and women who have a past.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.
"Loved it," said Lupin briskly. "Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James in tones of mock concern.
"Think I did," said Lupin seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin...
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You've got to get obsessed and stay obsessed.
- John Irving
The Hotel New Hampshire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression.
"Are you all right?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
...
69
70
71
72
73
 		...