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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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I want to do it too!" (sitting motionless)
Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church."
Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough."
Iggy: "What about me?" (stands still)
Max: "No, you're visible."
Iggy: "Am not!"
Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you?
- James Patterson
The Final Warning
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People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort.
- Brandon Sanderson
Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
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I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
- Pete Seeger
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Right," she said, "We're going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn't think negative.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
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Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?"
"Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it."
"Kissed a couple of times," Percy said.
Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping!
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just remember, when you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
- Charles Schultz
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I feel like getting married, or committing suicide, or subscribing to L'Illustration. Something desperate, you know.
- Albert Camus
A Happy Death
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
- Bill Watterson
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.
- Lemony Snicket
The Penultimate Peril
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
- Mark Twain
Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My muscles informed me they did not want to go through any more exercise today. So I suggest that maybe he should let me off this time. He laughed, and I'm pretty sure it was at me...not with me.
"Why is that funny?"
"Oh," he said, his smile dropping. "You were serious."
"Of course I was! Look, I've technically been awake for two days. Why do we have to start this training now? Let me go to bed." I whined. "It's just one hour."

"How do you feel right now?"
"I hurt like hell."
"You'll feel worse tomorrow."
"So?"
"So, better get a jump on it while you still feel...not as bad."
"What kind of logic is that?" I retorted.
- Richelle Mead
Vampire Academy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste.
- Margaret Atwood
Lady Oracle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Colleen Hoover
Point of Retreat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?

Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments.
- Emma Chase
Tangled
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?"
"Only once" said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me—"
"I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times—"
"Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand—
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who are you?" he asked.
I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.
- Eoin Colfer
The Time Paradox
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin.
Don't die.
I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me.
Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead.
He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me.
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Devil May Cry
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I called Vee.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Good. How are you?"

"Good."

Silence.

"Okay," Vee said in a rush, "I am still totally freaked out. You?"

"Totally.
- Becca Fitzpatrick
Hush, Hush
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.
- Charles M. Schulz
Charlie Brown's Little Book of Wisdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo frowned at the giant's spire. "Can't we blow it up or something?"
"Without me, you do not have the power," Hera said. "You might as well try to destroy a mountain."
"Done that once today," Jason said.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.

She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.

On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.

Cool.
- J.R. Ward
Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I want to do it too!" (sitting motionless)
Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church."
Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough."
Iggy: "What about me?" (stands still)
Max: "No, you're visible."
Iggy: "Am not!"
Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you?
- James Patterson
The Final Warning
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort.
- Brandon Sanderson
Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
- Pete Seeger
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Right," she said, "We're going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn't think negative.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?"
"Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it."
"Kissed a couple of times," Percy said.
Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping!
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just remember, when you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
- Charles Schultz
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I feel like getting married, or committing suicide, or subscribing to L'Illustration. Something desperate, you know.
- Albert Camus
A Happy Death
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
- Bill Watterson
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.
- Lemony Snicket
The Penultimate Peril
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
- Mark Twain
Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My muscles informed me they did not want to go through any more exercise today. So I suggest that maybe he should let me off this time. He laughed, and I'm pretty sure it was at me...not with me.
"Why is that funny?"
"Oh," he said, his smile dropping. "You were serious."
"Of course I was! Look, I've technically been awake for two days. Why do we have to start this training now? Let me go to bed." I whined. "It's just one hour."

"How do you feel right now?"
"I hurt like hell."
"You'll feel worse tomorrow."
"So?"
"So, better get a jump on it while you still feel...not as bad."
"What kind of logic is that?" I retorted.
- Richelle Mead
Vampire Academy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste.
- Margaret Atwood
Lady Oracle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Colleen Hoover
Point of Retreat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?

Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments.
- Emma Chase
Tangled
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?"
"Only once" said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me—"
"I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times—"
"Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand—
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who are you?" he asked.
I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.
- Eoin Colfer
The Time Paradox
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin.
Don't die.
I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me.
Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead.
He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me.
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Devil May Cry
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I called Vee.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Good. How are you?"

"Good."

Silence.

"Okay," Vee said in a rush, "I am still totally freaked out. You?"

"Totally.
- Becca Fitzpatrick
Hush, Hush
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.
- Charles M. Schulz
Charlie Brown's Little Book of Wisdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo frowned at the giant's spire. "Can't we blow it up or something?"
"Without me, you do not have the power," Hera said. "You might as well try to destroy a mountain."
"Done that once today," Jason said.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.

She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.

On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.

Cool.
- J.R. Ward
Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I want to do it too!" (sitting motionless)
Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church."
Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough."
Iggy: "What about me?" (stands still)
Max: "No, you're visible."
Iggy: "Am not!"
Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you?
- James Patterson
The Final Warning
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort.
- Brandon Sanderson
Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
- Pete Seeger
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Right," she said, "We're going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn't think negative.
- Rick Riordan
The Lightning Thief
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?"
"Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it."
"Kissed a couple of times," Percy said.
Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping!
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Just remember, when you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
- Charles Schultz
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I feel like getting married, or committing suicide, or subscribing to L'Illustration. Something desperate, you know.
- Albert Camus
A Happy Death
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
- Bill Watterson
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.
- Lemony Snicket
The Penultimate Peril
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
- Mark Twain
Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
My muscles informed me they did not want to go through any more exercise today. So I suggest that maybe he should let me off this time. He laughed, and I'm pretty sure it was at me...not with me.
"Why is that funny?"
"Oh," he said, his smile dropping. "You were serious."
"Of course I was! Look, I've technically been awake for two days. Why do we have to start this training now? Let me go to bed." I whined. "It's just one hour."

"How do you feel right now?"
"I hurt like hell."
"You'll feel worse tomorrow."
"So?"
"So, better get a jump on it while you still feel...not as bad."
"What kind of logic is that?" I retorted.
- Richelle Mead
Vampire Academy
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste.
- Margaret Atwood
Lady Oracle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Colleen Hoover
Point of Retreat
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?

Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments.
- Emma Chase
Tangled
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?"
"Only once" said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me—"
"I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times—"
"Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand—
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who are you?" he asked.
I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.
- Eoin Colfer
The Time Paradox
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin.
Don't die.
I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me.
Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead.
He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me.
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
Devil May Cry
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I called Vee.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Good. How are you?"

"Good."

Silence.

"Okay," Vee said in a rush, "I am still totally freaked out. You?"

"Totally.
- Becca Fitzpatrick
Hush, Hush
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.
- Charles M. Schulz
Charlie Brown's Little Book of Wisdom
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.
- P.G. Wodehouse
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Leo frowned at the giant's spire. "Can't we blow it up or something?"
"Without me, you do not have the power," Hera said. "You might as well try to destroy a mountain."
"Done that once today," Jason said.
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.

She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.

On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.

Cool.
- J.R. Ward
Dark Lover
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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86
87
88
89
90
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