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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry
Dave Barry Turns 50
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Amelia Bedelia," said Mrs. Rogers,
"Christmas is just around the corner."
"It is?" said Amelia Bedelia. "Which corner?"
Mrs. Rogers lauhged and said,
"I mean tomorrow is Christmas Day."
"I know that," said Amelia Bedelia.
- Peggy Parish
Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia
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Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core.
- Heather Brewer
Eighth Grade Bites
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So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?"

"Not likely! I'm a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself I'm not doing it!
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
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I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
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To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
- Scott Adams
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Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me."
"Do you mean you want a secretary or something?"
"No, I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool.
- Daphne du Maurier
Rebecca
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Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?
- P.G. Wodehouse
Mike and Psmith
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?"
"It sucked."
"Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks.
"It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word.
- Simone Elkeles
Rules of Attraction
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ack!" I said.

Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Stop!" Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..." He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us."

Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid.
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I could have become a mass murderer after I hacked my governor module, but then I realized I could access the combined feed of entertainment channels carried on the company satellites. It had been well over 35,000 hours or so since then, with still not much murdering, but probably, I don't know, a little under 35,000 hours of movies, serials, books, plays, and music consumed. As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure.
- Martha Wells
All Systems Red
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When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
- Barney Stinson
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It's my turn to see you through,' she whispers, coming back to me and wrapping me in her blanket as I lose my shit all over again. She holds me until I recover my Y chromosome.
- Gayle Forman
Where She Went
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I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.
- Margaret Thatcher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why....this is why I like you.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.
- Chris Colfer
Struck By Lightning: The Carson Phillips Journal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Holy mother!"
"Hmph. More like holy father. I'd think you'd know the difference."

-Hephaetus
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter.
- Blaise Pascal
The Provincial Letters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And like the road not taken, it was the fucks not given that made all the difference.
- Mark Manson
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry
Dave Barry Turns 50
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Amelia Bedelia," said Mrs. Rogers,
"Christmas is just around the corner."
"It is?" said Amelia Bedelia. "Which corner?"
Mrs. Rogers lauhged and said,
"I mean tomorrow is Christmas Day."
"I know that," said Amelia Bedelia.
- Peggy Parish
Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core.
- Heather Brewer
Eighth Grade Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?"

"Not likely! I'm a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself I'm not doing it!
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
- Scott Adams
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me."
"Do you mean you want a secretary or something?"
"No, I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool.
- Daphne du Maurier
Rebecca
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?
- P.G. Wodehouse
Mike and Psmith
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?"
"It sucked."
"Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks.
"It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word.
- Simone Elkeles
Rules of Attraction
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ack!" I said.

Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Stop!" Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..." He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us."

Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid.
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I could have become a mass murderer after I hacked my governor module, but then I realized I could access the combined feed of entertainment channels carried on the company satellites. It had been well over 35,000 hours or so since then, with still not much murdering, but probably, I don't know, a little under 35,000 hours of movies, serials, books, plays, and music consumed. As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure.
- Martha Wells
All Systems Red
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
- Barney Stinson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's my turn to see you through,' she whispers, coming back to me and wrapping me in her blanket as I lose my shit all over again. She holds me until I recover my Y chromosome.
- Gayle Forman
Where She Went
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.
- Margaret Thatcher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why....this is why I like you.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.
- Chris Colfer
Struck By Lightning: The Carson Phillips Journal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Holy mother!"
"Hmph. More like holy father. I'd think you'd know the difference."

-Hephaetus
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter.
- Blaise Pascal
The Provincial Letters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And like the road not taken, it was the fucks not given that made all the difference.
- Mark Manson
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry
Dave Barry Turns 50
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Amelia Bedelia," said Mrs. Rogers,
"Christmas is just around the corner."
"It is?" said Amelia Bedelia. "Which corner?"
Mrs. Rogers lauhged and said,
"I mean tomorrow is Christmas Day."
"I know that," said Amelia Bedelia.
- Peggy Parish
Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core.
- Heather Brewer
Eighth Grade Bites
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?"

"Not likely! I'm a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself I'm not doing it!
- Diana Wynne Jones
Howl’s Moving Castle
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
- Jim Butcher
Storm Front
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
- Scott Adams
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.
- J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me."
"Do you mean you want a secretary or something?"
"No, I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool.
- Daphne du Maurier
Rebecca
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?
- P.G. Wodehouse
Mike and Psmith
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?"
"It sucked."
"Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks.
"It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word.
- Simone Elkeles
Rules of Attraction
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Ack!" I said.

Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.
- Jim Butcher
Changes
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Stop!" Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..." He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us."

Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid.
- Rick Riordan
The Mark of Athena
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I could have become a mass murderer after I hacked my governor module, but then I realized I could access the combined feed of entertainment channels carried on the company satellites. It had been well over 35,000 hours or so since then, with still not much murdering, but probably, I don't know, a little under 35,000 hours of movies, serials, books, plays, and music consumed. As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure.
- Martha Wells
All Systems Red
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
- Barney Stinson
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It's my turn to see you through,' she whispers, coming back to me and wrapping me in her blanket as I lose my shit all over again. She holds me until I recover my Y chromosome.
- Gayle Forman
Where She Went
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.
- Margaret Thatcher
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
You're not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why....this is why I like you.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.
- Chris Colfer
Struck By Lightning: The Carson Phillips Journal
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Holy mother!"
"Hmph. More like holy father. I'd think you'd know the difference."

-Hephaetus
- Rick Riordan
The Lost Hero
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter.
- Blaise Pascal
The Provincial Letters
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And like the road not taken, it was the fucks not given that made all the difference.
- Mark Manson
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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88
89
90
91
92
 		...