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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects.
- Richelle Mead
The Golden Lily
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You are a terror, aren't you? Leave this yard alone. I know just where everything is in it, and I won't be able to find the things I need for my transport spells if you tidy them up.'
So there was probably a bundle of souls or a box of chewed hearts somewhere out here, Sophie thought. She felt really thwarted. ‘Tidying up is what I’m here for!’ she shouted at Howl.
‘Then you must think of a new meaning for your life,’ Howl said.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
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You weren't afraid of me when I was Wolf," he said. "Why are you afraid of Nathan?"
"He's got big feet!"
"What?"
An insulted-sounding arrroooo came from the other side of the door, a reminder that Wolves also had big ears.
- Anne Bishop
Written in Red
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Not going to walk me to the door?" I asked, pretending to be shocked at his lack of gallantry.
"Of course I am. many would think that a bonny lass such as yerself wouldst be able to stay out of trouble for a distance of fifteen feet, but I know better."
"Did you just use the words yerself and wouldst in the same sentence? You can't be a pirate and a courtier at the same time, Dev. It just isn't done.
- Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Raised by Wolves
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To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.
- Robert Harris
The Ghost
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There is a crucifix, a few cloves of garlic, a wooden stake, a hammer, a blob of Silly Putty, and a pocketknife. “You do realize these people aren’t vampires, right?” I say when Sam walks back in. “Yeah, but you never know. They’re probably crazy, like you said.” “And even if we were hunting vampires, what the hell is the Silly Putty for?” He shrugs. “Just want to be prepared.
- Pittacus Lore
I Am Number Four
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You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick.”
“You wanted a weapon.”
“It was a stick.”
“It had a bow on it.”
“It was a stick.”
“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
- Derek Landy
Kingdom of the Wicked
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Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth.
- Rachel Caine
Feast of Fools
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Kyo: Of course, I'll beat YOU, too!

Yuki: Don't you ever get tired of saying that?

Kyo: Beating you is my vocation! It's my goal in life!

Yuki: It's so unfair that I keep having to take abuse just because you can't meet your goals.

Kyo: THAT CONDESCENDING ATTITUDE OF YOURS REALLY PISSES ME OFF!

Yuki: And that revolting thought process of yours pisses me off.
- Natsuki Takaya
Fruits Basket, Vol. 1
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Hespe's mouth went firm. She didn't scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.
- Patrick Rothfuss
The Wise Man's Fear
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I'm the terrorist, do what I say or I'll terrorize you.
- D.J. MacHale
Raven Rise
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Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.
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Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over.
- Brian Andreas
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Sing your life; any fool can think of words that rhyme.
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Nozy Cat lifted one sleepy eyelid, and his marble blue eye glared at her for interrupting his sacred nap. He wore a yellow collar with little red stars printed on it. His second eyelid also opened, and he gave them his irritated blue-eyed glare.
- lyn key
Nozy Cat 1
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Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!
- Gemma Halliday
Deadly Cool
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."

Myles: "In Paris."

Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"

Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"

Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."

Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"

Beckett: "Itchy what?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The one I felt and still feel most is lack of time. I used to have time to think, to reflect, my mind and I. We would sit together of an evening and listen to the inner melodies of the spirit, which one hears only in leisure moments when the words of
some loved poet touch a deep, sweet chord in the soul that until then had been silent. But in college there is no time to commune with one's thoughts. One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think. When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures--solitude, books and imagination--outside with the whispering pines. I suppose I ought to find some comfort in the thought that I am laying up treasures for future enjoyment, but I am improvident enough to prefer present joy to hoarding riches against a rainy day.
- Helen Keller
The Story of My Life
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How good one feels when one is full -- how satisfied with ourselves and with the world! People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Three Men in a Boat
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Garrick was panting when he replied, “You’re not forcing me to do anything. I just want you to be sure. You can say stop at anytime.” His lips pulled wide. “You don’t need to make up a new pet.
- Cora Carmack
Losing It
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them.
- Terry Pratchett
Carpe Jugulum
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects.
- Richelle Mead
The Golden Lily
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You are a terror, aren't you? Leave this yard alone. I know just where everything is in it, and I won't be able to find the things I need for my transport spells if you tidy them up.'
So there was probably a bundle of souls or a box of chewed hearts somewhere out here, Sophie thought. She felt really thwarted. ‘Tidying up is what I’m here for!’ she shouted at Howl.
‘Then you must think of a new meaning for your life,’ Howl said.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You weren't afraid of me when I was Wolf," he said. "Why are you afraid of Nathan?"
"He's got big feet!"
"What?"
An insulted-sounding arrroooo came from the other side of the door, a reminder that Wolves also had big ears.
- Anne Bishop
Written in Red
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Not going to walk me to the door?" I asked, pretending to be shocked at his lack of gallantry.
"Of course I am. many would think that a bonny lass such as yerself wouldst be able to stay out of trouble for a distance of fifteen feet, but I know better."
"Did you just use the words yerself and wouldst in the same sentence? You can't be a pirate and a courtier at the same time, Dev. It just isn't done.
- Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Raised by Wolves
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.
- Robert Harris
The Ghost
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is a crucifix, a few cloves of garlic, a wooden stake, a hammer, a blob of Silly Putty, and a pocketknife. “You do realize these people aren’t vampires, right?” I say when Sam walks back in. “Yeah, but you never know. They’re probably crazy, like you said.” “And even if we were hunting vampires, what the hell is the Silly Putty for?” He shrugs. “Just want to be prepared.
- Pittacus Lore
I Am Number Four
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick.”
“You wanted a weapon.”
“It was a stick.”
“It had a bow on it.”
“It was a stick.”
“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
- Derek Landy
Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth.
- Rachel Caine
Feast of Fools
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Kyo: Of course, I'll beat YOU, too!

Yuki: Don't you ever get tired of saying that?

Kyo: Beating you is my vocation! It's my goal in life!

Yuki: It's so unfair that I keep having to take abuse just because you can't meet your goals.

Kyo: THAT CONDESCENDING ATTITUDE OF YOURS REALLY PISSES ME OFF!

Yuki: And that revolting thought process of yours pisses me off.
- Natsuki Takaya
Fruits Basket, Vol. 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hespe's mouth went firm. She didn't scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.
- Patrick Rothfuss
The Wise Man's Fear
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm the terrorist, do what I say or I'll terrorize you.
- D.J. MacHale
Raven Rise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over.
- Brian Andreas
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sing your life; any fool can think of words that rhyme.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Nozy Cat lifted one sleepy eyelid, and his marble blue eye glared at her for interrupting his sacred nap. He wore a yellow collar with little red stars printed on it. His second eyelid also opened, and he gave them his irritated blue-eyed glare.
- lyn key
Nozy Cat 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!
- Gemma Halliday
Deadly Cool
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."

Myles: "In Paris."

Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"

Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"

Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."

Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"

Beckett: "Itchy what?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The one I felt and still feel most is lack of time. I used to have time to think, to reflect, my mind and I. We would sit together of an evening and listen to the inner melodies of the spirit, which one hears only in leisure moments when the words of
some loved poet touch a deep, sweet chord in the soul that until then had been silent. But in college there is no time to commune with one's thoughts. One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think. When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures--solitude, books and imagination--outside with the whispering pines. I suppose I ought to find some comfort in the thought that I am laying up treasures for future enjoyment, but I am improvident enough to prefer present joy to hoarding riches against a rainy day.
- Helen Keller
The Story of My Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How good one feels when one is full -- how satisfied with ourselves and with the world! People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Three Men in a Boat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Garrick was panting when he replied, “You’re not forcing me to do anything. I just want you to be sure. You can say stop at anytime.” His lips pulled wide. “You don’t need to make up a new pet.
- Cora Carmack
Losing It
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them.
- Terry Pratchett
Carpe Jugulum
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects.
- Richelle Mead
The Golden Lily
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You are a terror, aren't you? Leave this yard alone. I know just where everything is in it, and I won't be able to find the things I need for my transport spells if you tidy them up.'
So there was probably a bundle of souls or a box of chewed hearts somewhere out here, Sophie thought. She felt really thwarted. ‘Tidying up is what I’m here for!’ she shouted at Howl.
‘Then you must think of a new meaning for your life,’ Howl said.
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You weren't afraid of me when I was Wolf," he said. "Why are you afraid of Nathan?"
"He's got big feet!"
"What?"
An insulted-sounding arrroooo came from the other side of the door, a reminder that Wolves also had big ears.
- Anne Bishop
Written in Red
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Not going to walk me to the door?" I asked, pretending to be shocked at his lack of gallantry.
"Of course I am. many would think that a bonny lass such as yerself wouldst be able to stay out of trouble for a distance of fifteen feet, but I know better."
"Did you just use the words yerself and wouldst in the same sentence? You can't be a pirate and a courtier at the same time, Dev. It just isn't done.
- Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Raised by Wolves
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.
- Robert Harris
The Ghost
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
There is a crucifix, a few cloves of garlic, a wooden stake, a hammer, a blob of Silly Putty, and a pocketknife. “You do realize these people aren’t vampires, right?” I say when Sam walks back in. “Yeah, but you never know. They’re probably crazy, like you said.” “And even if we were hunting vampires, what the hell is the Silly Putty for?” He shrugs. “Just want to be prepared.
- Pittacus Lore
I Am Number Four
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick.”
“You wanted a weapon.”
“It was a stick.”
“It had a bow on it.”
“It was a stick.”
“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
- Derek Landy
Kingdom of the Wicked
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth.
- Rachel Caine
Feast of Fools
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Kyo: Of course, I'll beat YOU, too!

Yuki: Don't you ever get tired of saying that?

Kyo: Beating you is my vocation! It's my goal in life!

Yuki: It's so unfair that I keep having to take abuse just because you can't meet your goals.

Kyo: THAT CONDESCENDING ATTITUDE OF YOURS REALLY PISSES ME OFF!

Yuki: And that revolting thought process of yours pisses me off.
- Natsuki Takaya
Fruits Basket, Vol. 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hespe's mouth went firm. She didn't scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.
- Patrick Rothfuss
The Wise Man's Fear
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'm the terrorist, do what I say or I'll terrorize you.
- D.J. MacHale
Raven Rise
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over.
- Brian Andreas
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sing your life; any fool can think of words that rhyme.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Nozy Cat lifted one sleepy eyelid, and his marble blue eye glared at her for interrupting his sacred nap. He wore a yellow collar with little red stars printed on it. His second eyelid also opened, and he gave them his irritated blue-eyed glare.
- lyn key
Nozy Cat 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!
- Gemma Halliday
Deadly Cool
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."

Myles: "In Paris."

Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"

Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"

Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."

Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"

Beckett: "Itchy what?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The one I felt and still feel most is lack of time. I used to have time to think, to reflect, my mind and I. We would sit together of an evening and listen to the inner melodies of the spirit, which one hears only in leisure moments when the words of
some loved poet touch a deep, sweet chord in the soul that until then had been silent. But in college there is no time to commune with one's thoughts. One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think. When one enters the portals of learning, one leaves the dearest pleasures--solitude, books and imagination--outside with the whispering pines. I suppose I ought to find some comfort in the thought that I am laying up treasures for future enjoyment, but I am improvident enough to prefer present joy to hoarding riches against a rainy day.
- Helen Keller
The Story of My Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How good one feels when one is full -- how satisfied with ourselves and with the world! People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Three Men in a Boat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Garrick was panting when he replied, “You’re not forcing me to do anything. I just want you to be sure. You can say stop at anytime.” His lips pulled wide. “You don’t need to make up a new pet.
- Cora Carmack
Losing It
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first
- Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them.
- Terry Pratchett
Carpe Jugulum
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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