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Laughter has a way of making everything feel lighter, even on the most serious days. The quotes below are packed with wit, sarcasm, and playful truth to give you a well-deserved smile. Read on and enjoy a quick dose of humor that doesn’t take life too seriously.   ◀ Back
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To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It’s like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It’s like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.
- Chetan Bhagat
2 States: The Story of My Marriage
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I've got a theory, it could be bunnies...

I've got a theor-

Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes
They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.
And what's with all the carrots-?
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?
Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies!

...or maybe midgets...
- Joss Whedon Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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Shigure: JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND, KYO!

Kyo: SHUT UP! I HATE THIS! DO YOU REALLY GET THAT MUCH ENJOYMENT FROM PLAYING WITH PEOPLES' LIVES?!

Shigure: Well, yes, now that you mention it, I do--BUT THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

Kyo: Man, your persuasion skills SUCK!

Tohru: Um, welcome home. Dinner's-

Kyo: NOT HUNGRY!

Shigure: KYO! DON'T TAKE THIS OUT ON TOHRU! And come back to the entrance hall this instant and take those shoes off!

Yuki: He's right, Shigure. You really do suck at persuasion.
- Natsuki Takaya
Fruits Basket, Vol. 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Another relative?” Valek asked.

A broad smile stretched Moon Man’s lips. “Yes. I am her mother’s uncle’s wife’s third cousin.
- Maria V. Snyder
Magic Study
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.
- Eoin Colfer
The Time Paradox
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The woman is the home. That's where she used to be, and that's where she still is. You might ask me, What if a man tries to be part of the home -- will the woman let him? I answer yes. Because the he becomes one of the children.
- Marguerite Duras
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People have hope because they cannot see Death standing behind them.
- Tite Kubo
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.
- Christopher Moore
A Dirty Job
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Before I begin, may I ask how old you are?"
"You may ask."
"How old are you?"
"It's none of your business
- Christopher Pike
The Last Vampire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
- Helen Rowland
A Guide To Men: Being Encore Reflections Of A Bachelor Girl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it.
- Sophie Kinsella
Confessions of a Shopaholic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Linh Cinder. Such a pleasure. My master has spoken so highly of you.”

Cinder paused and studied her again. “Who are you?”

“I’m called Darla. I am Captain Thorne’s mistress.”

Cinder blinked. “Excuse me?”

“He asked me to stay and keep watch over the vehicle,” she said. “He’s just gone inside to be heroic. I’m sure he’ll be glad to know you’re here. I believe he’s under the impression that you’re out in space somewhere.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.
- Jennifer Crusie
Charlie All Night
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Now now, Emily, it isn't nice to tell the truth.
- Jun Mochizuki
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.
- H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.
- The Reduced Shakespeare Company
The Compleat Works of Wllm Shkspr
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rule number 2 - don't listen to me!" Arriane laughed, "I'm certifiably insane!
- Lauren Kate
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Film lovers are sick people.
- François Truffaut
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When they reached a maintenance closet, Iko ushered the escort-droid inside.

“I want you to know that I hold nothing against you,” she said, by way of introduction. “I understand that it isn’t your fault your programmer had so little imagination.”

The escort-droid held her gaze with empty eyes.

“In another life, we could have been sisters, and I feel it’s important to acknowledge that.”

A blank stare. A blink, every six seconds.

“But as it stands, I’m a part of an important mission right now, and I cannot be swayed from my goal by my sympathy for androids who are less advanced than myself.”

Nothing.

“All right then.” Iko held out her hands. “I need your clothes.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was watching a collection of vintage '80s cereal commercials when I paused to wonder why cereal manufacturers no longer included toy prizes inside every box. It was a tragedy, in my opinion. Another sign that civilization was going straight down the tubes.
- Ernest Cline
Ready Player One
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It’s like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It’s like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.
- Chetan Bhagat
2 States: The Story of My Marriage
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've got a theory, it could be bunnies...

I've got a theor-

Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes
They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.
And what's with all the carrots-?
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?
Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies!

...or maybe midgets...
- Joss Whedon Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Shigure: JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND, KYO!

Kyo: SHUT UP! I HATE THIS! DO YOU REALLY GET THAT MUCH ENJOYMENT FROM PLAYING WITH PEOPLES' LIVES?!

Shigure: Well, yes, now that you mention it, I do--BUT THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

Kyo: Man, your persuasion skills SUCK!

Tohru: Um, welcome home. Dinner's-

Kyo: NOT HUNGRY!

Shigure: KYO! DON'T TAKE THIS OUT ON TOHRU! And come back to the entrance hall this instant and take those shoes off!

Yuki: He's right, Shigure. You really do suck at persuasion.
- Natsuki Takaya
Fruits Basket, Vol. 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Another relative?” Valek asked.

A broad smile stretched Moon Man’s lips. “Yes. I am her mother’s uncle’s wife’s third cousin.
- Maria V. Snyder
Magic Study
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.
- Eoin Colfer
The Time Paradox
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The woman is the home. That's where she used to be, and that's where she still is. You might ask me, What if a man tries to be part of the home -- will the woman let him? I answer yes. Because the he becomes one of the children.
- Marguerite Duras
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People have hope because they cannot see Death standing behind them.
- Tite Kubo
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.
- Christopher Moore
A Dirty Job
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Before I begin, may I ask how old you are?"
"You may ask."
"How old are you?"
"It's none of your business
- Christopher Pike
The Last Vampire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
- Helen Rowland
A Guide To Men: Being Encore Reflections Of A Bachelor Girl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it.
- Sophie Kinsella
Confessions of a Shopaholic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Linh Cinder. Such a pleasure. My master has spoken so highly of you.”

Cinder paused and studied her again. “Who are you?”

“I’m called Darla. I am Captain Thorne’s mistress.”

Cinder blinked. “Excuse me?”

“He asked me to stay and keep watch over the vehicle,” she said. “He’s just gone inside to be heroic. I’m sure he’ll be glad to know you’re here. I believe he’s under the impression that you’re out in space somewhere.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.
- Jennifer Crusie
Charlie All Night
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Now now, Emily, it isn't nice to tell the truth.
- Jun Mochizuki
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.
- H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.
- The Reduced Shakespeare Company
The Compleat Works of Wllm Shkspr
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rule number 2 - don't listen to me!" Arriane laughed, "I'm certifiably insane!
- Lauren Kate
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Film lovers are sick people.
- François Truffaut
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When they reached a maintenance closet, Iko ushered the escort-droid inside.

“I want you to know that I hold nothing against you,” she said, by way of introduction. “I understand that it isn’t your fault your programmer had so little imagination.”

The escort-droid held her gaze with empty eyes.

“In another life, we could have been sisters, and I feel it’s important to acknowledge that.”

A blank stare. A blink, every six seconds.

“But as it stands, I’m a part of an important mission right now, and I cannot be swayed from my goal by my sympathy for androids who are less advanced than myself.”

Nothing.

“All right then.” Iko held out her hands. “I need your clothes.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was watching a collection of vintage '80s cereal commercials when I paused to wonder why cereal manufacturers no longer included toy prizes inside every box. It was a tragedy, in my opinion. Another sign that civilization was going straight down the tubes.
- Ernest Cline
Ready Player One
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It’s like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It’s like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.
- Chetan Bhagat
2 States: The Story of My Marriage
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've got a theory, it could be bunnies...

I've got a theor-

Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes
They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.
And what's with all the carrots-?
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?
Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies!

...or maybe midgets...
- Joss Whedon Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Shigure: JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND, KYO!

Kyo: SHUT UP! I HATE THIS! DO YOU REALLY GET THAT MUCH ENJOYMENT FROM PLAYING WITH PEOPLES' LIVES?!

Shigure: Well, yes, now that you mention it, I do--BUT THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

Kyo: Man, your persuasion skills SUCK!

Tohru: Um, welcome home. Dinner's-

Kyo: NOT HUNGRY!

Shigure: KYO! DON'T TAKE THIS OUT ON TOHRU! And come back to the entrance hall this instant and take those shoes off!

Yuki: He's right, Shigure. You really do suck at persuasion.
- Natsuki Takaya
Fruits Basket, Vol. 1
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Another relative?” Valek asked.

A broad smile stretched Moon Man’s lips. “Yes. I am her mother’s uncle’s wife’s third cousin.
- Maria V. Snyder
Magic Study
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.
- Eoin Colfer
The Time Paradox
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
The woman is the home. That's where she used to be, and that's where she still is. You might ask me, What if a man tries to be part of the home -- will the woman let him? I answer yes. Because the he becomes one of the children.
- Marguerite Duras
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
People have hope because they cannot see Death standing behind them.
- Tite Kubo
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.
- Christopher Moore
A Dirty Job
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Before I begin, may I ask how old you are?"
"You may ask."
"How old are you?"
"It's none of your business
- Christopher Pike
The Last Vampire
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
- Helen Rowland
A Guide To Men: Being Encore Reflections Of A Bachelor Girl
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it.
- Sophie Kinsella
Confessions of a Shopaholic
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Linh Cinder. Such a pleasure. My master has spoken so highly of you.”

Cinder paused and studied her again. “Who are you?”

“I’m called Darla. I am Captain Thorne’s mistress.”

Cinder blinked. “Excuse me?”

“He asked me to stay and keep watch over the vehicle,” she said. “He’s just gone inside to be heroic. I’m sure he’ll be glad to know you’re here. I believe he’s under the impression that you’re out in space somewhere.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.
- Jennifer Crusie
Charlie All Night
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Now now, Emily, it isn't nice to tell the truth.
- Jun Mochizuki
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.
- H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.
- The Reduced Shakespeare Company
The Compleat Works of Wllm Shkspr
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Rule number 2 - don't listen to me!" Arriane laughed, "I'm certifiably insane!
- Lauren Kate
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
Film lovers are sick people.
- François Truffaut
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
When they reached a maintenance closet, Iko ushered the escort-droid inside.

“I want you to know that I hold nothing against you,” she said, by way of introduction. “I understand that it isn’t your fault your programmer had so little imagination.”

The escort-droid held her gaze with empty eyes.

“In another life, we could have been sisters, and I feel it’s important to acknowledge that.”

A blank stare. A blink, every six seconds.

“But as it stands, I’m a part of an important mission right now, and I cannot be swayed from my goal by my sympathy for androids who are less advanced than myself.”

Nothing.

“All right then.” Iko held out her hands. “I need your clothes.
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
I was watching a collection of vintage '80s cereal commercials when I paused to wonder why cereal manufacturers no longer included toy prizes inside every box. It was a tragedy, in my opinion. Another sign that civilization was going straight down the tubes.
- Ernest Cline
Ready Player One
Avg Rating: --Rate This Quote
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