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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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Happiness is a warm puppy.
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The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
- Douglas Adams
Life, the Universe and Everything
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How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley.
George's fingers groped for the side of his head.
"Saintlike," he murmured.
"What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?"
"Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
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Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.
- Eoin Colfer
Artemis Fowl
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What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?
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Headline?" he asked.
"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.
"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.
"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
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Magnus, standing by the door, snapped his fingers impatiently. "Move it along, teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent self."
"Canoodle?" repeated Clary, never having heard the word before.
"Magnificent?" repeated Jace, who was just being nasty. Magnus growled. The growl sounded like "Get out.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
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Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
- Terry Pratchett
Reaper Man
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If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
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But-" Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at - and stared.
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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Résumé
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.
- Dorothy Parker
Enough Rope
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As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
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Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
All the time.
- Wendy Mass
Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
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That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.
- Stephen King
The Stand
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I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
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To be is to do - Socrates
To do is to be - Sartre
Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra
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I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
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Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
- David Sedaris
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
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It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.
- Christopher Moore
Practical Demonkeeping
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
- Douglas Adams
Life, the Universe and Everything
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley.
George's fingers groped for the side of his head.
"Saintlike," he murmured.
"What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?"
"Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.
- Eoin Colfer
Artemis Fowl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Headline?" he asked.
"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.
"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.
"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Magnus, standing by the door, snapped his fingers impatiently. "Move it along, teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent self."
"Canoodle?" repeated Clary, never having heard the word before.
"Magnificent?" repeated Jace, who was just being nasty. Magnus growled. The growl sounded like "Get out.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
- Terry Pratchett
Reaper Man
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
But-" Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at - and stared.
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Résumé
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.
- Dorothy Parker
Enough Rope
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
All the time.
- Wendy Mass
Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.
- Stephen King
The Stand
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To be is to do - Socrates
To do is to be - Sartre
Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
- David Sedaris
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.
- Christopher Moore
Practical Demonkeeping
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
- Douglas Adams
Life, the Universe and Everything
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley.
George's fingers groped for the side of his head.
"Saintlike," he murmured.
"What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?"
"Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.
- Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.
- Eoin Colfer
Artemis Fowl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Headline?" he asked.
"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.
"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.
"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Magnus, standing by the door, snapped his fingers impatiently. "Move it along, teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent self."
"Canoodle?" repeated Clary, never having heard the word before.
"Magnificent?" repeated Jace, who was just being nasty. Magnus growled. The growl sounded like "Get out.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Bones
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
- Terry Pratchett
Reaper Man
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
But-" Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at - and stared.
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Glass
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Résumé
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.
- Dorothy Parker
Enough Rope
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
All the time.
- Wendy Mass
Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.
- Stephen King
The Stand
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)
- John Green
The Fault in Our Stars
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To be is to do - Socrates
To do is to be - Sartre
Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.
- Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
- David Sedaris
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.
- Christopher Moore
Practical Demonkeeping
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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